Hello,
I am somewhat new here and getting some good advice here on a few things. Recently my mother died and I have had little support from my male friends. (I am not dating now and single) A ladyfriend I have known for years has been helping me through some of the rough spots. Over the years I have noticed how attention/support to health issues or a problem in society is lacking when it comes to men's involvement in it or if it "is his problem" so to speak. This relates to why I came here today. One of my fishing buddies talked to me about a discussion he had with his doctor about prostate health. (cancer??) I went to the mens health site and it did not have a very responsive message board so I came here. There are probably more informative sites but I am still wondering about lack of exposure. In my family, we have not seen more than some prostate enlargement in some male family members. Thank God for no cancer (yet). Diabetes and breast cancer has taken some members and I am involved with fundraising efforts. (Rides, walks etc.) Overall though, my family is quite healthy. I did some research and found some scary numbers. About 200,000 cases of prostate cancer diagnosed in a year and 180,000 for breast cancer. I did not know it was that prevalent. At the store there are all these pink packaged products to show support for breast cancer. It shows up in the media and lots of places. I like corporate and community support for it but why not prostate cancer. I lost an old friend to it, maybe a fishing buddy and maybe someday myself. If I should marry, I hope my wife would be supportive. Some numbers show divorce rates go way up with couple dealing with prostate cancer. I can see many scenarios where I would commit suicide. The effects are so terrible I hardly can think about it. Why does it seem like there is not much attention to prostate cancer? Are men not organizing or is it something else?. The more I look at the world I see other situations where men have been cast aside. Why is that?
I am not religious but for those on this board I pray every day for all of your well being. Losing my grandmother to breast cancer forever changed my family. I fear the day when prostate cancer strikes one of us. If it has any of your families, I hope you all got through it ok. Thank you so much for any help you can give me.

Hi Drewstraws

I have come from the "pegging" thread to answer your question you posed about the prostate cancer situation in the UK. The comparison with breast cancer over here gives a slightly different picture - breast cancer cases run at about 44,000 per year with 12,000 deaths while prostate cancer cases run at 35,000 cases a year and 10,000 deaths. This makes prostate cancer the second most common cause of cancer death in men after lung cancer and, on the face of it should command similar awareness and resources as breast cancer. (For reference the UK has a population of about 60 million and deaths from all causes and all ages run at about 600,000/year)

It has to be said that awareness of prostate cancer is gaining momentum over here in the UK but when you realise that it kills about 3 times as many as are killed in road accidents (on which there is a tremendous push for improvement) it is far from gaining the prominence it deserves. Unfortunately, the PSA test is not really good enough as a screening method - 67% of men with raised PSA don't have prostate cancer and 20% of men with prostate cancer have normal PSA levels. The biopsy test is pretty unpleasant (according to a friend who has had it) with a high incidence of prostate infection following the biopsy. It seams to me that pressure needs to be applied to get an effective screening test perfected.

I agree with you both about prostate cancer, and there is another cancer that is rarely talked about, 99% curable, and sometimes not so easily detected: Testicular cancer.

Someone I love dearly almost lost his life to it this year.

He had a persistent backache that progressed to dibiliatating pain; he refused for months to see a doctor. He even had two telltale bouts of night sweats and didn't realize they were indicators. His testicles did NOT swell, harden, or hurt.

He was diagnosed with Stage IIIC testicular cancer; end stage. The back pain is caused by the cancer traveling up the lymph nodes that start in the testicle and branch up and out into either side of the back. After four month-long chemo regimens, the offending testicle removed, and another very intensive and invasive surgery that even resulted in some organ removal, he is, right now, miraculously and thanks to the amazing doctors who treated him, in remission.

I wish that every man knew to check his testicles the way women are taught to check their breasts. Testicular cancer is usually a "young man's" disease - meaning the age range for it is 15-35. Being active in sports, a young man with a swollen, hot, tender or hard testicle may simply wave it off as a sports injury (like Lance Armstrong did), but it VERY important to have a urologist look at it and perhaps get a sonogram. Treated in early stages, the cure rate for this cancer is 100%.

A good friend I made, 20 years old, died after a horrible, terrible year fighting for his life. He never lost his sense of humor, his spirit, and his belief in his cure.

I certainly didn't mean to steal your thunder about the prostate cancer, because it is much more prevalent, but this is a big issue for my family, and I thought it was important to share.

Thanks for a reply. Testicular cancer is terrible. Destroys lives much younger than prostate cancer. The cure.. living longer but at what cost?. Any thoughts on the lack of exposure regarding prostate cancer/male cancers? It still has not been addressed. Also on reading about the prostate I have learned about its multifunctions and the great loss a man feels and has when surgery or removal is done. Mentally and physically. Yes, guys are real attached to their stuff so to speak but with all that has been devalued for menkind, Some feel they don't have much left to offer. I am not angry at you for stealing the thunder or whatever. At this time in my life I am trying real hard as a man to figure out where I belong and/if society values us much, or any more.
I have too many questions and not any answers.
Sorry for your loss.
Back again. (editing) I saw your thread about husband with cancer. I am so sorry for the internal struggle you are having. Some posters there were very insensitive. I don't know what happened with you on that but IMO, if you had sex with another (hope not) I hope either your husband was ok with it or by some chance if you went into it alone it helped you find the energy to stay with him. If he was against it, it could cause him to give up entirely. Sometimes when I see a thread or post I wonder who is behind it and what their situation is. I hope everything turns out good for you. I am not an expert or even married. I can only say what I feel. Soon I should be posting some real serious stuff about my inner pain. An incredible sense of sadness although my situation is quite different than yours. I hope you and others are willing to help me. I am a man and on this site I know I already have a strike against me. Peace and Love.

Hey Drew -

Yeah, sometimes I think about reopening that post, but I don't know. Things didn't improve much in the sexual arena, so to speak. We had one session, and it was good, but it was the only one. He just does not have interest and I have no interest in pursuing it - again, as usual, being the aggressor. I'm tired of it. This year has drained me mentally and emotionally and my support system (him) is drained as well, so its hard for us to lean on each other. He sees himself as a science experiment, which of course to me he is not. But I understand his issue.

I still think about cheating. Not concretely, just in the abstract, like, it would be so nice to have one hot and heavy makeout session with a cute smart funny guy just to boost my self esteem. But then again, its called SELF esteem... I shouldn't need someone else to boost it. But I crave the physicality sometimes, and my hubby isn't delivering, and he brushes it off when I bring it up ("you're being ridiculous" or "I don't see that at all" being his favorite replies)

The other thing that bothers me is that he seems perfectly fine with no physical affection at all, and then at times he just wants to jump back into sex. I'm like, HELLO??? My entire body has been neglected for a year and you're just interested in specific pieces right now? It doesn't make me feel close to him at all.

I can't talk about it too much because it is literally killing me. I look like I've aged five years in ten months. Which makes it worse; at least before I didn't think I looked my age and would get hit on here and there when I was out of the house. Now I just feel invisible.

Sorry to unload - you have your own things you want to discuss!!!

You are really hurting. I have the sense that you feel you have nowhere to turn. Weird, I don't know where I am going. For you and I, we come here and let things out not just check things out. If that makes sense. For me I have felt so alone. Even in some relationships. And totally alone now which is how you feel in your marriage. You have lost much of yourself taking care of your husband and that void needs to be filled by him. You are a team. Everyone around me (society) is my team and frankly, most of it depresses me.
If I can be bold here. It sounds like he is not showing physical attraction to you. If he is real weak, can he do other sexual things to you to show you he cares?. I am a man and know some day my time will come when I may spend way more time doing oral because I may not go as long. Before all the drugs I think couples had to be more creative. Doing lots of reading lately and realising more and more just how much some partners give every last bit of body and soul to their partners. Not just in the bedroom. I think you have. It came to me so powerfully recently that I want to just open my soul to a woman. I believe that is the only way to unlock the chains of being a man. Just a few thoughts. Sorry for the other guys nasty posts. You have your needs but they are directly connected to your heart. That is something people should not be reckless with. I ask myself all the time; "Why am I here?" (Not just this website but in the world) One answer that keeps coming to me more and more is: Because I am dying from a empty and broken heart. Trying to fix mine, I hope I could help heal yours even for just a moment. I hope this small note shows that I hope your heart gets filled with love and joy so you can be whole again. Take care Ladylane.