Need an opinion please...what does he want?
Hey guys,
I need your opinion on the following situation. I am trying to understand the behavior of someone for who I am developing some strong feelings. We have known each other for about 7 months now; we were working together until very recently. He has recently found a new job. I am trying to understand the kind of interest that he may have for me.
Here are some elements that I observe from his behavior.
1-While we were working together, he used to stop by my office everyday before leaving work. This ain’t really a sign as he had to pass by my desk to get out of the building, but he would usually stay at my desk for about 10 minutes everyday, sometimes longer. He would usually look at me with a big smile and his eyes were always engage in his smile.
2-His pupils are always dilated when he his looking at me.
3-His body his usually leaning towards me when we are together.
4-He usually always looks at me directly in the eyes.
5-His eyes are usually wide open and there are always glowing when he is with me.
6-He always gives me a “high five” when he leaves. His “high fives” are usually fairly long. They usually end by our hands sliding into one another very gently and softly and it will usually end when only the tips of our fingers are touching. We definitely have time to feel each other’s skin. He usually looks at me in the eyes when he gives me a “high five”.
7-This one time, I went to grab his new sunglasses that were on top of his head and when my hand touched his head, he slowly closed his eyes and smiled. He kept his eyes closed until my hand wasn’t touching him anymore.
8-When we are walking together, it seems like he always tries to find a way of touching me. He will push me a little, we will wrestle a little bit and sometimes he will put his arm around my neck or my shoulder while still walking.
9-Since he switched job about 2 weeks ago, we have not seen each other. We live in two different town and I do not have a car. Although, we are talking almost everyday on MSN and he is texting my cell phone almost everyday.
The reason why I am asking for an opinion of what it could be is because his behavior sometime shows the opposite. We slept together one night, that happened about 3 months ago now, but nothing went further after that night. Although, the signs mentioned above are still present and even more apparent. He tells me all the time to text him if I want to hang out after work, but when I do so nothing happens. He always answers back but we never end up hanging out. Forgot to mention, we are both 23 years old and he lives for skateboarding...if that can help
Please give an opinion…if you guys needs more details…I have tones available, just ask. Lol
Thanks,
Jane
so you have observed all these positive signs so why haven't you capitalized on any of them? Was the sex good? Was it akward at the office the next time you saw each other? Have you invited him over for a nice meal and a movie? Why havn't you made plans to do something interesting on the weekend? Are you waiting for him to make the next move?
To answer you questions, I was always returning him the same signs of interest. The sex was amazing and we both agreed on it. I did not stayed overnight at his place and the next day wasn’t weird at all. It took a while before we talked about it again, but once we did we realized that we both thought it was good and that it should be repeated.Originally Posted by Joy
He usually ask me to text him if I want to hang out, but when I do text him “Hey what are you doing” or “hey still want to do something” he replies things like “I am not home right now, I will text you as soon as I get home” then we will exchange a few more texts back and forth but we never end up doing something.
He is usually the one texting me or starting a conversation on MSN. He is usually the one stopping at my desk, he is usually the one that starts flirting with me, but when it comes time to actually do something, it never happens. I work with some of his close friends who knows what is going on, and they don’t even get why nothing has happened yet. They keep telling me that he is always saying good things about me, of course they could just say that and it may not be the truth, they tell me that I should call him, but I am so shy about it. Before I met him , I was in a 4 years relationship and it was my first boyfriend, so I know it sounds but I don’t know how to flirt and I don’t know how to make moves, I don’t know what are the signs that you should make the move and what are the signs that you shouldn’t.
This topic should have been named “please help an idiot!!!”
Don't call yourself names, lol.....
You have then given him signs, you have agreed that it should happen again, he is the one pulling the cards.
When you try to arrange to meet up, there are reasons why you can't and it doesn't happen and they are his reasons.
Joy I think was just trying to find out if you had made "moves" yourself because she possibly thought that he was waiting for your moves, or else she could make a different assumption, perhaps the one I am making, as a result of your answers, that he does want to "sleep with you" again, he enjoys flirting, but that's where it sits.
He may just think your a great lady but he has no emotions there, regarding a relationship.
Why don't you "act" like a friend a bit, and casually throw in that you went out on a date last "night", see his reaction?
Just a thought.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Yeah CW is right don't call yourself names! I just wanted to know if he was waiting for you to make a big move. Guys like reassurance so they know they aren't gonna be shot down.
You don't have to make moves just be yourself that is what attracted him in the first place. Are you both interested in bands or music? Maybe there is a good band playing at a pub or a concert you guys can go to.
The positive is you guys talk all the time so take the opprotunity to get to know him and share with him.
What he wants...
Well, it's common to say that women are about feelings and men are about sex. I am a boy and I don't think that sex is all that matters. I had a bunch of girlfriends til my present one. I used to change them every few weeks. The result was that I stopped believeing in love( and I am very romantic by nature). But more than 8 months now i started dating a girl - cute one, nice, really good looking and the best of all - friendly and understanding. She is all you can search for. Since then I know that what a man really needs is not just a hot dime to nail - naah! It's a girlFriend. I mean what your man probably needs is to pay a lot of attention on his interests and needs. Of course, his interests will include sex and stuff (not just skating). Btw that thing with the skating in common is great! Am... I also send a lot of text messages to my girlfriend and we chat a lot in Skype but I feel much closer to her when we talk. Why don't you try to call him? Be more self-confident and make a bigger step. Men like being flattered, too. And all those funny and "sweet" things he does - the lil wrestling and biting - great! Do sth like this urself
And there's this cool song u can send him
Lupe Fiasco - Kick Push
good Luck!
It make sense...
Do you guys think that this may be the issue...I act too much as a friend, not enough as "I am interested into him". I am a very independent women and I hate pushy people, so my biggest fear is to be too pushy and make him run away. So most of the time, I try to act more like a friend then a prospect...
We both enjoy skateboarding and hockey a lot and when I ask him to hang out, I usually invite him to go and watch a hockey game or ask him to come and skateboard with me. Aside from that, it is true that when I ask him to hang out, I usually try to get my message across as being a friendly invite, because I am affraid he'll run away if I am too cutie romantic...basically...how the heck do I ask him for a date without asking him directly for a date?
Do you guys think that it is possible that he thinks I just want to be friend...? does that make sense.
I mean from I heard from a friend of his (who is really trying to get us together and calls us idiots for not being together already), he always says nice thing about me and always says how awsome it is that I skate and love hockey just as much as he does...
Well, next time go to the hockey game or skateboard game, and when it's over, ask him , "do you want to go get a soda with me", (underline with me) , then if he says yes, then that's a date, so treat it as a date.
Or whilst at the game when a win comes through, jump up and down like you do, and out of the blue kiss him on the cheek, ( he will think it was just a wimp) excitment, except, then whilst he gets his barings, just look him in the eyes and smile, sit back down, and go back to the game.
Eyes are the windows to a person's soul, he'll get it.
Um another one?
Na, either of those should do it.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
thanks
thanks a lot guys for your quick response. APPRECIATED!!!
KRC...that song is just amazing, I really love it, totally my style of music too...it feels like you know me so well lol. Thanks bud, you are the man. Though I am at work and couldn't wait to listen to it, I downloaded it on my computer and been listening to it all day...which is awsome...but now I just want to go skate but I still have 3 hours left to my shift...lol
I am not sure what he wants or thinks...but let's eliminate some possibilities here...
-You guys knew each other for a few months before you guys had sex and he kept talking to you after you guys had sex...so I don't think that he just wanted sex. If that is all he wanted from you, he would have stoped talking to you after it happenned. Assuming he kept talking to you after just to be polite because you two were working together, then once he left that job, he would have stop talking to you or rarely talk to you.
-Maybe he just wants a friend with benefit, but then again these things are usually being "discussed" in some ways. Especially from a 23 years old guys, he would make sure that you are aware that it's just "friends with benefit". Now assuming that he didn't say anything, but that all he wants is a sex buddy, I don' t think he would flirt with you that much because the last thing he would want is you to think that there is more. I mean after all, you two already slept together and you already made it clear that you wouldn't mind for it to happen again, why would he need to put on a "fake flirt" to get you in his bed...
-You are saying that he is texting you alot on your phone, that is good, that means he thinks about you. MSN is a bit different though, he is on a computer, he may be doing stuff and wants to chat at the same time or he might be bored and you may be the only person online at that time, but texting on cell phone ...that means he was up to his own thing and randomly thought about you and decide to text you...if the text are random things like "what are you up to?", that is awsome, he is texting you for no reason...hope you are still following here...cuz I can't lol
-His pupils are dilated when he looks at you...he likes looking at you
-His friends knows about you two...he talks to his friends about you, that can't be a bad sign either...unless the only thing they know is what happenned in the bedroom...thats bad lol.
Now few questions...you know him for few months now, what do you know about his personal life other that he lives for skating ( which is awsome, skaters are so hot
-Do you know anything about his pass relationship?
-How long his last girlfriend?
-does he seem to be an independant person or more emotional person?
-is he a shy person?
-DOES HE EVER BLUSH IN FRONT OF YOU?
Just things like that are useful in this context, ei: if he is shy, when he text your phone "what are you up to?" this may also be a shy way of saying "if you are not doing anything, wanna hang out?"
Hope that helped a bit
By the way, english is not my first language, my apologies for spelling and grammar mistake.
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 10-07-2008 at 06:24 PM. Reason: merge posts
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