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Silver Contributor 100+ Posts
hmm
Hi
On this issue i am a bit torn,
I Belive that girls cannot Generally have guy friends, as soon as you 2 break up those guys are going to try and "pick her up" i don't care what anyone sez it happens all the time.
but while you 2 are together they should be no threat, you trust her enough yeah?
-Daniel
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May 2008 "Poster of the Month"
Of course men can't be friends with women unless they already have a woman they value more highly. Try telling women that though, you just have to let them live in their naive world and hope that she isn't a cheat.
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WH Head Moderator
From your brief statement it's hard to say if you are "controlling". There is always an element of sexual attraction in friendships, even with the same gender. It's just how humans are wired to and for attraction. That doesn't mean it is always recognized or acted on or that there is a desire to act on it. I have some male friends and there are moments I recognize that if we chose to have a sexual relationship might be good but I'm so glad they are in committed relationships because they would drive me nuts as anything but a friend.
It all comes down to committment and trust. The light of my life is a very sexual man, he's not melt on the spot good looking but he is intensly sexual and understands women really well. We have an intentionally monogamous relationship and because we communicate and respect each other, I have no concerns over him cheating. He has integrity. I've been in relationships where that wasn't the case and have know quite a few people - male and female - who've dealt with affairs, on one side or the other. Generally speaking, evasiveness and lack of openess spell trouble. However an insecure mate who quizzes constantly, tries to check up on where and when, hovers, acts suspicious and is overly jealous can push an otherwise rational and trustworthy person away.
You've been through an experience that those of us who haven't been there can't possibly understand. I think of going to war as being like a rape victim, no matter how empathetic, it isn't possible to understand if you haven't experienced it, and you wouldn't wish it on anyone. You have developed strengths others may not have but you also have special vulnerabilties, if this woman isn't able to understand that and be sensitive to it you may need to move on. She has had her own difficulties while you were gone and has created a life around your absence rather than your presence, so she may be having some trouble adjusting to that. Communication is really important and communicating appropriately. Some relationship counseling might be a good idea, even if this relationship falls apart, you will be gaining skills that will serve you throughout your life and in having a good relationship in the future. Know that this relationship may not be "the relationship" but there is always something positve to be learned and built upon, you have to look for it and be greatful to her for that increased knowledge and understanding.
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Junior Member
Hey there, hope whi will help you out a bit. I am in my early 20s and I am a lil of a tom boy. I never really had any chick friends. All my friends a mostly guys. My ex had a lot of issues with that even though when we first started dating, he was okay with it. I personaly think it should be okay for her to hang out with guys depending of the activities she is doing with them. Just watch for signs. The activities that I am doing with my guy friends are purely friendly and are activities that cannot lead to confusion. When I had a boy friend, I would go and play hockey with them, go 4 wheeling on the week end or dirt biking, I'd go skateboarding with them and such, I never found myself watching a late night movie in the dark though...
Also, it depends of how long she knows these friends for. Does she know them for a long time or are they all new dude friends?
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VIP Member
New To This
I dont know if this will help. I got onto this site for different reasons questions about my own mess of a life but this question is of interest to me. I hope I do not say anything that falls outside the guidelines.
First guys are easier for girls to hang out with in my opinion because they are so matter of fact. Girls can be difficult where as guys are just fun. Dont get me wrong we all need chick time but here is the truth. It's like the others have said, if your girl invites you out or lets you meet them then its probably all good. If not you might have some problems. The bottom line is people are either gonna cheat or they are not and there is nothing any of us can do to stop it.
Good luck to you and see if you can meet these guys. Go with what your gut tells you when you do. If they all tell you about how much she talks about you and how crazy she is about you and how she misses you so much when your gone then you might be alright.
All my friends are mostly guys and I do not cheat on my boyfirend and never would.
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VIP Member
Of COURSE you're not being insecure or controlling. You've been in Iraq for 15 months, you're an effin hero mate. And all you're hearing about is your gf back home runnin about with other guys? Of course that's out of order!
While you're away risking your life for your nation, making money so you can make a life for her, she's runnin about with dudes and refusing to tell you how she spends her days (or your money)? Come on!
Tbh, there's no point in even asking, nevermind telling, her to stop hangin with these blokes or anything of the sort. She's a lost cause. Her actions obviously caused you a great amount of distress while your were away and she was fine with that. She was fine with her actions distracting and disturbing you in a situation where you could easily end up dead.
I mean, putting aside whether or not she could be trusted with these guys aside, this alone shows she disregards your feelings and wellbeing entirely or is incredibly dim and self-absorbed. Probably both. But coming back to that, what are male friends to women? They are reserves.
They are reserves for when you've had a falling-out or if you ever end things or if you're away in another continent for 15 months.
This question was posted in September 2008. I bet it didn't last two weeks after he came back.
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