http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/ en Thu, 16 Feb 2012 03:00:47 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.womens-health.com/boards/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/ http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/205-i-hate-arguing-myself-lol.html Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:35:23 GMT ok this is so insane... my bf's best friend lives with us ..... with us 24 /7 unemployed has been for 6 months. My bf gets me all pumped up to go somewhere this weekend .... and then 10 mins ago just say yeah its ok if buddy comes eh....... and i'm like oh yeah for sure.

The problem is the friend was in the room he did it so I wouldn't voice how I really feel......... make me look like the nasty b*tch the one who always says no.............. whatever get a back bone ya fool. Ya ever wanna get away from someone' heavy energy........... well that is how I feel.

a part of me doesn't even want to go but why spite myself i was looking forward to this all week. don't wanna stick indoors all tomorrow......... I thought it was "us" and we never go anywhere for fun alone............. yeah to run errands and work and yes but not to relax.

I work from home so getting away is suppose to be fun for me.

I know sound like a spoiled brat and I can be i know no one has to tell me this I already know. That is why I have to have this conversation with me self lol :)

see is I don't even care he could go with his friend big frigin deal...... omg early this week I told him to go to a concert without me.... he said no. I feel sofocated by his emotions, his friends emotions all the time ........... I need a friggin break maybe I need my own vacation.....

I like his friend just fine its about getting a break from the routine I see this guy every friggin day........... He starts job soon so it s all good. ]]> Joy http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/205-i-hate-arguing-myself-lol.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/188-week-1-12-px-90-workout.html Wed, 15 Jul 2009 03:21:55 GMT This was part of my fitness post but this is a 12 week workout and I am plan on updating my feeling about his regularly... I"ll keep ya posted :)


OK I"ve been at it again for 2 days and I feel AMAZING! I know if you read my other posts to ppl on emotional issues i'm always advising for ppl to eat less sugar and do something physical.

So if i'm gonna talk the talk I have to walk the walk! I have been feeling so bogged down and getting to a point of exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Why you ask? because I was not working my body I was only working my mind!!!!! Mental Exhaustion and not making very good choices.

After 2 days I feel more focused and happy all the time! Those feel good brain chemicals and being released. Working out is giving me a chance to listen completly to my body and shutting up my MIND! I don't have time to listen to the chatter of why, why, why or why I have not made enough progress with my business. What are the solutions.

These solutions come from within but I gotta dig down deep and get them!


I hope my BF starts working out. He would feel so much better. I believe it would help our relationship. The hour I take for myself shuts down all my concerns for everything else. At the moment the workout is intense and I have to concentrate on my own body and my own needs. Its really a gift I give to myself everyday.

I am sooo sore.... the muscle pain is to the BONE! Its the best PAIN i've felt in a long time. my muscle pain will heal its self just as this will help heal emotional pain and get my life moving in the right direction again.

I've tapped back into myself I feel clarity even if everything around me is so uncertain.

I love this feeling ]]> Joy http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/188-week-1-12-px-90-workout.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/187-crazy-few-days.html Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:55:07 GMT My life is falling part some days and other days its amazing.

Recently i've been struggling with failure... Am I failing in my current relationship? Why is our communication so hard. Why can't we talk? Why when I express myself does he always go on the defensive? Why won't he just listen and let what i'm saying sink in and just sit with what i'm saying instead of making it into a battle? Why does he see me as then enemy when all i've ever tried to do is help him and love him. Is he not ready to be loved?
I hope all i've ever done has benefited him in someway.

He has already broken my heart.... i've told him this he blows it off... is it the anti depresants that make him so flat lined that he can't see the pain he causes others or is he just that duh?? He was in a serious accident and has a brain injury... is it his brain injury or is he just that crass... He says things to the people he expects to be there for him that would cut a person in two... then acts all disappointed when people don't come thru for him . Does his brain injury make him unaccountable for his behavior?

Is he just a psycopath? some of his behavior leads me to believe he could very well be.

I'm strong enough that this is him and its not me... I now understand why people fall out of love.... I never understood that before... dumping your negative emotions on your lover each day does this....... you become detatched from your emotions so you don't have to feel anything when they open up their mouth to dish out some more hurt and pain. When they speak before they think.

He always wants to make me accountable ALWAYS and if I tell him that isn't my stuff he is "oh yes cause nothing is ever your fault" that is his favorite line to me. I know myself I know what's mine.... he doens't seem to realize what is his BS .

I'm tired of living this BS I"m tired that this BS affects my life every day...... he asked me last night do i hate him. I told him with all honest I didn't hate him..... That I believe he actually hates me.

He does too he is sooo jealous and moody. The sad part is the girl that was after him hard core when I still had a BF and wasn't interested drove him to me. She thought by all her lies and bs and negative comments about me she would have him eating out of her hand.... She drove him to me...... I believe it was his hatred for me that made him want to love me. " he hates women witht he Princess sysndrom" He makes fun of them on the street.
He hates these women cause they think something of themsevles he sees it as a threat.... he wants to knock them down a peg or two.. he wants them to hate themselves as much as he hates them.

I've never been with anyone that hates me so much.

I'd like to believe this is untapped passion he has for me and he expresses it negativly to try and control his feelings and not get lost in love and get blind sided and hurt.

He is afraid he will lose his heart in this...... he is never emotional he never tells me heart to heart things... he keeps it locked up tight.

He is the one missing out on great love of life and to be loved back. I guess I'm missing out by being with him. I've learned even more so to love myself and its made me better and stronger...

Maybe that s why he hates the princess girls... he thinks its fake and phoney love of self that deep down they really don't so he wants to see what he can uncover.... I do love myself and I stand behind everything i'll back it up any given day of the week.

WE've had a werid two weeks with his meds being off..... really werid. ]]> Joy http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/187-crazy-few-days.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/182-how-fitting.html Sat, 11 Jul 2009 17:22:46 GMT I just wrote out how I felt and all the bs that is going on in my life..... i posted then went on to write something else...... none of it... I just wrote out how I felt and all the bs that is going on in my life..... i posted then went on to write something else...... none of it shows up the page timed out and none of it took.

That is funny cause that is how I feel right now invisable....... that what I have to say deson't count ... my emotions and feelings don't count... how fitting

Maybe its good cause what I had to say was very negative and maybe I should look within for some more answers

peace out ]]> Joy http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/182-how-fitting.html http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/181-peace-out.html Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:53:41 GMT This life can be a real pain some days with so many choices we must make for ourselves and at the same time keeping the people we love the most happy... This life can be a real pain some days with so many choices we must make for ourselves and at the same time keeping the people we love the most happy with our power of choice.

There can be a lot of misunderstandings and heartache for some and all of life's lessons can seem to come around the hard way. What i try to remind myself is we are all fighting an inner battle on some level and all we can offer is compassion for one another.

We can get over anything we put or mind to. We have already suffered the pain its who we are after the pain that counts. In order to survive we mentally we must "let it go" because it does no good to hold on to it.

Peace out ~ ]]> Joy http://www.womens-health.com/boards/blogs/joy/181-peace-out.html