Feeling inadequate

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-10-2009 03:15 PM

I have been in a relationship for several months, and all in all I am happier than I have ever been. I made a post a few days ago, after realizing my bf still looks at porn, asking what it is about porn that turns people on... hoping to get the answer that its the sex and not fantasizing about the other person.

Turns out the kind of porn I think he likes is non sexual, just naked strikingly beautiful women. Well that blows my other theory out of the water. It then has to be about fantasizing about other people right? After reading some of the other posts, I should be thrilled its that, THAT is what turns him on and not something sick. I don't mind it at all on a level I can't really put into words. I just don't, it doesnt bother me except for thinking this must mean he doesn't find me attractive enough.

Everything else he has done all along has made me feel so special, why I am letting this make me feel unnattractive enough, I don't know. It won't change how I act toward him, I just wish I could get this feeling out of my gut that I am not good enough, when his words and actions say I am... and a few pictures of hotter women say I am not.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-10-2009 03:23 PM

Surely, you see Actors with ripped stomachs, good looking, or Firemen posters and say that's hot?

Surely.

It's normal to "look", at what you find attractive.

But, would you trade your man for any of those guys?

I imagine the answer to that is no... Because like your man knows, he is not going to find someone as "special" as you, so he's not going to let you go anytime soon....

It has nothing to do with the outside where, "love" is concerned, rather the "inside".

I will look at photos and say mmmm he's cute, I will also look at women "cause i think they have a few more assets" haha, no I am not bi.. and I will say she looks good....

But, I am happy with how I look and, I wouldn't trade any guy for the one that takes my heart, no matter what he turned out looking like, mind you I may say, ok, your too heavy get off, haha, or else start eating rabbit food a bit more.

CW

**robbin** · 01-10-2009 03:30 PM

you feel like that because as women we always have to find the one bad thing and dwell on it. my bf and i live in the same house that he and his ex lived in..... and they had a son that we see 2 days a week, so we still talk to her. he also masterbates in the shower3 or 4 times a week. i used to be really insecure about him masterbating. once we started perfecting our love making, i found myself wanting to masterbate more. i feel like he is thinking about the way i make him feel, or a certain event durring shenanigans when he is masterbating. try looking at pictures of really handsome men. what do you like about them. these things that you like, are they traits that you feel are very sexy on your bf? i think he looks at these pics and sees what he loves to look at on you. i love pin ips! i make my bf look at then all the time. they are the most beautiful women. he likes to look at them and tell me he want me to wear some of the stuff they have or he might say, thats whot your breasts look like. you are so beautiful! but the only reason i get that feedback is because we look at them together. you man is thinking about you when he looks at those pics!!! i guarantee it!

**happy ending** · 01-10-2009 06:38 PM

it sounds weird but my worry was, when i first started seeing my honey he would tell me about all the kinky stuff he enjoyed and was ahem going to do to me, after a year i felt more comfortable and was willing to do some stuff, he now loves cuddling and snuggling and making more romantic love. i felt a bit put out, but then i realised we a have loving relationship, more than a sexual one!

**robbin** · 01-10-2009 06:43 PM

i'm the sexual one in our relationship. he has alot more experience (he is my second lover ever) but i'm crazy!

but our best love making sessions have been regular sex with lots of emotional love and passion. feeling close.

**happy ending** · 01-11-2009 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by robbin

i'm the sexual one in our relationship. he has alot more experience (he is my second lover ever) but i'm crazy!

but our best love making sessions have been regular sex with lots of emotional love and passion. feeling close.

we're the same, he has had many many lovers, done lots of kinky stuff etc but with me he's i feel sad tonight can you just hold me, i guess we have tipped over the line into love, being in lust was soooooo hot HAHA!

**Married15** · 01-14-2009 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I have been in a relationship for several months, and all in all I am happier than I have ever been. I made a post a few days ago, after realizing my bf still looks at porn, asking what it is about porn that turns people on... hoping to get the answer that its the sex and not fantasizing about the other person.

Turns out the kind of porn I think he likes is non sexual, just naked strikingly beautiful women. Well that blows my other theory out of the water. It then has to be about fantasizing about other people right? After reading some of the other posts, I should be thrilled its that, THAT is what turns him on and not something sick. I don't mind it at all on a level I can't really put into words. I just don't, it doesnt bother me except for thinking this must mean he doesn't find me attractive enough.

Everything else he has done all along has made me feel so special, why I am letting this make me feel unnattractive enough, I don't know. It won't change how I act toward him, I just wish I could get this feeling out of my gut that I am not good enough, when his words and actions say I am... and a few pictures of hotter women say I am not.

It really stinks that we do this to ourselves..I do it, I now tons of other women that do it....Then we turn around and think "OMG what are we thinking"...

Like Chandler said, it is normal to look at what is attractive....everyone does it all the time...Even the same sex...I can see a beautiful woman and say it to hubby "WOW she is really beautiful" and him to me...It's apart of our human nature to be this way, unfortunatly it is apart of our human nature to be worried like you are right now too!!

Take a deep breath and think of it this way!

He enjoys looking at strikingly beautiful women right? Then obviously he knows what beautiful is and guess what HE CHOSE YOU!!!!

Which translates into not only are you strikingly beautiful but you are something special also!!!

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