Secrets of the Abyss

2-1-2010


Right now, I have to be in the moment and feel what it is that I feel brewing in the deepest of my being.

I want to cry for help, from all the powers of the universe, to grant me this one wish...to be able to stay with my love forever.

I am in the brink of tears as I type this log. I don't know what to do. Thinking about all these processes give me a roller coaster ride and an upturned tummy at the same time.

Waiting...
Ah, ...

4AM, I heard it ring.
I picked up, answered, not knowing.
I was terrified! 'Twas a man's voice.

No, he's not my husband, I thought!
I listened more and listened well.
Asked who he was.
Said he's Van, I thought it was Ken.
I even thought it was my uncle 'BEN'.

And then, I listened long,
Then told him short,
I'm married, then hung up.
A minute later,'nother 'ring' came up.

"I moved to your area ...

Nothing special - it's just a Friday
But I am especially happy say,
I have talked to a long lost friend.

My bestfriend from high school.
She's much like me, bubbly and silly.

______________


I am sleepy
I shall lie down and doze off for a few.

Thou shalt be content of what you have,
Or you'll feel inadequate all your life.

Thou shalt cry more
In cleanse your eyes and not leave them dry.

Thou shalt not expect anything,
Else you'll be dropped with a bomb in no time.

Thou shalt focus on yourself and only yourself
Until you are ready to get out of your coccoon.

Thou shalt learn to rely on your resources
And you'll be stronger.

Thou shalt keep your ...

I feel distant
I don't know why.

It feels like
On my own
Still
Alone.

Why is that?

Oh, life!
Baffling
Confusing
Stifling.

Tomorrow
I'll wake up
Conquer...
Again.


And live.
Love.
Be happy.


I want
Consistency.
Frequency.
Normalcy?


Whatever
It
Is...

I will
Figure ...