Secrets of the Abyss

I went out walking at the park we used to go to,
But this time, with an old friend...
Yeah, a guy friend.

We walked and talked, we even played in the swing where we used to be
We revisited the places,
I braved the pain.

It was like a cathartic move,
It was like purging all ...
All these bottled up emotions
That I hid deep within.

We went to a sports bar this night,
I had a glass of white russians -
The first time I've had with a guy friend on my side...

(I've never had an alcoholic drink when I am out with anyone, unless he's my bf)

I didn't get drunk
I wanted to keep my integrity
and dignity
And I managed.

We dared each other,
Played pool - 4 rounds actually,
It was a draw!
I wonder if he let me win
So I can feel good,
I don't know.

But I enjoyed it.
We set our next friends' date
It will be a movie.
So I am looking forward to it.

He's a writer,
He writes fiction, sci-fi, futuristic, mysterious types of books
He's very kind and supportive.
And I am thankful that
He's a good friend.

We shared a fascination on certain aspects,
It made our evening fun.
Eddie Izzard is one, anime is another...
Pulp Fiction, The Big Lebowski, among others...

I thank you for aculturating me to those
You have opened my eyes to a wider genre of things.
You made and unmade me in a certain degree.

Now it is my turn to MAKE me, ME.

I drove home, at 12:15 AM...
Again, my first time to be out this late.
Not a decent time for a lady to be out,
As per cultural mandate.

As I manned my steering wheel,
I dug deep in my heart...
Inhaled...exhaled...
I felt light, and happy.

Somehow, I felt...
I DON'T LOVE YOU anymore.
I felt relieved of that fact.
Like I care?

Now all I have to focus on
Is to get rid of ALL the attachments of you
I will soon...
Little by little.
One day, you'll be a stranger in my eyes and heart.

Thanks to you.