Secrets of the Abyss

I thought I CAN manage
I did for a while
But my spirit is low
and not in-sync.

I did something last night
That surely would break your heart
I did it, because I hate you
I hate ME.

I no longer want to live,
I want to sleep endlessly
Never to wake up.

I feel so empty
I feel all alone
I don't have anybody
To turn to but myself.

I wanted to be patient
I wanted to be caring ...

OK, here goes what happened last night...

There was a bit of fireworks display in the sky last night, as I drove to his place - it was just about 10 mins. away.

I drove slow this time...lol
I got htere, we hugged.
He showed me around his house.
Also showed me the antique chair he is stripping,
Which looks fantastic.

We sat on the couch, quite away from each other.
We talked about our families, friends,
and what we do ...

Monday - Sweet Adelines International (Wichita Chorus) - 7:30pm- 10:00pm

Tuesday - Taekwando - 7:30pm - 8:30pm

Wednesday - Centergy (Yoga and Pilates combined - advanced class) - 6:30pm - 7:30pm

Thursday - Taekwando - 7:30pm - 8:30pm

Friday - Weight lifting/Gym workout

Saturday - Centergy (Yoga and Pilates combined - advanced class) - 10:30am - 11:30am

Sunday - walk in the park, or just be lazy

Just a note to remember and vent as well...

I am currently having my double plan, and I received a text from him (D)...asking me where we'd hang out. Two places were suggested: starbucks + movie, or his place + movie... I chose his place...

This, I think would be a good measure whether he is agressive or not, whether he is just after sex or really in for the long haul.

This is the make it or break it night. Tonight, I shall also discover if my heart has ...

Early this morning,
He texted at last!
Started with a casual "Good morning!"
Which eventually paved
Into him asking for a second date.

Gosh! That was quick!
He didn't wait for that scripted 3-day rule.
He is spontaneous,
Appealing and driven.

I wonder how it would be,
He is the dream guy for me.

Yet, I am rediscovering myself
At the same time,
Is this too soon to get out there n' shine? ...