<![CDATA[Women's Health Support Forums - Blogs - Secrets of the Abyss by caterpillar79]]> http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/ en Thu, 16 Feb 2012 07:18:43 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/images/misc/rss.jpg <![CDATA[Women's Health Support Forums - Blogs - Secrets of the Abyss by caterpillar79]]> http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/ Why am I like this? http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/523-why-am-i-like.html Tue, 14 Sep 2010 04:40:54 GMT It's been a considerable amount of time since I last posted here. And I feel a little sad that I never followed through some if my self-monitoring logs on the other stuff.

Anyway....

I feel hot and then cold physically - I'm only 31! Am I menopausing already?! It's really weird!

I also feel like I've been so needy lately and very impatient. I couldn't even wait for this episode I'm having now to subside on it's own without broadcasting it to the whole wide world. How disturbing is that?

My poor husband has been putting up with my blah for quite a while now and he's very good at it. I couldn't imagine how he handles me!

All I do is think about how I am, how I feel, why I do, and how can I feel better if I'm not, without even considering if he's tired, sleepy or just wants time for himself.

I know I deserve so much and he's giving them to me. Though lately I noticed, I've been having bouts with my sex drive - how often I want it relative to his. There were times I was not in the mood but I still did it anyway because I was afraid he won't ask or initiate again if I decline, so I never did. But don't get me wrong, I was happy to do it, as in the end I also eventually warmed up.

Now that we're married, somehow his drive went down and for some reason I feel the negative things like "Is he not attracted to me anymore?", "Do I not turn him on?", etc..., which I know are unfounded yet I feel anyway.

I miss the days when it was as if he couldn't have enough if me. I miss the days when he's extremely affectionate. Or I am being unrealistic! These things simmer down as the marriage carries on...familiarity makes these things subside? If that's the case, I want to make the difference. I don't know how though.

I'm affectionate and all, but the idea of initiating sex more often than your man leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It just doesn't sit well in my heart. It feels awfully pathetic! I don't mind if I'd ocassionally be initiating, but not most of the time. I'm afraid if it has to come to that point, where I'd have to ask for it, beg even, I'd shut myself off and lead a platonic life - I wonder if I could even do that!

I cannot do some self-stimulation. I get irritated so easily. Lubes worsen it, toys just add more discomfort. What do I do then? Cross-stitch my way to euphoria?
How pathetic this could become if I couldn't find the right balance. Oh, dear me! ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/523-why-am-i-like.html Day 3 I feel...What do you think? http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/457-day-3-i-feel-what-do-you-think.html Thu, 29 Apr 2010 21:51:21 GMT This is another exercise from Rori Raye's book that I am currently doing. Since my issue is not being able to verbally share out how I feel...

I feel….what do you think?

I feel cherished when you listen to me as I share about my emotions
I feel loved every time you touch me whenever, wherever we are
I feel treasured when you call me when we’re not together, to see how I am holding up
I feel sexy when you kiss me and touch my curves so gently and passionately
I feel like a diva, a siren every time you initiate to make love
I feel adorable every time you smile at me and kiss me on my neck or forehead
I feel special when you cook me lunch or dinner, when you massage or bathe me
I feel energetic and vibrant when we go for a walk or die our tandem
I feel so at peace when we tend to our plants
I feel that I am not alone when you help me out in cooking, washing dishes, or doing laundry
I feel that you appreciate what I am doing when you offer to help out in any way
I feel proud when you take care of things and provide for me
These are the things that I feel every time you do
I would love to feel these time and again
I want to experience and taste
Our lives getting sweeter and richer each day
As we walk hand-in-hand
In this life’s journey together.
How can I keep feeling?
What do you think? ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/457-day-3-i-feel-what-do-you-think.html Day 2 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/454-day-2.html Wed, 28 Apr 2010 22:39:46 GMT 1. I walked with my pregnant GF at the park for about 2 hours last night and we enjoyed it so much. I picked her up, had pizza and shared about our... 1. I walked with my pregnant GF at the park for about 2 hours last night and we enjoyed it so much. I picked her up, had pizza and shared about our passion in cooking and baking...I will try to make my own 'pan de sal'.


2. I am happy on my own. Never was I at peace than I am this day.


3. I learned about listening LEVEL 1 and 2. And that my goal is to cultivate my skills and bump it up to level 2.


4. I enjoyed playing with my faithful and loving husband on my iPhone. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/454-day-2.html Day 1 of being a puppa http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/453-day-1-being-puppa.html Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:11:17 GMT I am reading this ebook by Rori Raye, Have the Relationship You Want. I will be using this blog to document my progress as I explore the scary part... I am reading this ebook by Rori Raye, Have the Relationship You Want. I will be using this blog to document my progress as I explore the scary part of me in order to completely heal and be able to give my untainted self to my faithful husband, for he deserves it all.

In the book, she discusses about feminine and masculine roles, and which one I choose to be. That being said, I am taking the feminine role. In my fantasy/ ideal world, I want to surrender to romance, allowing my husband to treasure my feelings, concerning myself with fun, my environment, taking time to myself, allowing my faithful and loving husband to be in action, handling things.

I know he is doing it now, and is doing a phenominal job.

As of now though, I am afraid that as I explore the dark parts of my closet, that I would feel withdrawn, that I'd be scared to continue exploring.

That's just unfounded fear though. In order for me to STOP this negativity, I'd have to think of 3 things as my STOP sign:

1. the way he hugs me from behind and touches me on my shoulders/the little of my back when I am washing dishes in the kitchen or cooking

2. the way we share about our "a-ha" moments at home or in the car

3. the way he bathes me in the shower or walks about the room in his boxers (go figure)

For now, I am content. Today is a great day to celebrate this new found tool. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/453-day-1-being-puppa.html <![CDATA[What I hear when you say "I love you"]]> http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/450-what-i-hear-when-you-say-i-love-you.html Thu, 22 Apr 2010 23:30:51 GMT (Part 1)

I am still mending
I know I said I'm past it
I know I am
And I think I am well.

But as wounds heal,
They leave scars
That summer had left
Scar tissues
Reminders of how great
It has been
And at the same time
How painful it was.

So here I am,
Writing to myself again
Trying to process
Everything
Anything that comes to mind

What do I hear when you tell me
"I love you"...

Ah, the best moment of my life
Is when you look me in the eye
And say these three words
And show me indeed!

After which you kiss me tenderly
Hug me tight or cuddle
And leave me breathless!

What do I hear when you say
"I love you?"

I hear these...

I love you,
I cannot imagine living without you by my side

I love you,
There is no one else in my heart but you alone.

I love you,
I am loyal and faithful to you for as long as I live.

I love you,
I will do my best to provide for you,
Add to your happiness,
As you do mine.

I love you,
I enjoy every waking moment with you.
To look to your glowing bed-face
And kiss your morning breath away!

I love you,
You are the hottest wife
in the world to me!

I love you,
I will do my best to keep
Improving myself, and not fall back
Into the pit of procrastination
So I have more to give to you.

I love you,
I will keep myself healthy
In order to take better care of you,
my wife!

I love you,
I shall share with you my all.


These are some of what I hear.
Believe me,
I hear a lot.

Call me weird,
Because I am.

You love me anyway! ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/450-what-i-hear-when-you-say-i-love-you.html Note to self on my clinginess and neediness http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/449-note-self-my-clinginess-neediness.html Thu, 22 Apr 2010 11:11:49 GMT Today, I dreamed about something related to the past which is somehow overboard - one that my husband didn't do nor plan to do, and yet, I felt hurt anyway - in my dream. And guess what, I woke up and reacted on it and just almost ruined our day as a couple!

It has been a rocky summer last year and I thought when we got back together, I have succeeded in putting it aside and close the book. I am wrong! That dream turned out to be the release of my pent - up emotions and they needed to be addressed head on, so I did.

I am afraid that I offended my loving husband by doing so. If I did, I didn't mean to. He said he felt like he was being implicated into cheating on me, which he didn't, and I know. Then and now are totally separate things, interconnected? yes, but not directly. I am sorry for this as well - I didn't mean to accuse him of any injustice for he has done nothing. It is just me.

We talked and he enlightened me on things and reassured me that he loves me and I believe him.

Because of this incident, I feel that I am back to square 1 of my clingy tendencies - I am regressing!

So, I read on to some threads and this caught my eye. I am adding this here as a reminder to myself. And as I feel like becoming clingy and needy again, I shall come back here and read this post from a wise individual, full of soul.

I will keep processing each pain that I feel from now on if possible on my own first. I will ask my loving husband's assistance if I could not manage it, but I should not be dependent on him totally. I need to acquire a certain degree of self-reliance and independence healthy enough to keep me vibrant as a person inside out so I can have more to share, to bring to the table once my husband and I get together. I should no longer make him my all day all night sounding board, for by doing so, I am losing myself and my dignity. Yes, it is important to share my thoughts to him, my fears, my dreams and innermost secrets, but all should be done in balance. By overly telling him all of my woes every single moment that I have one, I am burning him out, I am making him the center on my life; the one and only source of my happiness.

This has been my battle and I am going to win it.

Attached Post by Beautiful Disaster - Thank you for your thoughts, BD. You are a gem!

Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
Here's a look from the other side....I'm the total opposite of clingy. I struggle with having someone around "too much", or feeling that someone is too much into my space or my business. For those of us "non clingy" individuals, you clingy people sure do put a lot of pressure on us. :)

We need our time, we need our space, we need our friends, we need to know that our life doesn't start and stop with you.

We need to know that you won't literally fall to pieces if we're not around, or if things don't work out.

We need to know that we are not the only source of human companionship in your life.

We need to know you're genuine....and being overly clingy, lonely, needy seems more like a personality flaw, a weakness. Seems very opposite of genuine.

We want to feel wanted, but we are attracted to independence. Having friends, having hobbies, having interests other than ours.....VERY attractive. Literally living and breathing every word we say, everything we do, piggybacking off our friends (instead of making your own), being sad every time we're apart............NOT attractive.

We do not want to hold your lifes happiness in our hands.

Though a common problem among couples.......it's simply too much pressure to put on someone you love. Trust me, I can tell you first hand.

My suggestion, join a local gym and start attending aerobics. You will meet many other women and at the same time you'll become healthier and will boost your self esteem. Once you go a bit, you'll see familiar faces, strike up conversations, get phone numbers, plan dinner nights.....even on nights when you'd normally do something with your BF or husband.

Also, don't just plan things during the times he won't be around. Learn to get in your car and say "Gonna go run around for a while, be back later"..... go do some window shopping......go to a cafe and enjoy a cup of tea and a book....go somewhere and eat that your fella doesn't enjoy (it won't kill you to eat alone!).

Learn to enjoy yourself. Don't make him your life.......trust me, he doesn't want to be.

:) Hope this helps.
]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/449-note-self-my-clinginess-neediness.html My Thoughts On Submission http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/415-my-thoughts-submission.html Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:37:04 GMT There have been a lot of talks and debates about this subject – both political and religious, but I will not focus on any of those, though I would... There have been a lot of talks and debates about this subject – both political and religious, but I will not focus on any of those, though I would probably touch a little bit of both as I pour out my thoughts.


I was raised in a family of 3 kids, myself as the only daughter, the middle child. My mom is a Math teacher, while my dad served in the military in my country. We all went to school, as my mom had always lectured, it is the only legacy they can hand to us.


I know we’re poor, but unbeknownst to my dear parents, I felt I was one of the rich kids in the neighborhood. We were the first to have a concrete house, the first to have a TV set, a refrigerator and an alarm clock. I was the first kid in the block to have music lessons (piano).


During harvest time, our storage is full of produce: grains, fruit, corn; laborers line-up to get their wages. Each of us also had our own nannies. But still, we are poor – seriously!


Growing up, I felt I always had great ideas that people around me needed to hear. I had this burning desire to speak my mind, I was very confident and even in conflict with my brother or any adult in the house, I knew I could reason out with diplomacy and be heard. My eldest brother, on the other hand, was brought up spoiled, and I think having the 5 – year gap between us is one of the factors, for he got to enjoy everything all to himself, hence, when I was born, he resented it.


We had fought a lot of times from childhood until now that we’re adults. I’ve never won - I have always been bruised both emotionally and physically. I learned to rest my case the painful way. Going back, my mom and grandparents had always taught me to submit to all adults especially to my brother (of course, submission to parents and grandparents is given). Well, this meant, absolute obedience no questions asked. I learned to bottle up my thoughts and emotions in the last 28 years of my life. Coming to the US and living on my own is very new to me. Independence is indeed wonderful, yet intoxicating! I felt weird, like I didn’t know how to function normally.


Until now I have trouble expressing my thoughts verbally. Every time I have something to say, I need to stop and rethink yet my words would still elude me. I struggle in the middle of my discourse. And it bugs me to my deepest being. I am unlearning, learning, and relearning a lot.


I’m curious at how others would think about submission. Exactly, what does submission mean?


It should not be a bad word but when I utter the word, religious conviction comes to mind. Women are taught to submit to their husbands, simply because they should! If that’s what submission means, then I would not submit. Why you may ask? Because…what if my husband asks me to do something unethical? What if he asks me to do something I don’t like or don’t think I can do? Of course, he won’t do that for real, because I know, he is very loving and supportive and he always looks after my best interest.


Submission as I define it, in the scope of marriage, is not giving your husband your permission as the wife to do whatever he wants. It is not the wife giving up her mind and independence/autonomy for who she is to her spouse. To me, submission puts a man in a position of power – but only a selected few among them could handle. Likewise, it is not about one person being in total control. It means yielding from a position of strength. It is when a confident wife is willing to yield to her husband, not give absolute control to him. It is when a wife stands up to her spouse if something needs to be shared out; and from that strength and belief in herself, she yields to power that she has to his leadership, because she chooses to, not because she has to.


I found out through experience that insisting to have the same degree of autonomy whilst married could actually wreck havoc in a marriage. How? Because if I don’t give up my need to not be taken advantage of, I am inadvertently blocking intimacy. The power that I have in maintaining complete independence while married is really not power at all.

In the light of this, I realized that I really do have a lot of non-negotiables when it comes to submission. If my spouse punishes me for something we have disagreements about, by not calling or talking to me for 2 days or more, then I should not yield to him, then he could not have me. When he’s upset and he wants to go away and stay in his cave, and then when he’s ready to talk and wants me to be available to him right away without resolving the root-cause of the issue and helping me empathize with him and he to me, I will not give-in. To accommodate this kind of teenage logic is not being a submissive wife, but a desperate girlfriend who would do anything to keep a man.

His actions should match his words. If he acts poorly and speaks kindly, I shall go with his actions when I respond. If he wants to be the head of the household, then he has to lead like a man, not a little boy. This involves his humility, and I only think he is humble when he takes responsibility for his actions and means what he says and follows through his promises. When he takes responsibility, he should not blame it to others, when he admits his part or contribution to the problem or disagreement, he should not put someone else as an escape – goat. When he’s humble, he is open to listen to me and hears me from deep within -then, I shall yield and be his totally. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/415-my-thoughts-submission.html I feel bad http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/413-i-feel-bad.html Tue, 30 Mar 2010 02:22:40 GMT I know, I should not do this, but I am alone, no one to talk to but this computer and you. I feel so bad really. Aside from being ill today, which... I know, I should not do this, but I am alone, no one to talk to but this computer and you.

I feel so bad really. Aside from being ill today, which I entirely blame to over-fatigue, my stinky students added to it.

1st hr: I had a student who doesn't bathe nor brush. So stinky makes me want to puke!

6-7th hr: coughing kid, didn't bathe, didn't brush

8=9th hr: all good, a little smell from one of the 3, but the smell I have "collected" from period 1 onwards just stayed in my system and until now, I feel like puking. I hate this.

I wish I can tolerate this more, but I cannot hide it. Venting venting again. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/413-i-feel-bad.html This is what I think http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/409-what-i-think.html Mon, 29 Mar 2010 05:39:37 GMT As of now...

When we're together,
Please treasure it
For I do not know when
I can be with you again.

When I'm around,
Please make sure
You've done your best
Like you always do
For I cannot promise
I can be with you
The next time around.

I didn't mean that I
Will wander and forget
About you,
But I don't hold my life.
I might not be here
Tomorrow or the next day,

So when we're together,
I want us to enjoy it
The best we can
For I do not know
What tomorrow brings.

Please understand. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/409-what-i-think.html Living Each Day As My Last http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/369-living-each-day-my-last.html Thu, 11 Mar 2010 04:21:32 GMT 03-10-10

My co-worker, mentor, "mother", friend and critic died last night. We weren't told of the reasons yet as of this time. My building administrator just relayed to us that she was found by her husband unconscious.

I thought it was her I saw in her classroom this morning, I almost went in to say hi and give her a hug. Since I moved into another classroom, she and I have been playing hide-and-seek. I have always meant to drop by her classroom and chat with her or just hug.

Last Monday, as I walked past her at the hallway, she saw me and remarked that she doesn't see me anymore. I know, I could have grabbed that time, but I became a little distant, or maybe just stressed about my personal legal issues.

This is one of those incidents in my life that, to me, makes me adhere even more to my philosophy of living each day as my last.

Life is short and should not be wasted. If I love someone, I make sure that everyday I let them know of it. I make them feel it and hope that they appreciate what I do.

This one though, with Kay...I failed to be consistent about it. I know I was able to let her know, I am not guilty, nor do I regret anything. I just know that it will never be the same.

She had been the only mother I had physically here with me when I was in the dark moment of my life. She nurtured me, was patient with me, even professionally.

I will get over this, I am confident. But as of this moment, I need to purge and process so that tomorrow, I can face my students better. I need to be strong. I need to have a "game face" for all the students in my school. I have to be ready to handle her classes and even her caseloads.

My sweet husband, he is very supportive. I missed answering his calls, I didn't realize my phone was ringing...no, I didn't hear it ring at all. After driving by the park today, I went to my favorite alterations shop and had 2 dress pants hemmed. Then I decided to go and workout to feel the pain physically and at the same time keep up with my exercise regimen.

After this, I drove to the mall and looked around. Next thing I knew, I was fitting a cute dress top - I bought it, and maybe wear it on Friday. Anything to put my mind off of it I will do.

But see, my whole mind and body do not coordinate well. I broke my phone. It fell on the concrete parking lot. I called OKC and had a replacement arranged. Oh, dear!

Ahhh...such is life. We live and die. It's her turn. I hope she lived a happy life despite all her problems.

I don't want to pass this world not being able to cherish every moment with my love. I want to give my all and let you feel it whenever I can, because we'll never know what tomorrow brings.

I want to run into my loving husband's arms right now and bury my face. Feel his calming heartbeat and listen to his melodious breathing.

I look forward to the day that I can do these every time I want to.

I still,

I am,

Living each day as my last. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/369-living-each-day-my-last.html In the Moment http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/346-moment.html Tue, 02 Feb 2010 01:12:46 GMT 2-1-2010 Right now, I have to be in the moment and feel what it is that I feel brewing in the deepest of my being. I want to cry for help,... 2-1-2010


Right now, I have to be in the moment and feel what it is that I feel brewing in the deepest of my being.

I want to cry for help, from all the powers of the universe, to grant me this one wish...to be able to stay with my love forever.

I am in the brink of tears as I type this log. I don't know what to do. Thinking about all these processes give me a roller coaster ride and an upturned tummy at the same time.

Waiting...
Ah, the joys of waiting!
It is difficult. The fact that our future is in the hands of other people. People in higher places. People who don't even know what you and I have gone through, what weather I have stormed!

It makes me want to scream. I want to tell the whole world right now: "Screw YOU!" Who are you to tell me where to go? Who are you to decide for me? Why?

My government...I know when it drafted that policy meant well. But they failed to see the bigger picture. They make it difficult for us, professionals to just fly and get away. They wanted to keep us. We're not their property! They could not even give us a decent income to live a decent life as professionals who worked hard getting his/her education, slaved his/her way to success. It's all unfair.

They said it must be done or else they will fall scarce of their brained citizens. Yeah, right! Fix your corrupt government, and pay us what we deserve. I'd love to come home, my parents are there, but that was when I was single. This time is different - I have a wonderful, loving husband to cherish and be with for as long as I live.

Back there in that corrupt society, I used chalkboards in the classroom. I am allergic to chalk dust, so I go home with an asthma attack almost everyday. I love the weather, but when it rains, yeah, it pours - not only that! IT FLOODS!:D My cute little frame imagine it, walking through a hip or waist - high water, hoping there is no open man-hole that could swallow me whole and ... gone!

I spent my personal money in buying my teaching materials. I even painted my own classroom, decorated it and garden the outside, sort of like my second home, you know. I stay up hours at night, preparing and writing lesson plans and visual aids, and still do household chores, i.e. laundry (manually done - no washing machine), fetch water (water pump - manual again), scrub floors (another "workout"), clean, garden and weed the yard and a whole lot more you don't know because of the different way of life you were raised.

I love the manual labor. It saves me $$ and trips to the gym.:D But having nosy neighbors? It is annoying! Traffic, pollution, the crime rate among others...I wonder if after living here in the US for 3 years, I would still be tolerant as I was before.

Ah...what can I do? Nothing, but wait...wait...wait..and wait some more.

Patience is a virtue.

(Good vent!) ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/346-moment.html The Haunting http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/345-haunting.html Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:23:15 GMT 4AM, I heard it ring.
I picked up, answered, not knowing.
I was terrified! 'Twas a man's voice.:eek:

No, he's not my husband, I thought!
I listened more and listened well.
Asked who he was.
Said he's Van, I thought it was Ken.
I even thought it was my uncle 'BEN'.

And then, I listened long,
Then told him short,
I'm married, then hung up.
A minute later,'nother 'ring' came up.

"I moved to your area now,
Just like I promised you", said he.
"Too late now, I'm no longer
The free woman you once knew".

I said further,
When I told you before
That I don't feel anything for you,
It is true.
And when I told you I was getting married,
That is true too.

"NOW, I am married", I emphasized.
Said he thought I was joking and just wanted to banish him.

He insisted. Wanted us to talk more.
I was being polite, but told him,
Hey, I need to sleep.
He asked if we can hang out.

What the?! I told him no.
I AM MARRIED.
Happily married, I almost shouted.

He asked if I ever get lonely being on my own,
I said yes, but I get by.
My husband calls me often, almost every night.
I told the guy, my husband is very sweet and loving,
Caring. He takes good care of me.

He started to challenge what I said.
I refused to listen.
I cut the convo short and started to
Bid him goodbye (good riddance).


Glad he took a hint.

But this phone call
Once again
Resurfaced some hurt.
That made me want to
Run to my loving husband's arms.

To his refuge
For him to make me feel
And know that I am safe
That I am loved
or just be comforted.

Anxiety lifted.
Thrown out to the window
To be seen no more.

I called, no answer.
I called the 2nd time, 3rd time...
Left a message...
I was starting to feel some
Unrest brewing.

I hung up,
Cried and cried.
Helpless again.

Phone rang, I said "hello".
Hearing his voice,
My heart leaped,
I shed more tears,
Both of longing and joy.

Ah, so glad now.
Better inside out.
Blessed, thankful that
My husband,
loving, caring, faithful and true..
is my lover, my friend, my all. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/345-haunting.html Yet another Friday of my Life http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/343-yet-another-friday-my-life.html Fri, 29 Jan 2010 14:40:50 GMT Nothing special - it's just a Friday
But I am especially happy say,
I have talked to a long lost friend.

My bestfriend from high school.
She's much like me, bubbly and silly.

______________


I am sleepy
I shall lie down and doze off for a few. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/343-yet-another-friday-my-life.html <![CDATA[A Caterpillar's Creed]]> http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/338-caterpillars-creed.html Sat, 23 Jan 2010 13:03:02 GMT Thou shalt be content of what you have,
Or you'll feel inadequate all your life.

Thou shalt cry more
In cleanse your eyes and not leave them dry.

Thou shalt not expect anything,
Else you'll be dropped with a bomb in no time.

Thou shalt focus on yourself and only yourself
Until you are ready to get out of your coccoon.

Thou shalt learn to rely on your resources
And you'll be stronger.

Thou shalt keep your head high
Even if it is tired
For it shall eventually stay stiff that way.:eek:

Thou shalt keep smiling amidst the tears
For it lessens your likelihood of getting wrinkles,
It fakes your "happiness" I'm sure.

Thou shalt keep a record of what you eat,
And get "full" just by looking at it.:D

Thou shalt stay funny,
For funny people are cute.;)

*I feel way better now.... ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/338-caterpillars-creed.html I can go to distance http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/335-i-can-go-distance.html Fri, 15 Jan 2010 04:07:27 GMT I feel distant
I don't know why.

It feels like
On my own
Still
Alone.

Why is that?

Oh, life!
Baffling
Confusing
Stifling.

Tomorrow
I'll wake up
Conquer...
Again.


And live.
Love.
Be happy.


I want
Consistency.
Frequency.
Normalcy?


Whatever
It
Is...

I will
Figure
Conjure
For sure.

Now
That
I am
Able
To spew
These
Negativity,

I shall
Feel
Great
Again. ]]> caterpillar79 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/caterpillar79/335-i-can-go-distance.html