Vacillating

This will be one of those blogs where all I do is talk about Nathan...Nathan, nathan, nAtHaN...NATHAN!!! lol

I am irrevocably in love with this man!!

When I think about him, I feel complete bliss. I know this can't just be lust, or infatuation, or obsession. I know he consumes my whole heart right now, but that's okay because at the same time, I know I consume his. I know there can be a lot of grey areas when it comes to distinguishing between the hard to read feelings of what you think can be love or lust or infatuation, but when it comes to him. I just know. He mildly possesses my thoughts, but I feel like I care about him SOOO much, just the word "care" does not measure up to what I really feel for him. I care SO MUCH about him, I want FOR him, I have to have him be okay!! I don't see him as perfect, because I have to look at him from behind a thick piece of glass everytime I see him. If he had no faults he would not be sitting in jail. He has no money right now, no car. He has nothing to his name. I love him because of him. And it's been that way since the day we met when we were seventeen. We just split there for awhile and those feelings never went away, they became dormant. He always popped into my thoughts from time to time, and when he did, I never thought about him in a negative light. I always hoped for the best.

I miss him so much. I am going to see him today, and I am going to let him know how I feel. I never put my heart out there for anybody, but with him, I can't help it. That's where my heart wants to be.