Thread: Don't know how to date :(

CW, you make a strong point in saying basically that guys enjoy the chasing and don't like to rush into things and that it's better for them to discover who you are by the way you act than by what you say. And for the future, I will definitely SHOW a guy I'm not easy rather than tell him.

Thank you for that bit of advice :-)

Originally Posted by rkm2008

I have considered this before Wildflower. And to some extent I do want what you're saying. Yes, I believe deep down, most people want to find the person that truly completes them, but in the mean time why not have fun?

A lot of my girlfriends who are in similar boats as me have contemplated the same thing. Let's just all go out, get drunk, hook-up with someone (not for sex, but harmless fun), keep each other safe, come back, and have a good laugh trying to remember the guy's face.

I'm down. Maybe it'll happen and it'll add some physical experience to my empty record. But then what? You do it again and again... and then? This cycle might be something that cuts it for some people but I don't think that's the lifestyle I'm shooting for. A couple of nights of harmless fun just messing around, I know from observation, is not a means to satisfaction in the long run.

With this guy that I was (maybe still am) talking to, I'm not looking for anything so completely serious and committed that he would have been my soul-mate and we would have gotten married and lived happily ever after. Ew!

I like to take things as they come, be lighthearted, and have good time. But I am a very meaningful person. I care, and I'd like to have someone to care for and who may just care back. This doesn't mean find the person who I will get "serious" with. Just have an especially close, wonderful friend.

I know that most guys in college are just out to get laid. That's cool, whatever makes you happy. But to say that EVERYONE is just in it for the orgie is a bit of an overstatement. Because I do see people who find themselves in meaningful situations. And, okay, woe is me, I don't have that... I don't want to be (and am not!) just another single girl moping around watching soppy love films eating tubs of ice cream. I want to and am willing to put myself out there, meet new people, push away the shy me, be fun but dignified, and be who I am.

But how do you take it to the next level without these effing games!?

Comes down to luck, I feel.

I really identify with you. I didn't date much at all in high school, aside from a 3 month stint in senior year that was admittedly pretty pleasant even though it didn't really go anywhere. It wasn't because of conservative parents, they were ecstatic in fact when I did finally start dating that guy, but because I was painfully shy. Besides that, I went to a tiny school, so most of the guys there felt like family, and honestly weren't particularly attractive physically or personality-wise.

College didn't improve matters, as I went to an all-women's school. Didn't really bother me at the time. I very briefly dated a guy during my first year, but he turned out to be a bit of a jerk and it died almost before it began. Then there was nothing more than occasional flirtations until last May, more than four years after my last attempt at dating. I ended up having what I thought was a one-night stand at my sister's wedding. (Yeah, classy, I know.) He was 9 years older than me and a friend of both my sister and her husband. But after I got back from the wedding (it was in Texas, and I was living in Tennessee at the time), he called me and we talked on the phone for hours. He lived about 4 hours away, and we ended up having a long-distance summer fling, seeing each other every few weeks. I think I was actually incredibly lucky. He was intelligent, passionate, extremely sexy, and incredibly honest. We knew from the get-go that our relationship was not a long-term thing. I was moving much further away in the fall, and he was actually moving to China about the same time. I think it was the perfect thing to get me into the swing of dating. No commitments, honest commmunication, a gorgeous sweet guy, and we saw each other enough to form a connection, but not so much that it broke me heart when we had to say good-bye. That is a one-night stand I definitely don't regret, even though I never thought I had it in me to have a one-night stand. It was exhilarating to throw caution to the wind, and I ended up getting an awesome mini relationship out of the bargain.

Roll around to the fall, I had moved out west to start grad school, and decided I wanted a way to get to know people outside of my classmates. Not being a bar-hopping type, and being at somewhat of a loss for better ideas, I put a profile on a dating website. I met a handful of guys, nothing special, briefly got caught up with one who had a lot going for him, but was similar to your situation in that he was never really clear on what he wanted, it felt like he was indeed just playing games.

I quickly extricated myself from that mess when I met my current partner (yes, met through the dating website). We have been dating for about 3 and a half months now, and I am happier than I ever have been. I think it is because he is so very good at expressing what he wants and feels, and makes me completely comfortable in doing the same. I agree, the games are awful and nerve-racking. If you can find someone who doesn't play them, who is straight-forward and compassionate and loving, then that is the best thing. Then again, I think my man is a rare breed, there aren't a lot of guys out there as amazing as he is.

When we first started dating, I told him that I had not dated much at all in my life, and that he should tell me if there was anything I should know about the ropes of dating. He just smiled and said I was doing a million times better than anyone he had ever dated before, and he has been in a fair number of relationships. So don't let lack of experience hold you back. Listen to your feelings and instincts, and I'm sure you'll find "dating" to be not so hard at all, especially of you find the right guy.

PS. Sorry for the long-winded reply, I might've gotten a little carried away, LOL.