Is it time to say the "L" word?

**Tawni[WIT]** · 11-22-2008 11:47 PM

so my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. we work together, so i see him almost every day. anyway, i've known for a while that he wants to move back to Indy, where he's from. But just a couple nights ago he asked me if i would move with him if he goes back. this completely shocked me! Being as he rarely says how he feels, i guess he just assumes i know. I believe the "L" word means a lot. and once you say it you can't go back. Is it time for me to say it, or should i keep waiting until he says it? does it mean he loves me since he wants me to go with him?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-23-2008 02:55 AM

That's a hard call to answer, because we don't know how your 7 months have gone...

Has it been filled with laughter and closeness?

I ask because of this, everything has two sides, 1) can be would she? A question, 2) I want her with me... so I am asking.

Personally, I am a bit bold, so I would say, "do you want me to? "and see the answer.

If you believe the L word is important and that there is no going back, then you have to ask your heart if you really believe that you do, before you say it, not that you wish for love, but you love that person.

CW

**N01** · 11-23-2008 03:56 AM

I think you should ask him why he wants you to move with him and if that means (to him) that the relationship is going somewhere.

Aside from that, I am afraid you are not gonna like what I'm about to say, but it needs to be said...

Telling someone you love them should not be dependent on whether or not they are going to say it back. You either love them or you dont, regardless of how they feel.

If you have to ask yourself if you should say "I love you", or talk yourself into saying it, then you shouldn't say it.

Does it hurt if you say it and they dont reply or feel the same? Oh yes, very much so. But, ...

Tell someone you love them because you do love them and because you want to tell them.

**Tawni[WIT]** · 11-24-2008 12:57 AM

okay. those replies really helped. thank you

**WildChild** · 11-24-2008 08:23 AM

Regardless of how either or both of you feel, don't go unless it is what YOU want and will move your life forward. 7 months isn't really all that long, you aren't past the infatuation phase yet. What would you do there? Do you want the excitement and opportunities of a city or just want to follow his lead? You won't have a support network there, that can be freeing or inhibiting. How well do you really know him? If you go, are you setting a pattern of he leads, you follow? You can't make him responsible for you, your happiness or unhappiness and dump a bunch of your expectations on him. Before you live with someone you need to talk it out, who pays for what, who takes care of what? Who cooks and when, who does the dishes, cleans the bathroom, grocery shops? Who pays?

Men often assume that you, the female, in addition to working full time and playing in the bedroom, will do the cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, most of the errands and split the costs. (women often assume this too and won't let the men help out) They will handle the occasional car problem, the remote, tv program selection, video game playing and ordering pizza. If they end up un/under employed they seem to expect the division of labor to stay pretty much the same except of course you'll be paying the bills - been there more than once and part of the problem with my last marriage was I refused to do it and we nearly went bankrupt. Keep your finances separate, and get all this spelled out! Clearly. It's not being mercenary, it's part of life and could save your relationship later on or your finances and sanity if the relationship ends.

Only do this if it is what you would do if a gf said, I'm moving to the city, join me in the adventure!

**In-Need** · 11-24-2008 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by N01

If you have to ask yourself if you should say "I love you", or talk yourself into saying it, then you shouldn't say it.

Does it hurt if you say it and they dont reply or feel the same? Oh yes, very much so. But, ...

To me these are 2 definite factors, the second especially because it can set yourself up for disappointment if he does not say it back or does not say it ever.

For me If I seriously loved a woman I would not say it unless I had this gut feeling she did too or she said it first so you could do the same. I'm not telling you to, just making a statement. This will help in not setting yourself up for disappointment.

Part of what I'm trying to say is, if whenever it come to it you'll have a pretty good idea if he loves you, but some men have a problem with that word. He may try to tell you that at some time. Look him the eye you can see it, feel it, Hope I'm making sense.

I like all that WC says, and I think in a nut shell I would put on top of her comments, real love takes all that in. The everyday grind, because Love is more than a word. Which, I believe you know, that's why you are being careful. Remember what No1 said tho, if you have to talk yourself into, don't do it! Isn't it fun, ha

**JWB_pof** · 11-25-2008 12:35 AM

This one goes to NO1 without a doubt.
More can be said but whats the point. His answer hits the nail on the head.
so i will repeat the best answer to this thread.

If you have to ask yourself if you should say "I love you", or talk yourself into saying it, then you shouldn't say it.
&
Telling someone you love them should not be dependent on whether or not they are going to say it back. You either love them or you dont, regardless of how they feel.
Tell someone you love them because you do love them and because you want to tell them.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-25-2008 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by JWB_pof

This one goes to NO1 without a doubt.
More can be said but whats the point. His answer hits the nail on the head.
so i will repeat the best answer to this thread.

TOTALLY agree on this one JWB... Well said N01.

**N01** · 12-05-2008 02:16 PM

so, what did you do?

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