http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/ en Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:59:32 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/ http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/524-my-new-hobby.html Tue, 14 Sep 2010 20:23:36 GMT My father told me I should start up a hobby so that I can get my mind off my health problems and ease my worries. I have developed many: 1.... My father told me I should start up a hobby so that I can get my mind off my health problems and ease my worries. I have developed many:

1. Learning to Crochet
2. Reading books outside of class books
3. Practicing very old-fashioned etiquette/trying to act like a lady or a princess
4. Blog surfing
5. Photography

The last two interests have sparked my most recent project. I went blog surfing a number of months ago, and stumbled upon so many lovely, dreamy blogs. I was inspired to write my own, which in turn inspired me to take photographs of the world around me and weave beautiful stories and words around it.

You see, rather than focusing on the upsetting things in my life, I want to turn my life into a faerie-story, something sweet and dreamy. Surely there are wolves in the wood, goblins and wraiths that will frighten me, but why not make my fears something beautiful too?

To those who are interested, I invite you to read my blog, Outside the Faerie Ring. Also, while you are there, please also look at the blogs and websites I have listed. There are the blogs which inspired me such as Dear Sweetlings and The Lost Princess, as well as my boyfriend's webcomic, Taka Comics. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/524-my-new-hobby.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/508-normal-good-maybe-i-can-stop-worrying.html Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:41:03 GMT Finally! A happy blog post!!! :D

I went to my doctor on July 9th, and I had an EKG, which turned up normal. "V" as I will call him, told me that he gets heart palpitations too, and it's completely normal. He told me to go in for my annual blood tests as soon as was possible to get everything checked. I went in on July 13.

Well, I got my results in the mail today! Everything is normal! My bad cholesterol is just shy of 100, which can be fixed, and everything else looks like it's in tip-top shape! Kidneys, thyroid, liver, blood all healthy!

Looks like the only thing I need to work on is my weight! Maybe now with this reassurance, I can finally stop worrying so much! :D ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/508-normal-good-maybe-i-can-stop-worrying.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/507-birthdays-anxiety.html Sun, 11 Jul 2010 15:25:33 GMT I don't know what I'm doing now. I'm 22, it's my birthday, and I am sitting in my room, on WebMD's Symptom checker of all things.

I've been concerned about some pain behind my left eye, and now there's pain in my upper left abdomen, sometimes gnawing. I am also belching a lot and had about four slices of very greasy pizza, and I want to chalk it up to heartburn. I try so hard not to think of it, and I want to be healthy, but it's terrifying me.

I think I have some sort of anxiety disorder. My panic attacks a couple days ago (I had two within six hours, which is pretty new to me), left me with the sensation of my skin crawling, pins and needles, like someone had dropped me in a tiny glass room full of ants and spiders, which didn't go away until yesterday, really.

In "King's Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow" there was a puzzle in the minotaur's labyrinth in which you had to step on the proper pattern of tiles in order to safely make it to the next room. If you stepped on the wrong tile, you fell through and it was "Game Over." I feel like I'm in that room (which, actually, was my least favorite part of the whole game). I can see the other doorway and how happy I can be, but I'm sitting on the floor in a ball in front of the locked entrance, and I'm too afraid to take any steps forward because I fear falling through.

It's like staring into the face of a dragon, ringed with lightning and a voice like thunder, beating at the walls of your castle every day and night without tiring. I'm the trapped princess, but no prince can come save me. My castle is too far for anyone to reach. I can only save myself, and yet I am too afraid to face it for fear I'll be swallowed up.

I'm always afraid something will happen to me, or someone I love, and it's becoming maddening. I am home alone all day almost every day until about 4, and I have no one to talk to during that time. I become incessantly obsessed with my health. It's been going on for a year now. I was worried about my health on my birthday last year, too. I don't want every birthday coupled with a fit of nerves and tied up with a bow of anxiousness! I want to be sane again. I want to not worry about every ache and pain and twinge.

I don't know why I'm so afraid. Maybe it's because last year I turned 21 and I realized I had to grow up, at least a little. Maybe I'm afraid of growing up.

I wish there was a way to get to Neverland. I want to fight pirates and swim with mermaids, play with lost boys and fly with Tinkerbell. I want to stop worrying about the real world most days and get lost in my own dream world.

Tomorrow I may actually do something grown up and clean my room more. Anything to get my mind off of my anxiety.

Happy Birthday to me. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/507-birthdays-anxiety.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/313-sigh-here-goes-again.html Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:43:44 GMT So, I'm home for my Winter/Christmas Break, and I am trying to relax, but I'm still worried about aneurysms. This is driving me nuts! I'll go for about a week without worrying, and then boom! I'm back to freaking out that I'm gonna just keel over and die.

Logically, I can work through why it's NOT likely that I have one, but then I think that they can still come up and affect me.

The risk factors that can cause an aneurysm can be easily explained away, and show why I probably don't have one:
===========================
1. Older people get them. (I am 21)

2. Smoking increases risk. (I don't smoke. Period.)

3. High Blood Pressure increases risk. (My BP is normally 120-125/80)

4. Having a first-degree relative with one increases risk. (None of my family members from sister, to parents, to grandparents had an aneurysm)

5. Drug use, like cocaine increases the risk. (I have never even SEEN cocaine before...)

6. Head injury increases the risk. (Last big head injury was Freshman year; slipped in the shower and whacked the back of my head)

7. Heavy Alcohol Consumption increases risk (It's rare that I drink at all...)

8. Blood infections increase risk (My blood is as healthy as the next persons...)

9. Lower estrogen levels after menopause increase the risk (Again, I'm TWENTY-ONE!)
=======================

The only risk factor that worries me at all is Number 6. I slipped in the showers freshman year, and smacked my head on the tile. I only blacked out for half a second, and I was okay, but the next day my head and neck hurt SO badly, it was indescribable. I'm worried that this smack to the head could have caused my arteries in my brain to weaken and balloon somewhere. It doesn't help that when my sister and I used to fight, one of her favored techniques was to bash my head against the wall, or thwack me with a cordless phone...But that was when I was like...15 or 16, and we don't fight like that anymore.

I really wish I could get some help getting over this fear, but darn it, I don't have a therapist at home, and my parents never listen to me. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/313-sigh-here-goes-again.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/293-no-i-didnt-light-my-neck-fire-but-sure-feels-like.html Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:43:32 GMT So, the back of my neck is burning again. It feels weird. I posted another reply to my original "Burning sensation in the back of my head" thread, for those who want the details. I won't post them here because that would be redundant. Of course, I'm still scared of it being an aneurysm.

I have moved my desk around to accomodate better posture. The hollow of the desk where you're supposed to sit is on the right side of the desk, with the drawers on the right. I, however, decided to put my monitor on the LEFT side over the drawers, and my desktop computer (I.e. the "Tower") on the RIGHT. So my body was constantly turned towards my monitor and since I had no real way to sit straight and look at my monitor, I would slouch horribly. I just spent about fifteen minutes cleaning and rearranging my desk. So now it's clean AND posture friendly! :D

I've been under a metric CRAPton of stress recently because it is nearing the end of my Fall semester at University. I am very worried about my grades, and my papers that are due. On top of that, to have any hope of passing psychology, the extra credit has become MANDATORY in my mind. One of my old (and favorite) professors noticed my distress and walked with me from the English building to the Campus center, and put up with me crying, though I tried my darndest to hold back my tears. The stress has been building so much that I feel like dealing with my parents for ten hours to drive to my sister's from here will be a piece of cake for me, compared to all of the work that I'll have to do soon.

They're actually teaching a "Stress Management Course" for 2 credits next semester. I'm thinking of signing up for that when I meet with my advisor. It might actually help me.

Also, to help with posture, I am taking my love of Japanese culture and putting it to use. I love the look of the Geisha and Maiko from Kyoto and how they are impeccable in their appearance and their manners. Their posture is perfect in everything they do, from walking to serving sake. So I am going to print out pictures of them and use them as motivators to have good posture. Does anyone else have good ideas for motivating myself to improve my posture? ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/293-no-i-didnt-light-my-neck-fire-but-sure-feels-like.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/291-sick-being-pain.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:23:46 GMT I really don't know what's wrong with me. For the past three days (ever since Friday the 13th of all days), my head and neck have been utterly painful. I get pain in my temple area, in my jaw, in my neck and down into my shoulder/ upper arm area. I get very vague nausea but it doesn't interfere with my daily activities, AND I couldn't sleep for a while last night because my right ear was stinging inside like I had some sort of infection, even when I don't!

It started on the right side on Friday, then on Saturday all the pain seemed to shift to the left, and this Sunday it shifted back to the right again! And Sunday night after having a huge sob-fest over all of the stress I'm under and the fact that I've been in pain for two (now three) days straight now made my eyelid on the right side start twitching at random times. I don't know if that's stress or a sign of me slowly going mad.

I don't know if it's muscle tension, or my nerves firing, or an aneurysm. I'm so scared whenever I get head/neck pain and I don't know what's wrong with me.

My posture is horrendous when I'm at my own computer or sitting in class, I spend a lot of time in front of the computer on a daily basis because of my coursework (no one uses paper at my University anymore, I swear!), and add to that at least two exams, two quizzes, a research paper, and extra credit I have to deal with all this week...

I am so tired of being in pain like this all the time. And I hate the fear I have to deal with every day about aneurysms. I mean, logically I can look at it and say: "I'm overweight, but my blood pressure is usually normal, I don't smoke or do drugs, I don't drink at all, no one in my family to my knowledge has a history of a brain aneurysm, I don't have hardening arteries, the last head injury I had was slipping in the shower Freshman year, and I don't have any blood infections. But at the same time, some miniscule part of me is screaming saying "3 to 5% of the US population get them! You could be in that range!" It's terrifying.

I haven't been to see my therapist in over a week because I thought I caught H1N1 (my roommate and our friend both had it) and I didn't want to risk infecting anyone. But even then, he's a University therapist, so he can only do so much. My friend who used to give me massages is now demanding 5 bucks for payment, even though he knows I only get 12 bucks a week from my job, and this next paycheck I'm getting is going to other people!

I just want to throw in the towel and give up on everything right now. I am so tired of being in pain and being afraid all the time. And I'm sick of my fears affecting my work, and the free time I have. It's gotten so bad that some days I'll just lie in bed and try to sleep, or wonder what the meaning of life is if I could just blip out of it before I've done anything I've really wanted to do, like get married, raise a family, have a steady job...I don't know what to do anymore. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/291-sick-being-pain.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/289-fnl-all-right-enough-dissertation-comedy-cleanliness.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:16:48 GMT The best part of the whole thing was my roommate's news segment. She did really well! There was one skit that went WAY longer than it should have, but with a little editing and such, things will be better next semester.

We're creating a new YouTube Channel for our skits and films that we make. Eventually I'll know what it is so people can look for it and see at least some of our work!

Sadly though, my happy mood was wrecked, not just because of my head/neck/shoulder/arm issues, but because Colleen and I are the only ones who clean. We don't even use the common area in our apartment, and yet we're the ONLY ones who clean ANYTHING. So she and I cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, and our room, and emailed our Resident Assistant and told her that we're not dealing with it, and it's not our fault if it's not clean, because we've cleaned it for checks twice before. I guess I just wish my other roommates were more responsible and respectful of the common spaces...Anyway, I have to get up early to go to the Animal Shelter, so I should get to sleep. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/289-fnl-all-right-enough-dissertation-comedy-cleanliness.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/288-trying-focus-something-else-besides-my-health.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:19:25 GMT WildChild told me something today. "Tell us about your school, what you are studying, the comedy club news sounds fun. Let us know how it goes?"


I guess I could talk about school and such. It might help me get my mind off of my issues.

I go to a college in a tiny rural town in the Southern Tier of New York State. I swear, the population goes from 5,000 to 50 when both colleges in the Valley are out for the summer! I go to Alfred University, a pretty prominent art college. It's not to be confused with Alfred State (or Tech to older Alumni); if you ask a "Uni" if they go to state, a lot of them get offended that you've insinuated they're a "Stater."

I was going to the school for Fine Arts, but the program was so demanding, that I couldn't handle it. So instead, I've become a Communications major, and I want to somehow get into Journalism if I go to grad school. I was looking at Brigham Young University for grad school, but it's far from my home and I don't think I could go that far away for very long. I might end up going to the much closer and possibly cheaper SUNY Brockport when I graduate.

I'm involved in a couple clubs: Medieval Club and FNL (Friday Night Live). Medieval Club is a small branch-off of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), and basically you suit up in handmade armor and hit people with rattan swords and defend with shields made of old stop signs. I've stopped fighting because I don't like getting hit in the head (which is a legal strike area, and hard for me to defend as a beginner), so I watch and occasionally drum to add some sort of music to the sessions. FNL is a comedy troupe that most of my friends are in. We write our own skits, make our own props, and host comedy shows that are about an hour long. My friend and roommate Colleen is in charge of doing the "News" segment this show, and probably in future shows. I can't wait to see how it turns out! I couldn't participate because of all the work I've got to finish this week and next!

But that's a little about me. If you want to know more, ask and I can post another blog. ]]> CrystalChord http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/crystalchord/288-trying-focus-something-else-besides-my-health.html