Dear Diary

It's been a considerable amount of time since I last posted here. And I feel a little sad that I never followed through some if my self-monitoring logs on the other stuff.

Anyway....

I feel hot and then cold physically - I'm only 31! Am I menopausing already?! It's really weird!

I also feel like I've been so needy lately and very impatient. I couldn't even wait for this episode I'm having now to subside on it's own without broadcasting it to the whole ...

I know, I should not do this, but I am alone, no one to talk to but this computer and you.

I feel so bad really. Aside from being ill today, which I entirely blame to over-fatigue, my stinky students added to it.

1st hr: I had a student who doesn't bathe nor brush. So stinky makes me want to puke!

6-7th hr: coughing kid, didn't bathe, didn't brush

8=9th hr: all good, a little smell from one of the 3, but the smell I have "collected" ...

As of now...

When we're together,
Please treasure it
For I do not know when
I can be with you again.

When I'm around,
Please make sure
You've done your best
Like you always do
For I cannot promise
I can be with you
The next time around.

I didn't mean that I
Will wander and forget
About you,
But I don't hold my life.
I might not be here
Tomorrow or the next day,
...

03-10-10

My co-worker, mentor, "mother", friend and critic died last night. We weren't told of the reasons yet as of this time. My building administrator just relayed to us that she was found by her husband unconscious.

I thought it was her I saw in her classroom this morning, I almost went in to say hi and give her a hug. Since I moved into another classroom, she and I have been playing hide-and-seek. I have always meant to drop by her classroom and chat with ...

2-1-2010


Right now, I have to be in the moment and feel what it is that I feel brewing in the deepest of my being.

I want to cry for help, from all the powers of the universe, to grant me this one wish...to be able to stay with my love forever.

I am in the brink of tears as I type this log. I don't know what to do. Thinking about all these processes give me a roller coaster ride and an upturned tummy at the same time.

Waiting...
Ah, ...