Bella2185

Hello Everyone...

...Im new to all this but would like some advice to see what others would think, maybe give me a different way to look at the situation...

So here goes...1st off I live in Boston and he lives in Florida...Ive known him for a little over a yr and right now were just friends that would like it to get to be something more (im going there in Feb and will be seeing him). We speak everyday from texting to talking on the phone and hes always telling me how much he likes me and wants to be with me and everything...hes a really good person and I feel like he is always honest and straight up with me about everything he gives me no reasons to think otherwise. Neways to make a long story short his ex lives in Atlanta and they are still friends they talk just about everyday (hes told me he cant deny that there arent still some feeling there between them) and me and him arent together so it hasent really bother me until yesterday (friday) he told me that he was driving up to Atlanta (an 8 hr drive) to give his ex his old car cuz he recently bought a new 1...that bothered me but I didnt say anything to him then last night (fri night around 8pm) he called me and when I asked him what he was doing he said going to the bus station to pick up his ex cuz she took the bus to Tampa and then saturday morning they were both driving to Atlanta (which means she would be sleeping at his house fri night) , him in his car, her in his old 1 after that I told him Id call him back that I had to do something but I didnt, (and I was thinking if she came to Tampa to get the car what was the reason he was still driving up to Atlanta in the morning...y couldnt she just go herself...but I didnt ask questions I just got off the phone) normally he would have called me or texted me before he went to sleep even if he hadnt heard back from me but he didnt, I didnt hear from him until 2 in the afternoon today (saturday) hes texted me like 3 times but I havent answered back yet because I dont know what to say...

This really bothers me and Im sort of thinking if he really does want something with me why does he tell me all this stuff and expect me to just be like oh ok cool? Can I say something to him about it even if me and him arent offically together? Or should I just mind my business and act like it doesnt even bother me? Thank Youuuu!!!

N01

your post was right above one that has the exact opposite issue, a woman who is upset that her ex isnt talking to her http://www.womens-health.com/boards/71784-post1.html.

of course there are still feelings between them. even when people have horrible breakups, there are still some underlying feelings of care for the other, it's just that some get expressed and others dont.

I have an ex from 20+ years ago i would do absolutely anything for (and have), and have no problem telling anyone that I care for her (and I do). but there's nothing anyone needs to be concerned about.

if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you appreciate an ex making an effort to help you? i know I would!

but on to the main point of your concern, unless there is some commitment agreement between you two (eg. calling each other BF/GF for real, or a promise ring, or something), you two are still both single.

and in reality would you rather he tell you about it, or just keep it to himself?

WildChild

How well do you really know this man? Have you spent time together? You've known each other a year and are just freinds - how strong is the connection really? Bottom line, either you trust him or you don't.

Bella2185

Hey No1 and Wildchild...

...I do appreciate him telling me but at the same time it still bothers me...ya weve spent time together Ive been down there twice in the last yr and im goin in feb cuz I have family down there so when I go there I also see him...I did trust him completely until about todays ago when I started racking my brain thinking too much about this...

...do you think I should bring it up to him nicely and tell him it bothers me or not say anything at all since were not together?

Thank Youuuuu!

CHANDLERS WISH

I think this.

You've seen him twice in 12 months, never been intimate, although both have discussed some parts of your "past".. He has indicated phone sex, you've decided to hold out on that as well as on him for a bit. You are seeing him in February.

Now his ex, she was "in his life" perhaps daily, weekly, and intimate... So, he has built a foundation of some sorts with her and has remained friends.

You two are "friends" with lust involved and possible feelings of sorts.

What you need to do is see if you can form this now into a relationship, but if so then you need to consider twice a year is not going to form a relationship/bond...maybe that is why it has not developed further yet..

So, the only discussion I would be having in February is " do you want to take this to another level, a relationship", then express you realise distance is a problem if so and therefore, you have to discuss this openly.. I don't mean "sex" as the next level, that is par .. but "relationship"..

And, I wouldn't be saying that on the first day but towards the last day.

Telling him anything about his ex, and him is in-security.. there is no need, as you are not even a couple yet.

If, the distance is a factor that stops this from being a relationship, then you have to realise that he is "stringing you a bit, likes you, but it can never work out, in his mind, distance", and so you do nothing...

CW

__________________
Women are Angels
And when someone breaks our wings....
We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick...

We are flexible like that ....
White Witch.


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