No, I am know I am not pregnant, but I could use some advice

**b02001** · 12-14-2009 08:04 PM

So, here is my deal. I am not a teenager, I am in my late twenties actually, but I am in my first relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for a year now, active in shall I say a sexual manner for the last 9 months or so. Neither of us have had full intercourse with each other or any other partner, and probably will not unless we get to a married or at least engaged point in our relationship. On his end I'm guessing a lingering from a strict religious upbringing and on my end I don't feel right about engaging in actual intercourse unless I would be in a position to deal with the possibility (no matter how small) of pregnancy.
Now for the slightly more personal/descriptive question. Sorry for the wordiness, but please, I could really use the advice. My question is mostly a plea for an outsider's sane input.
I have a tendency to always fear for the absolute worst, even if it is incredibly unlikely. As in, the only sexual behaviour we have engaged in is manual stimulation. Always me first, then him, so no ejaculate on his hands, etc. He always cums only on my chest, arm, hand. Within a couple of minutes afterwards I either clean carefully with hot soapy water and a wash cloth, or a quick shower, depending on his enthusiasm that night.

I actually had myself so freaked out a few months ago though when I skipped two periods(very unlike me) that I went out and bought a pregnancy test even though logically I knew that there was a gazillion to one chance that I could possibly be pregnant. After that I researched very thoroughly birth control options, and was again completely freaked out by how many adverse reactions and side effects there are to nearly every one of them. And I have several cousins who have even been hospitalized for a time from taking different bc pills.
So, basically, should I just chill out, and realize that I shouldn't need to worry about bc until/if we decide to take the step towards full intercourse? Or should I be logically as well as emotionally worried about our current activities having consequences? And, although I have had the thought of condoms, I don't think that would work for him to achieve completion, and I have always had a very strong desire to not use them myself unless in desperation. Any advice greatly appreciated. I am a newbie to this relationship thing and don't really have anyone to answer these questions for me.

**Mes T** · 12-14-2009 08:46 PM

Okay well first off, if you know for a fact that you won't be engaging in actual intercourse, then you don't need birth control of any kind for that time.

BUT, if you're freaked out about the possibility of getting pregnant all the time (yeah I guess it's possible that he could accidentally ejaculate on the wrong place and blah blah blah), AND if you think there's a possibility you could stick with this guy long enough to have intercourse, then I think it'd be a good idea to find a form of birth control that works for you.

Try not to pay too much attention to the horror stories you've heard. Most women out there are very happy with their birth control.

In the States, the pill is very popular. There are tons and tons of brands, some with different degrees of side effects, so this is something you'd have to research thoroughly first. Many women who are on the pill experience NO side effects (other than a lighter period, which most people think is a good thing), while other women unfortunately do.

My body didn't react too well to birth control pills, especially since for various reasons I had to switch brands pretty often... So I ended up getting a non-hormonal IUD. These are very popular around the world, not so much in the States, but I think that's starting to change. The pros of this option are a) no hormones to screw with your body, b) no having to remember to take a pill every day, and c) it can last many years if you want it to.

Anyway, the point is, side effects vary between women, and some are GOOD side effects too, which should be considered. You won't find out how your body will handle something unless you try it. Who knows, maybe for you, birth control (whichever option you choose) could turn out to be the best thing ever!

**ItsASecret** · 12-14-2009 11:28 PM

The semen needs to make it into your vagina to even have the chance to impregnate you. Since you are very cautious of this, the chances of you getting pregnant are nil. As for the pill, well you can take non hormonal or hormonal varieties. I am on a tri-phasic pill called Tri-Cyclen and it has worked great for me (the tri-phasic variety allows for more regulation of the menstrual cycle).

**kira** · 12-15-2009 12:46 PM

Sperm dies easy. If it dries it's dead. If it's submerged in water it's dead. If it gets too acidic it's dead. Odds are nearly impossible you'll get pregnant unless semen goes directly on to the vaginal opening. Then again odds aren't much higher you'll get pregnant while using birth control properly and actually having sex. If you know you don't want kids for awhile even if you do get married an IUD might not be a bad idea. Just keep in mind no matter how many people have no problems with birth control it all has risks and everyone's reaction is individual.

**b02001** · 12-15-2009 05:20 PM

Thanks everyone. In my mind I know that I am freaking out for no real reason at this point. I just have not really found anything in the way of bc that makes me feel comfortable about using what is available. And I know you can't know your own personal reaction to any type of birth control until you actually try it, but boy, I am really not sure what I will try when I feel that I really do need it. I do want kids some time in the not too distant future, but with the amount of hours I work and the amount of money I make (or don't make) right now, that is not an option at least for the next few years. Well, and I think I would prefer the whole marriage first, then kids bit. I guess I will reach that bridge when I get there.