This is why I want to be single forever :c(

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-20-2008 01:38 PM

Have you ever thought about the fact that he may be pondering, a "relationship'? I mean you haven't said how long you've been seeing each other for.

The more you text, the more you email, if you haven't "got him", the more you may turn him away.

It's just the old rules hey.... Man chases woman... well to a lot of men, and/or they want what they can not have, so they keep persuing...

It may have nothing to do with his sexuality, you say he "got up" no problem on another occasion yes?

It may be his job, stress, etc, so telling him "I like you even if we never have sex again" is saying, I am way into you please ring me, text me, come on... But, also saying, that he has a problem, now how do you reply to that? Um, I don't have a problem I am stressed? Want to go out tomorrow?

Just chill is what I would do... let him come to you.

The most important thing is that you have realised that you CAN have a relationship.

And, your Sister shouldn't be telling you what he's doing, lol, it makes it worse for you as now your mind is going 100 to 1 isn't it.

CW

**Toni** · 11-20-2008 01:49 PM

I'm not stalking him. I sent him a text about the auto show yesterday and a simple email just letting him know I care (Which is advice I got from here).

We haven't been together long, but it was him that pushed the relationship, he wanted to go to the next level, not me. When he brought it up, I wasn't even thinking about it.
I don't contact him much. He's said before that its one of the things he likes about me. All his ex girlfriends used to call him constantly. I work 3 jobs and go to college full time, I don't really have the time or the maturity level to act like I'm in high school again.

And yea, I did get upset at my sister for telling me, lol!

I think it bothers me because I'm bottling it up, I have absolutely no one to talk to about anything. Can't talk to my sister because she works with him and even if I hated him, I could never in a million years do that to him (plus, neither of us want her to know what goes on between us). I can't tell my friends because they all either know him or they know my sister, and one way or another, its gonna come back and bite me in the .
Its why I'm doing it anonymously online.

Its not like I'm over here crying and constantly checking my phone/email. I'm just confused to why he's avoiding me.
Like I said... the balls in his court now.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-20-2008 01:54 PM

good girl, " the balls in his court now"...

Did I say you were stalking him? lol.

Well, you just hit the nail on the head... He likes you because you don't bombard him so your doing the right thing, let him come to you.

And, it's great to be mature but, to still feel like a teenager in love lol.. It is..

I think we meant to talk to him about it next time if it happened, when you are together and comfort him that it is ok... I was just saying, hard when you send it via internet/text, cause it's hard to explain back or answer.

I am sure he will contact you soon, perhaps as he instigated it to be to the next level, then he may be ensuring that you are thinking of him, sometimes "absense makes the heart grow fonder".

Or, as stated by the other's he may feel a tad emabarrased...

Keep smiling.

CW

**Toni** · 11-20-2008 04:15 PM

well he replied.

and he broke up with me.

**N01** · 11-21-2008 03:03 AM

oh I am so sorry. did he say or give any indication why?

**Toni** · 11-21-2008 10:34 AM

You know, I'm not sorry.
I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He finally called me last night after he sent that email. And he said that he still wanted to date but he's so sorry for rushing things.
I'm 24 now, but he knew that I hadn't had sex since I was 18 with my first boyfriend. After I got screwed by him, I didn't want to have sex with anyone unless I thought they were special. And in those 6 years, I met lots of great guys but no one I really wanted to share with. But then I met this last one and I thought for sure he was different, and I didn't think I was naive. Did I learn my lesson or what?! lol But he did say he feels like an for it. Which technically he isn't, because it takes two to tango, and I didn't have to sleep with him.
So he said he still wanted to date, but he wanted to take things slower. I told him whenever he wants to go out just call me. But I also told him that I wasn't going to sit at home like a dummy waiting for his call every night.
I adore him. We started off as friends and it escalated, even if we don't work out as a couple, we're gonna stay friends because we get along so well.
I mean clearly he's going through some problems, and I'm not going to be a jerk and cause more for him, ya know?
I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt. I finally gave my heart to someone and it was handed right back to me. But I'm kind of over it and I just want us to stay friends. And we're going to the auto show on Sunday :c)

**Toni** · 11-21-2008 10:36 AM

Sorry, I forgot bad words were automatically deleted! He said he feels like an a-hole. haha

Originally Posted by Toni

But he did say he feels like an for it.

**N01** · 11-21-2008 02:49 PM

are you really not sorry?

going from really close friends to something more romantic isnt the easiest thing to do. It's hard to tell a friend that you "love " her, especially if you do have more feelings than just being friends. He may be very legitimately worried about losing you as a friend, and as something more.

Not knowing exactly what your relationship has been, exactly what was said word for word and how things really happened, I can only take a guess based on what you've written here. But, ...

and this is coming from someone who took over 13 months to tell a friend that he had feelings for her, because she meant an awful lot to him and he didnt want to risk losing her as a friend, maybe you need to think twice before thinking he handed your heart back to you. He may be trying to protect it more than you know.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-21-2008 02:58 PM

No1 has a good point, it is obviously firstly, he values your friendship, takes a real person to reply instead of leaving you wondering.

I assume, that he also knows you he was your first sexual encounter for many years and that you were somewhat smitten with the whole situation of "next level" from friendship.

Taking your time with it is a sensible thing to do... It allows it to grow naturally, instead of full on, with expectations... He may very well have felt a tad, lost knowing that you hadn't had sex for all those years as well, not knowing how to show you and be with you as to his reasons for not being able to do so.

He may also want time to "develop" to that level and still saw much of that great friend that he had, as to the reason.

It's the best way for you two, just take it back a bit, slowly and grow with it, which ever way it goes, it will go.

Good luck

CW

**SarahBear** · 11-24-2008 04:07 PM

Wow...well I'm glad that you guys are able to be civil about it and you didn't turn into some ex-psycho girl. I know it must be hard and really frustrating that you gave your heart, just for him to "give it back" - like you said. But at least it's not the end for you two. I'm like you in a way...I'm a very strong, independent woman that doesn't just give myself to anybody. I'm very careful (maybe too careful) when I enter a new relationship, so I've always been the type of person to take things REAL slow when I start liking someone.

Good luck with everything and keep us posted!