Ahryin

Ok so I haven't talked much about this and I think that maybe if I actually just sit down and write about it then I will feel a little better and heal a little better.

So SuperBowl night while most people were partying etc (Feb 09) I was on my way home. My cousin was driving my two daughters and myself home. We got on the highway and saw an older man stuck and stranded on the entrance ramp. Well...we pulled over (by the way my cousin is a woman) and I got out of the car and asked the man if he was ok. Truthfully we thought maybe he just needed to use a cell phone. Everyone knows that older people are less prone to have a cell phone.

Well he said all he needed was a jack, since we had one in the car I said ok no problem. We advised him to move his car up because where he was situated was dangerous. He moved it up some (enough where he wasn't in any cars direct path)
Well he was having a hard time changing the tire and using the Jack so I asked him if he needed help. My cousin moved the car up so my girls and herself were in less danger. She kept a steady eye on me and I still had my cell phone. I called my SO who was very adiment that I needed to leave right then and there. He did NOT want me helping this man on the highway and made that very clear that he wanted me to get back in the car. I brushed off his direct demand as over reacting.
I hung up the phone and stood behind the mans car inbetween the blinking hazard lights. It seemed as if the older man was doing just fine now, when I turned back around to walk back to the shoulder of the highway I heard the older man scream "WATCH OUT"....Now I don't remember being hit however I remember hearing myself get hit...
I don't know how I got behind the car that hit me but I remember my legs feeling wet but yet I couldn't really feel anything else other than the wetness. I couldn't hear anything but my cousins voice screaming my name and saying Oh God
I remember trying to stand but I couldn't stand, then it was like I just snapped into the reality that I was just hit and the guy that was hitting me was backing up. Instinct took over and I started to crawl since I couldn't walk. The man that hit me was actually trying to back over me to escape. I saw the older gentleman whom I had helped trying to punch the window in over the driver who hit me. I assume to get him to stop the car. I saw another pedestrian come behind the car (on the side of me) to try and stop the car from being able to move. Thats when I stopped crawling because I was exhausted and just laid there.
I felt cold, everyone was talking to me and I could see thier mouths move but I couldn't hear them, the only person I could voice I could hear was my cousins. I don't know if its because her and I are close, but thats all I could recognize.
Mind you this entire time my then 2yr old was in her car seat sleep and my then 7yr old was watching everything. She thought I was dead....the police kept my cousin out of the car for 45mins... so for 45mins my baby girl was alone thinking her mother was dead with no information on what was going on. As soon as my cousin got back in the car the first question she asked was "is my mother dead"
They put me in the ambulance and took me to a trauma center. I had lost a piece of my thigh and had deep lacerations on my other leg, hip and butt.
My other cousin had to call my mother who didn't understand at first that I was actually (my body) hit by a car. She had to keep explaining to her over and over that I have been hit until it finally clicked in her mind.
Somewhere along the ride in the ambulance pain kicked in and I couldn't breathe it hurt so much! I didn't know where my girls were, no one was with me, I didn't know how to get a hold of my SO. My cell phone was lost (recovered by the cops and I still use it today...yea Google phone! it's tarnished but still works great which I take as a metaphore for myself! I will NEVER give this phone up, even if I don't use it I will still keep it) but I kept thinking..wow I'm alone

It took forever to get everything done they kept giving me more and more pain meds but nothing was working (this is when having a high drug tolerance sucks!...also I'm alergic to asprin so that limits what I can be given)

Finally my mother came in and she was shaking and crying. I tried to calm her down but she had already seen my legs so that was nearly impossible. I was tired and couldn't sleep, in pain and couldn't stop it...then my cousins came in and the docs came in. thats when I was told I wouldn't be able to walk for a very long time .... Needless to say it only took me 2wks to a month!

Also let me mention that the man that hit me was drunk and on cocaine when he hit me. His insurance has given me nothing but trouble and is refusing to pay any of my medical bills!

Now for the OMG you got to be kidding me part. This for whatever reason sticks out to me which is probably yet another reason why I can't trust men....

So when I finally got home I called my SO (remember I had lost my cell phone and couldn't remember his phone number I had to wait until I could calm down and get his number straight in my mind) (oh yeah because I had a concusion as well) I called my SO and told him what happened his response "So what exactly do you want me to do" except it was said very sarcastically with an indifferent undertone...then he dug into me..."I told you not to help that man, didn't I tell you it wasn't safe..what do you want me to do!" Yes ... he freaking screamed on me! So I did what any logical woman in my state would do...I lit into his asterisk! We broke up....so when I say we broke up for a couple of weeks before getting back together now you know why....and he slept with someone during that time...so thats why at times I'm ify about him. I realize he is not an emotional person, I realize he probably freaked and didn't know what to do, that I was seriously hurt and he felt helpless and protective at the same time...all of this I realized later but at that moment when I felt I really needed him...he wasn't there.

So now I'm in recovery stage...I've had one major procedure and 5minor procedures, i'm walking, at times I can run but only for short distances...i've gained a lot of weight since the accident but thats because I couldn't move for a while and when I did move it was only short distances. I have to go to the docs once a week to have my leg drained which sucks and is very painful, but i'm a fighter and you will never tell me I can't do what I know I can!

I just want to freaking loose this weight, i'm uncomfortable this way..I've always been big but not this big

Ok I've gotten this off of my chest....but nope don't feel better