Boy do I need some advice.

I posted a thread on here not too long ago. It is “Is this going somewhere or not.” It is about myself and this guy that I have had in my life and I was wondering what exactly others thought could be happening.

Well, I have to say that the past 3 weeks have been the best we have had. We have connected in so many ways and it feels so much better than in the past. The long distance part isn’t so much fun, but I almost think that I feel a little better knowing he is away. The conversations seem more real and we learn so much more about each other by having the only type of communication being the phone or the internet.

But yesterday, I had a different feeling come over me. He called me twice yesterday and after the first conversation I found myself feeling down. He didn’t say or do anything wrong, but something didn’t feel right. Then when he called me later, I found myself almost attempting to pick a fight with him. Again for really no reason at all.

It didn’t turn into an argument because he changed the subject and then decided it was time to get off the phone. So he told me to get some sleep and he would talk to me tomorrow.

When we got off the phone, I was feeling down. Why was I picking a fight? Why was I feeling this way? I found myself thinking that I am not content with the way things are going. Why wouldn’t I be content? He is doing everything I thought I wanted. The communication is good. It could be better but it is a HUGE improvement! He is grateful for things that I can help him with and reminds me all the time.

Last night as we were ending our conversation, he thanked me again for always being there for him and I responded with “Whatever”. What the heck? That was so uncalled for. But it is this feeling inside of me that makes me think that this can’t work. Or that I don’t want it to work. I couldn’t believe the way my mind was working and that the thought crossed my mind that he shouldn’t even bother calling me tomorrow because I really don’t feel like talking to him and to save a possible fight on my part it would probably be best not to answer.

I feel like maybe he can’t give me everything I want and that is ok. There are people in your life that can’t and there are people that can. I don’t want him to completely change who he is just to please me. He has already made enough adjustments to accommodate what I want. So what about him and what he wants? Maybe I can’t be the person that he needs either.

I just feel so sad to think that after all this time and struggle I now decide it isn’t worth the effort. I don’t want to lose contact with him. I will always want him to be a part of my life. But maybe I really don’t want him to be that part of my life.

So why would I feel this way after all this time and effort??

Are you sabotaging a good thing because you are afraid to give in to the risk that it may not work? Do you feel you don't deserve a good thing?

Well, I feel like in a way I made an attempt to sabatoge things last night. And I feel like I do deserve a good thing, but in a way it still doesn't feel like this is a good thing. Or maybe the right thing. I still don't feel like it has the potential to work out. Or maybe that he might not want it to work as much as I do or think I do.

He tells me where he is going, what he is doing and explains in detail who he is with and I get the feeling that he goes into such detail so I don't get upset and think he is with someone else. And to be perfectly honest, I don't ever worry that he would be with someone else. That is the least of my worries.

It's weird because our converstions are sometimes so sweet. Like we have been together for years. But at the same time they feel so distant.

It just stinks because it hurts when it isn't good and it still hurts when it is good. Sometimes I think that maybe he doesn't care the same way I do, but then would he call me everyday if he didn't? Do guys really take the time to communicate with girls that they aren't interested in or don't want to be with?

Are you afraid you're falling for someone more than they are for you, therefore you're resisting rather than just giving in and seeing where it goes?

I think you are over anaylizing, complicating and confussing your mind with the what ifs. Listen to your heart not your logical mind. If he has made changes for you, calls you long distance most days and makes everything non threatening to you then yeah he is interested.

If you need to do a lil soul searching for yourself to be the woman he wants then don't be afraid just go with the flow.

What are these red flags that are popping up that are freaking you out? Your post was very non descript is it you don't know what you want??

Vent get it out talk to us

Sourpuss,

I think I am more afraid that I am going to put my whole heart in it and it isn't going to go anywhere. Before, when it wasn't this good I felt that we had a chance and that there was potential. But now that it is getting better, I feel that the chance is gone and it won't work out. How can this work? He is there and I am here. And all it takes it one small comment from him that could mean nothing to him but everything to me to make me realize this.

But after over two years of this there has to be something there right? I mean how many guys do this for that long and still make attempts?

Joy,

My heart has said go for it for two years. I have always felt a connection with him. And he can be so sweet and sensitive sometimes and that makes me feel it even more. But then the slightest thing can make my mind speak louder than my heart.

I know he wants all our conversations to go smooth with no conflicts. So I hold back sometimes. It isn't worth it to argue and I feel the same way he does. We are too far away from each other to spend the time we do have in a non productive way.

I just wonder how he felt last night after we ended our call? I felt horrible. But did he? Did he think about it even 10 seconds after we got off the phone? Did he think about it when he got up this morning? I know he is aware that I am upset. But we don't ever talk about that kinda stuff. It just seems to make it harder and puts the fact that we are apart right there in our face.

And not to mention that I was so out of line and he did NOTHING wrong. He was playing around with me and made a comment. Instead of taking it the way it was meant to be, I took it at face value. And I know that. I knew exactly what he was doing when he said it. And I knew exactly what I was doing when I responded.

So he sent me a text earlier today asking me a question. I think it was a feel the mood question. Kinda like is she talking to me today? So once I responded properly, that opened the doors to him replying back with a more playful text. I took it as a I want to make it better action. Then finally we ended with him asking how he can get a long distance kiss.

Usually a comment like that from him no matter how I was feeling would make me feel better instantly. But this time, not so much. I still feel like I am so torn.

Maybe you're just not as into him as you thought you would be. It's ok to come to a realization that someone just isn't right for you, no matter how much you thought they would be or wanted them to be. If it doesn't "feel" right then it just probably isn't. Too many people stay together because they feel like they SHOULD.

So what type of long distance are we talking about? 1 hr, 5 hrs, 5 days? Do you ever get to see one another? How often? Maybe you are just getting bored of having no physical bf in front of you to wrap your arms around. If the distance thing attracted you is it because then you don't have to deal with him in your face taking up too much of your time. You have a bf but you still have the freedom to go, do when ever you wish?

Had a long distance relationship once it came to a point where he could tell i wanted more. I wanted someone to physically be there when i needed or wanted them. WE talked everyday or almost and i saw him once a month or alteast every month and a half . He would take vacation and end up being around for a month or more. Sometimes i would fly to his house. It was 2 time zones and 3000 km give or take a lil more that separated us