Married and don't want kids

sgm042206 · 02-26-2009, 03:18 PM

Hello ladies. I wanted to ask a question for all you girls that do NOT want children. My husband and I do not want kids. When I was 16 I started the depo shot, because I had extremely long excrutiating periods. I was a virgin at the time, also. My periods were heavy for 14 days straight. Pretty much half of every month I was bleeding and in severe cramp pain.

Once I started the depo, having no period or cramping was great. However, 7 years and 70lbs later, I absolute HATE depo. I have been recently taken off the depo because of all the symptoms. I had 0 sex drive, went from 105-175lbs, had crazy mood swings, extreme vaginal dryness (which made my 1% sex drive decrease to NADA), felt jittery and uneasy all the time, among other things. I have now been diagnosed with slight depression, anxiety, osteopenia, and now hypothyroidism. I am looking for a BC to take now. Recently since my depo hasn't worn off (it's been 54 days since I was due my last injection), I haven't felt the need to have sex....but I'm sure it'll come one day...I SURE HOPE SO.

I am scared of the pill, because I'm not good at remembering. I have never had children and do not want any. I am now off depo and looking at IUDs, but they say you can't get them if you've never had children. Can someone please help and give me advice on what to do if I don't want children! We've always said we would adopt if we changed out mind. I am 23 and not too much on the wealthy side so hysterectomy is outta the question as of now.

**sourpuss** · 02-26-2009, 04:02 PM

Why doesn't your husband get a vasectomy? BC is obviously wreaking havoc on your mind and body. It's a simple procedure and reversible if you ever change your mind.

**WildChild** · 02-26-2009, 04:15 PM

Talk to planned parenthood. you may be able to handle an IUD. Just don't get the hormone kind. WHy on earth would you even think of a hysterectomy???? You need your ovaries as much as a man needs his testicles. What about having your tubes tied?

sgm042206 · 02-26-2009, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Why doesn't your husband get a vasectomy? BC is obviously wreaking havoc on your mind and body. It's a simple procedure and reversible if you ever change your mind.

He says "I don't want to be in pain for a week laying on the couch with an ice pack on my privates

". I know I know---SOO totally does not = the mess I'm going through from my side of trying to prevent pregnancy. I can't find any men around here that have had a vysectomy to tell him about it either...and getting him to go to the dr would be like pulling teeth.

sgm042206 · 02-26-2009, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildChild

Talk to planned parenthood. you may be able to handle an IUD. Just don't get the hormone kind. WHy on earth would you even think of a hysterectomy???? You need your ovaries as much as a man needs his testicles. What about having your tubes tied?

Everyone tells me I'm too young to get my tubes tied and that the doctors around here won't do it if you are young (I'm 23) and have not had children. I wanted an IUD because my mom had one between my brother and me, and she stayed baby free for 15years until she pulled it out to have me...however the doctors around here say it's too hard to get them in there right if your cervix has not been stretched from having a child. I'm so scared to do anything birth control-hormone related again, because I have hypothyroidism also and have enough problems with WACKY heat flashes and weight gain from that.

I need help girls!

**sourpuss** · 02-26-2009, 10:42 PM

I'm sorry, but your husband sounds selfish.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-27-2009, 12:14 AM

Any surgery is "scary" so his answer may simple lie with fear....

You haven't said if he has been suportive with your thoughts and fears yourself and been by your side over it, only that he has stated, it will hurt no...

Nevertheless, my opinion is 23 is too young to decide to "cut it" either you or him, you have no idea as you progress into your 30's if you will change your mind and become maternal.

What you say you don't want now, doesn't mean that may not change later, for either of you, or heaven forbid your marriage breaks up and he really wanted a child with his new partner.

You can't predict the future, only the present.

Birth Control is your answer.... "there is a fear of your own, forgetting", but by placing the pack say by your toothpaste which you visit every day, or in the shower by the soap.. there's no way you will forget to take it...

Give it a go, I almost guarantee within the first 30 days it will become as natural as brushing your teeth.

CW

**2morrow** · 02-28-2009, 01:59 PM

Most docs won't do a vasectomy or a tubal at your ages. You are much too young to think about permanent birth control. I know my bro-in-law had to wait unil he was 29 to get his vasectomy. He was always refused prior to that. There must be other methods, that will be successful for you. Have you tried the lowest possible dose of the pill. Its got the least amount of hormone and its very effective. Then there is always condom and foam. I know its a pain, but if you're worried about hormonal side effects, really there aren't alot of choices.

ritengo · 02-28-2009, 03:17 PM

I had my tubes tied at age 25. I wasn't dating anyone but was absolutely certain I did not want children. Well in my mid-30's I changed my mind and as a result, I had to go through expensive fertilitiy treatments that were not covered by our insurance. We most likely would have had to do fertility treatments anyone because it turned out that my husband (now ex) had severe male factor infertility. But just wanted to let you know that if you do tubal lig. and then change your mind down the road, you may be faced with the daunting expense of invitro-fertilization (and I know people who have spent over $150,000 on IVF and still have no baby to show for it).

I want to stress that I was 100% absolutely sure that I didn't want children in my 20's. Oh and if you think that a tubal can be reversed, it sure can but the success rate (a pregnancy outcome) is very low. I don't know about the success of vasectomy reversal.

Isn't there a new IUD type thing out now? I've seen commercials for it but not sure if you have to already have a baby for them to insert it.

**happy ending** · 03-01-2009, 01:50 AM

i actually think you are too young to decide. i also didnt want kids in my 20's i was i absolutely sure, and felt people who wanted to be parents were complete suckers. but i changed my mind later, i am not saying this will happen to you, but i have seen it happen many times.

02-26-2009, 03:18 PM	#1
sgm042206 Depo Support Group Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: southern US Posts: 6	Married and don't want kids Hello ladies. I wanted to ask a question for all you girls that do NOT want children. My husband and I do not want kids. When I was 16 I started the depo shot, because I had extremely long excrutiating periods. I was a virgin at the time, also. My periods were heavy for 14 days straight. Pretty much half of every month I was bleeding and in severe cramp pain. Once I started the depo, having no period or cramping was great. However, 7 years and 70lbs later, I absolute HATE depo. I have been recently taken off the depo because of all the symptoms. I had 0 sex drive, went from 105-175lbs, had crazy mood swings, extreme vaginal dryness (which made my 1% sex drive decrease to NADA), felt jittery and uneasy all the time, among other things. I have now been diagnosed with slight depression, anxiety, osteopenia, and now hypothyroidism. I am looking for a BC to take now. Recently since my depo hasn't worn off (it's been 54 days since I was due my last injection), I haven't felt the need to have sex....but I'm sure it'll come one day...I SURE HOPE SO. I am scared of the pill, because I'm not good at remembering. I have never had children and do not want any. I am now off depo and looking at IUDs, but they say you can't get them if you've never had children. Can someone please help and give me advice on what to do if I don't want children! We've always said we would adopt if we changed out mind. I am 23 and not too much on the wealthy side so hysterectomy is outta the question as of now.

02-26-2009, 04:02 PM	#2
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 2,189	Why doesn't your husband get a vasectomy? BC is obviously wreaking havoc on your mind and body. It's a simple procedure and reversible if you ever change your mind. __________________ Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

02-26-2009, 10:42 PM	#6
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 2,189	I'm sorry, but your husband sounds selfish. __________________ Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

02-27-2009, 12:14 AM	#7
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,698 Blog Entries: 8	Any surgery is "scary" so his answer may simple lie with fear.... You haven't said if he has been suportive with your thoughts and fears yourself and been by your side over it, only that he has stated, it will hurt no... Nevertheless, my opinion is 23 is too young to decide to "cut it" either you or him, you have no idea as you progress into your 30's if you will change your mind and become maternal. What you say you don't want now, doesn't mean that may not change later, for either of you, or heaven forbid your marriage breaks up and he really wanted a child with his new partner. You can't predict the future, only the present. Birth Control is your answer.... "there is a fear of your own, forgetting", but by placing the pack say by your toothpaste which you visit every day, or in the shower by the soap.. there's no way you will forget to take it... Give it a go, I almost guarantee within the first 30 days it will become as natural as brushing your teeth. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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02-26-2009, 04:15 PM	#3
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,701 Blog Entries: 6	Talk to planned parenthood. you may be able to handle an IUD. Just don't get the hormone kind. WHy on earth would you even think of a hysterectomy???? You need your ovaries as much as a man needs his testicles. What about having your tubes tied?

02-28-2009, 01:59 PM	#8
2morrow VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 70	Most docs won't do a vasectomy or a tubal at your ages. You are much too young to think about permanent birth control. I know my bro-in-law had to wait unil he was 29 to get his vasectomy. He was always refused prior to that. There must be other methods, that will be successful for you. Have you tried the lowest possible dose of the pill. Its got the least amount of hormone and its very effective. Then there is always condom and foam. I know its a pain, but if you're worried about hormonal side effects, really there aren't alot of choices.

02-28-2009, 03:17 PM	#9
ritengo Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 14	I had my tubes tied at age 25. I wasn't dating anyone but was absolutely certain I did not want children. Well in my mid-30's I changed my mind and as a result, I had to go through expensive fertilitiy treatments that were not covered by our insurance. We most likely would have had to do fertility treatments anyone because it turned out that my husband (now ex) had severe male factor infertility. But just wanted to let you know that if you do tubal lig. and then change your mind down the road, you may be faced with the daunting expense of invitro-fertilization (and I know people who have spent over $150,000 on IVF and still have no baby to show for it). I want to stress that I was 100% absolutely sure that I didn't want children in my 20's. Oh and if you think that a tubal can be reversed, it sure can but the success rate (a pregnancy outcome) is very low. I don't know about the success of vasectomy reversal. Isn't there a new IUD type thing out now? I've seen commercials for it but not sure if you have to already have a baby for them to insert it.

03-01-2009, 01:50 AM	#10
happy ending Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 919	i actually think you are too young to decide. i also didnt want kids in my 20's i was i absolutely sure, and felt people who wanted to be parents were complete suckers. but i changed my mind later, i am not saying this will happen to you, but i have seen it happen many times.

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