Thread: Why doesn't he bring up the "marriage" subject?

gute morgen frauline!

Deutsch männer sind anders als amerikaner.

a friend of mine from high school moved to germany about 30 years ago and fell in love with someone there. they have been off and on a number of times, and she still isnt married and doesnt have children. I've asked her many times if she's happy, and she has never answered the question.

My cousin who lives in baden-baden has been divorced for 20+ years and with the same man for about the last 15 of them, and she too is unmarried. But when I ask her if she's happy, she says she is.

now i'm not saying that will happen to you, but the mindset of german men (and women too) is a little different from here in the states.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it's gonna depend on you coming right out and asking the question, and whether or not you can be happy with what the answer is.

remember, you can have a marriage without being married - and married without having a marriage. neither are a preferred choice, but one is definitely better than the other.

tschüss

Originally Posted by WildChild

Well you can't force it, but having talked to the women of his family they may start putting some pressure on him. Are you in any risk of being made to leave the country if you aren't married? Many people just don't want marriage or at least not until they have reached certain goals or a certain age. Have you talked of having a family? Is that something he wants? How old are the two of you? Have you completed your educations? If you can you should get employed and be in a position to support yourself, it will be better for both of you emotionally and for you financially.

Thank you for answering this fast! No, I'm not threatened of leaving the country unless he marries me.You're right! This is true.. I couldn't write from the very begining every aspect about me... So... I'm 25... I'm not from the USA... but from Europe also... Both me and my boyfriend are originary from the same country... the only difference is that he has a second nationality... the german one.. and he moved to Germany with his family in his teenage years... there is an age difference between us... as he's just turned 39. This doesn't troubles me at all... as we share many things which kept us close together during these past 4 years. I just finished the University back home and in February I am going to get my "Diplom"... my License. My priority... beside clarifying my status is getting a job. I have always earned my living but thing got a bit tougher over here at first. So wish me luck getting a job and getting back on track earning money and my independence. I appreciate your feed-back and hope to hear from you soon.

Originally Posted by N01

gute morgen frauline!

Deutsch männer sind anders als amerikaner.

a friend of mine from high school moved to germany about 30 years ago and fell in love with someone there. they have been off and on a number of times, and she still isnt married and doesnt have children. I've asked her many times if she's happy, and she has never answered the question.

My cousin who lives in baden-baden has been divorced for 20+ years and with the same man for about the last 15 of them, and she too is unmarried. But when I ask her if she's happy, she says she is.

now i'm not saying that will happen to you, but the mindset of german men (and women too) is a little different from here in the states.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it's gonna depend on you coming right out and asking the question, and whether or not you can be happy with what the answer is.

remember, you can have a marriage without being married - and married without having a marriage. neither are a preferred choice, but one is definitely better than the other.

tschüss

Hallo!! Und vielen Dank für die Antwort! Du hast Recht! Aber ich habe nicht alles über mich geschrieben...

I didn't get the chance to mention everything about me.... so.. Both me and my boyfriend, are originary from the same european country.... The only difference is that he has a second nationality.. as a german and he moved to Germany with his family as he was a teenager.

You're perfectly right! "you can have a marriage without being married - and married without having a marriage" and I really appreciate your answer. I don't know what I'm going to do ... but for sure, while I'm going to have my final exam at the University back home... his mother is going to nag him... I'm not happy about that but it sure will help. Everybody, including myself... is waiting for an officialisation...

It's only natural to be afraid putting the wrong question in order to clarify my dillema as I would'n like later on to feel the only responsible for getting married. But I feel somewhat insecure about his intentions and it turns out that everybody from this family is. I would have enjoyed it better when he'd at least mentioned that to me.

Ich freue mich sehr dass du mich beantwortet hast. Bis bald!

Haben Sie zwei andere gespräche, die sich unwohl?

one of the biggest problems couples (married and unmarried) have is not having real communications. Yeah they "talk", but not much is really discussed because either people don't want to hurt each others feelings - so a lot goes unsaid, or they are too busy trying to get their point across that they aren't listening to the other person.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you and your boyfriend can't have a "hard" conversation now about something as important as where your relationship is going, how sure can you be that you'll be able to about things like finances, where to live, disciplining children, etc., later if/when you get married?

Lassen sie sich nicht von seiner familie druck ihn! er möchte, dass dü entweder für den rechten grund, oder ...

fragst, was er sieht Ihre beziehung in drei Jahren? sieht er es ändern?

does he see it staying the same as it is or moving forward?

Viel Glück auf deine prüfungen! Ich weiß, du tün gut.

Ich werde ihn das fragen. Das ist eine gute Idee. Und jetzt, bin ich darauf gespannt.

Hopefully, he does see us the same I see us.... You know? I'm not that type who only wants to get married and have children... I might seem somewhat idealistic, but I enjoy that life in two as a great start .. I want to revive my career.... And for that I should be more patient... which I'm not, unfortunatelly. Afterwards I'd consider children and the other things which come along.

Danke und pass auf dich auf! We'll stay in touch as I'm truly enjoying this.