Sick of being in Pain!
I really don't know what's wrong with me. For the past three days (ever since Friday the 13th of all days), my head and neck have been utterly painful. I get pain in my temple area, in my jaw, in my neck and down into my shoulder/ upper arm area. I get very vague nausea but it doesn't interfere with my daily activities, AND I couldn't sleep for a while last night because my right ear was stinging inside like I had some sort of infection, even when I don't!
It started on the right side on Friday, then on Saturday all the pain seemed to shift to the left, and this Sunday it shifted back to the right again! And Sunday night after having a huge sob-fest over all of the stress I'm under and the fact that I've been in pain for two (now three) days straight now made my eyelid on the right side start twitching at random times. I don't know if that's stress or a sign of me slowly going mad.
I don't know if it's muscle tension, or my nerves firing, or an aneurysm. I'm so scared whenever I get head/neck pain and I don't know what's wrong with me.
My posture is horrendous when I'm at my own computer or sitting in class, I spend a lot of time in front of the computer on a daily basis because of my coursework (no one uses paper at my University anymore, I swear!), and add to that at least two exams, two quizzes, a research paper, and extra credit I have to deal with all this week...
I am so tired of being in pain like this all the time. And I hate the fear I have to deal with every day about aneurysms. I mean, logically I can look at it and say: "I'm overweight, but my blood pressure is usually normal, I don't smoke or do drugs, I don't drink at all, no one in my family to my knowledge has a history of a brain aneurysm, I don't have hardening arteries, the last head injury I had was slipping in the shower Freshman year, and I don't have any blood infections. But at the same time, some miniscule part of me is screaming saying "3 to 5% of the US population get them! You could be in that range!" It's terrifying.
I haven't been to see my therapist in over a week because I thought I caught H1N1 (my roommate and our friend both had it) and I didn't want to risk infecting anyone. But even then, he's a University therapist, so he can only do so much. My friend who used to give me massages is now demanding 5 bucks for payment, even though he knows I only get 12 bucks a week from my job, and this next paycheck I'm getting is going to other people!
I just want to throw in the towel and give up on everything right now. I am so tired of being in pain and being afraid all the time. And I'm sick of my fears affecting my work, and the free time I have. It's gotten so bad that some days I'll just lie in bed and try to sleep, or wonder what the meaning of life is if I could just blip out of it before I've done anything I've really wanted to do, like get married, raise a family, have a steady job...I don't know what to do anymore.
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