Secrets of the Abyss

I went out walking at the park we used to go to,
But this time, with an old friend...
Yeah, a guy friend.

We walked and talked, we even played in the swing where we used to be
We revisited the places,
I braved the pain.

It was like a cathartic move,
It was like purging all ...
All these bottled up emotions
That I hid deep within.

We went to a sports bar this night,
I had a glass of white russians -
...

I want to start writing a new chapter
in my life
But how do I start?

A clean slate
A newly sharpened pencil
A clear vision
A steadfast heart
And a wholesome mind.

An unwavering devotion
Unto a goal to improving oneself.
Unto reaching the highest level of maturity
ever possible
A degree that is attainable
By my limitations as a weak vessel.

I stand by its threshold,
Ready to go on... ...

If healing means hating you,
Then I will.

If it means throwing away all the memories that we've built together,
I will.

If it means going out to meet new people,
I will.

If it means working my butt off on Taekwando and imagine kicking you to death, I will.

I shall rise and see your downfall
You shall see how you ungratefully threw away the most precious gem that you once had.

I will be a new stronger person ...

still couldn't eat...
just to brave the driving scare, i went out driving to a friend's place who was not at home...

I drove to copper oven to force something into my poor tummy...ordered salmon fillet with some veggies and soup...just sipped the soup, had the rest boxed to go...and I took off...

In my place now, I am still looking at the food...can't eat...

On my way back to the slim world where I used to be............


I will ...

Smile...fake it 'till I make it,

Be patient with myself
Feel my emotions
Watch them pass me by

See myself through the tunnel
Be a better person
Live each day at a time

Leave everything to God
Retrace my path back to Him
Bridge the gap that I created with the only person who loves me genuinely

Take my time,
Meet more people
Choose whom to trust fully

Be self-reliant
Be confident ...