sweetpea85

I thought I knew a lot of women that are pregnant...now I really do. Or at least the numbers keep increasing!

I keep struggling with baby fever. I go back and forth...mostly wanting a baby rather than not. Right now I'm kindof in between. But I'm still struggling with being jealous of women I know that are pregnant. I hate that. I HATE being jealous.

Things are looking up for us trying to conceive soon, though. By "soon" I mean within spring - fall. It's one of those talks I'm waiting to have with my husband. First I thought we agreed on late summer/early fall...but then a few weeks ago he said spring. We want me to have the baby right before school gets out so I can work the majority of the school year and then have summer vacation to "add" on to my maternity leave.

I was really worried for a while there. Things are scary at work. Or were. I work at an elementary school and they told us they're going to be laying people off next year. I've been worrying every single day about whether or not I'll get laid off. But we just got 3 new students who need 1-on-1 aids. So the principal was talking to the teacher I work with...basically trying to figure out how they're going to get these kids aids with the hiring freeze going on. She came into the room and explained the situation to us and said "So no one here is going to lose their job." We've all been worried for another para in our room who was a 1-on-1 para for one of our students who just passed away. So I'm glad she won't lose her job...and I'm glad I won't. I'm glad none of us will.

So with that in mind, combined with the fact that my husband has actually had work this winter (and summer is supposed to be double what he usually makes), it's looking good financially.

I am worried my husband is getting "cold feet" again. Our nephew, cute as he is, is a handful. But mom & dad (who are both very young & separated) don't discipline him. Really. So, obviously, he gets his way all the time. So when we babysit and I ask him to do something, he refuses. And throws fits a lot. We've been watching him a lot lately. My husband said "We've been seeing so much of him lately, it makes me want kids less." Which sounds really harsh, but you have to understand my husband is kinda scared about having kids. I've heard him say once that he actually "kindof" had baby fever after seeing my cousin's baby.

So, we had a talk about how he can't let that influence him. #1 - we'll discipline differently than his sister in that we WILL discipline our kids & teach them manners. And #2 - we were both really well behaved babies, so hopefully odds are at least our first born will be, too. And I've told him several times now that I really can't wait much longer to have a baby. If we can manage financially, then it's gotta happen.

I gotta get him to spend more time with my cousin's baby. Or just babies in general. Oh that sounds like manipulation haha. How do you get your husband to want a baby as much as you do without manipulating him? Probably not even possible.