Ahryin

My brothers and sisters and I are very close its a ride or die theme. We don't always get along but on our worse day if someone else comes and attempts to mess with the family we could be screaming at each other and would literally shut up and turn on the one trying to hurt one of our family memebers.

I guess I was just raised different. I'm very assertive. I have had to fight my entire life (kinda like Sophia from Color Purple) When I was a girl I remember I lost a fight to a little boy. The little boy would always talk bad about me and push me pull my hair throw papers at me (I realize now he probably just liked me..lol) At first my cousins and one of my brothers were on the way to track the boy down. My father said "NO..she has to learn she can not loose and must depend on herself" The next morning he woke me up at 4:30am! I got dressed and we walked to the little boys house. He told me "you are going fight until you win. So if you don't win today you are going to come back tomorrow, if you don't win tomorrow you are going to come back the next day...and every day after that until you win. Life is hard and a chess game..you can not and will not loose."
I was scared out of my mind, he saw it in my eyes and told me..."Fear is never an option for you" He came with me to the door and knocked on the door when the boys father answered my father who stood 5'11 told this huge burley man who looked at least 6'3 6'4 and had to be double my fathers size that "I" was here to fight his son. He looked him dead in the eye and said your son beat my daughter yesterday and now she is here for a rematch and she will be here everyday until she beats him. Seeing my father stand there with his chest out not flinching made me proud. I remember feeling something stir inside of me and the fear started to disappear. Up until then I had always had my family to protect me. Dont get me wrong I did fight girls for my brothers because they weren't allowed to hit them. However they were always behind me.
The man was furious with his son for hitting a girl. He dragged him out of bed and we followed them into their backyard. My father took boxing gloves out of NOWHERE and put them on my hands and on the little boys hands. I had to be all of 9 years old.
Before we begun my father took me to the corner of the yard he crouched down so he was eye to eye with me and told me that this was a lesson I had to learn, that there would be a time when I had to depend on myself and myself alone. That as a young girl growing into a woman I would be constantly faced with trials and tribulations and had to find the Fire within myself to overcome any and all situations. That I had to see that no one can defeat me unless I allow them to do so. He kissed me on my head and gave me a hug and sent me towards the boy.
I remember this like it was yesterday. I believe its because this was the first of many lessons my father had in store for me. Life lessons that have contributed to the woman I am today. It amazes me that I was 9years old!
The boy had fear throughout his eyes writen all over his face. When I saw what fear actually looked like I knew I never wanted anyone to see that from me. So I went in. It only took two punches and down he went. I believe the little boy threw the fight..lol His father was standing right behind him and he walked up to me and said Your father is a smart man with a beautiful daughter. If my son ever touches you again, if any boy ever touches you remember what your father told you. Fight until you win!

For many years I thought about that fight. It was an awakening for me. The rest of the day shoot the rest of the week I walked with my head high and chest out. My family was patting me on the back ( let me also explain that I was the baby all of my brothers and sisters are a lot older than I am, my cousins of whom I will mention in blogs later to come were also like my brothers and closer to my age)

I guess my point for these blogs is to finally learn how to open up. Also I really like this site and I want my WH fam to understand what kind of woman I am and why I am this way. It is also self therapy. There are a lot of things I chose not to deal with because I don't know how so my thought patern is maybe if I give some background into who I am and what I have been through I can allow myself to be helped, help myself and hopefully help others