Thread: Self-esteem nosedive

When my boyfriend and I first got together, he was all over me. As were a lot of other males. And I can't lie I loved the attention. I was pretty without trying and viewed as sexy without having to showcase my body through revealing clothes. That was over 2 years ago, and now I feel as though I am one of the ugliest people I know. I absolutely HATE looking in the mirror, and I don't get nearly as much attention as I used to. I think my confidence plummeted after I gained so much weight, and I have no idea how to get it back. I've been exercising and struggling to eat in a healthy way. My low self-esteem is ruining my relationship as I've been more jealous and paranoid about who my boyfriend is friends with although it never bothered me in the beginning. How do I get myself out of this slump? I know weight loss is a big goal of mine, but I feel as though my self-esteem shouldn't suffer because of weight gain. Any advice?

Oh girl, I feel your pain. I went from a sexy and confident size 6 to a depressed and esteem-less size 16. I've since come down to a size 10 and I've plateaued a bit. Uhg....
You need to stop seeing yourself through your own eyes. Start to see yourself through your boyfriends eyes and through the eyes of those who know and love you best. The best way to make yourself feel pretty again is to dress up, wear makeup, look nice, wear some cute jewelry, and start thinking of yourself as pretty again.

You really need to read "Getting the Pretty Back" by Molly Ringwald. She went through the same thing after having kids and turning 40. It's very uplifting and refreshing. Anytime I feel miserable I just get out that little female self esteem "bible" and read, read, read!
You are still beautiful and you're still desirable. You just have the believe it and you'll start to really see it!

I don't know what "gained so much weight" means to you exactly, but how much of the way you are feeling is your opinion/thoughts and how much is his?

Has he said anything to you that makes you feel the way you do? Or is it all how you perceive yourself? What caused the weight gain? To what do you contribute the low self esteem?

When you look back and compare it to today, other than your physical shape, what else changed?

Where women see bumps and bulges, the men who love them see only curves! As TigersPretty said above..you need to start seeing yourself through BF's eyes.

As for how you get yourself out of this slump? One small step at a time with real expectations and real results.

Thanks girls! My bf is actually the one that constantly tells me I'm beautiful the way I am. My biggest problem is me comparing myself to these other girls. I recently started running in the mornings, though. I'm determined to lose some of this weight.

I must admit that I'm pleased with some of the curves I've gained with the weight! I know once I lose some of the weight, I'll lose some of the curves. I'm slowly learning how to love the girl in the mirror.

I try to dress cute no matter where I'm going instead of going to the grocery store in frumpy clothing. It makes me feel good when I walk out looking like I actually put effort into myself!!

STOP looking in the mirror. STOP weighing yourself (IF you do). Instead, get out some of the clothes you felt attractive and sexy in "without trying" and work towards looking good, according to you, in them again.

As Justin Timberlake once sang "I'm bringing sexy back....."

It is to your advantage to keep your metabolism active while trying to lose weight. This means eating five or six smaller healthy meals versus the "norm" of three meals each day. A meal should contain a protein, a COMPLEX carbohydate and a healthy fat. Fruit and veggies should also be included as "add ons" or "extras" to EVERY meal.

Don't count calories or ounces or carbs or proteins because doing so is NOT making permanent changes to your life style. Instead realize that a "serving" of most things is 4 ounces or LESS (about the size of a deck of cards).

An example or two: A yogurt, piece of high fiber (4gms or more per slice) whole wheat toast (dry, no butter) with a thin layer of peanut butter, a glass of juice and a piece of fruit (banana, apple, orange, etc.) = breakfast.

A bowl of nutritionally balanced high fiber cereal, like the Total brands, with upto 8 ounces of skim milk, perhaps some fresh fruit in it/on it or a fresh fruit cup (canned is okay but be careful of those canned in syrup), another piece of toast like the one above and a different piece of fruit, along with some juice of some sort.

Breakfast is the sinlge most important meal of the day and the one that many people skip to "lose weight", so that's why I pick on it.

I wish you well....

Thanks! I've been working on curbing my appetite. I refuse to count calories and don't own a scale. Thanks for all the tips though I'm definitely gonna use this to help me!! =]