Secrets of the Abyss

2-1-2010


Right now, I have to be in the moment and feel what it is that I feel brewing in the deepest of my being.

I want to cry for help, from all the powers of the universe, to grant me this one wish...to be able to stay with my love forever.

I am in the brink of tears as I type this log. I don't know what to do. Thinking about all these processes give me a roller coaster ride and an upturned tummy at the same time.

Waiting...
Ah, the joys of waiting!
It is difficult. The fact that our future is in the hands of other people. People in higher places. People who don't even know what you and I have gone through, what weather I have stormed!

It makes me want to scream. I want to tell the whole world right now: "Screw YOU!" Who are you to tell me where to go? Who are you to decide for me? Why?

My government...I know when it drafted that policy meant well. But they failed to see the bigger picture. They make it difficult for us, professionals to just fly and get away. They wanted to keep us. We're not their property! They could not even give us a decent income to live a decent life as professionals who worked hard getting his/her education, slaved his/her way to success. It's all unfair.

They said it must be done or else they will fall scarce of their brained citizens. Yeah, right! Fix your corrupt government, and pay us what we deserve. I'd love to come home, my parents are there, but that was when I was single. This time is different - I have a wonderful, loving husband to cherish and be with for as long as I live.

Back there in that corrupt society, I used chalkboards in the classroom. I am allergic to chalk dust, so I go home with an asthma attack almost everyday. I love the weather, but when it rains, yeah, it pours - not only that! IT FLOODS! My cute little frame imagine it, walking through a hip or waist - high water, hoping there is no open man-hole that could swallow me whole and ... gone!

I spent my personal money in buying my teaching materials. I even painted my own classroom, decorated it and garden the outside, sort of like my second home, you know. I stay up hours at night, preparing and writing lesson plans and visual aids, and still do household chores, i.e. laundry (manually done - no washing machine), fetch water (water pump - manual again), scrub floors (another "workout"), clean, garden and weed the yard and a whole lot more you don't know because of the different way of life you were raised.

I love the manual labor. It saves me $$ and trips to the gym. But having nosy neighbors? It is annoying! Traffic, pollution, the crime rate among others...I wonder if after living here in the US for 3 years, I would still be tolerant as I was before.

Ah...what can I do? Nothing, but wait...wait...wait..and wait some more.

Patience is a virtue.

(Good vent!)