Steph33

Point being made was they finally saw the double standards and dumped the losers. Sorry, "nothing wrong with strip clubs unless or if" is to much make up your mind to me. It's a yes or no question. But live as you wish. If you think a guy who see strippers every weekend quits so he can date, you're not in touch with reality. And solving a slobs "sexual addition" problems, that amount to cheating basically, isn't any woman's job or responsibility. Plenty of non losers with that type of "feel sorry for me problem" to pick from. No need to feed from the bottom of the barrel. It's the same with porn, I get weary of men here who say it's fine, near all women it causes obvious problems. Then whine "I have a problem." Don't date if you're to thick to see an obvious loser for what he is and walk away.

These days there is an "excuse or ill" or everything possible. It's such BS, worse still those who buy into it.

CHANDLERS WISH

It's great that you can see the writing on the wall, to those whom "don't care" about their women, women in general and expect they should accept.

Granted.

But, people are people as well, and may not see, until something happens to make them see, doesn't make them "stupid".

In all fairness, it's those people that we are here to help are we not? Those that can't understand what happened, or why?

Give those people views on why they don't deserve the treatment they are getting but you can't catagorise, that's like putting people into boxes....

Sorry.

CW

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WildChild

Anything taken to extremes is not healthy. There was man a couple decades ago who died from drinking carrot juice. Now carrot juice is good for you, but not if it's the only thing you consume. Moderation is the key with most things. There are always exceptions.
As we see frequently here, there are areas where opinions vary widely, certainly porn and strip clubs are two of them. There really isn't a wrong or a right answer on these so long as excess isn't a factor. Someone who is going to cheat will find a way to do it. The key point is that each couple has to have their own understanding of what the limits are. There are men who feel as strongly against strip clubs or porn as some of the ladies. There needs to be mutual respect and accomodation.

Fatin

mmm well my opinon i do care if my bf was watching porn or go to a strip club cos 1st that just make me feel like im not giving him what he wants thats why he do these things u know what i mean?? .. i mean to me it ain't just right

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OhThereYouAre

I'm a 27 y/o male.

If he's going every once in a while, no big deal...but if this is a weekly thing, there is probably a problem.

Special occasions, bachelor parties/vegas trips....ok fine.

I personally have little desire to frequent strip joints.

I've always found it shameful and desperate that men will pay for sex or sexual entertainment.

Plus, my fiance is hotter than any tramp at a strip joint.

Just my .02.

caterpillar79

Your fiance is a lucky woman! Imagine how many women here envy her...... Out of curiosity, I had been to such places, and it disgusts me no matter what my BF says. I thought I'd go home insecure after that, but it turned out otherwise. I had an internal battle though. I dug deep in my treasure chest and realized that I will not live my life with a partner who frequents those places. I want a man who wants me as I am and will not look for or waste his energy OUTSIDE of our relationship by going to such places. (I know this might backfire...but this is how I feel right now, and I made it known to my SO). He'll have to take it or leave it. I am stable and beautiful. Eventhough I have him, suitors still try to persuade me (not that I entertain them, but they are persistent buggers). As of now, we are OK, after the adventure and emotional roller-coaster I had... and I am happy that I was able to express how I want our relationship to be...now, it's up to him to decide whether to go on with it or not, and he knows the consequences. I know I will have to suffer it, too if he goes the other way around.

For the OP, you have to express yourself in a safe way. Don't encourage arguments to ensue. Proper timing is vital in this kind of conversation. Set up boundaries and rules in the play field - compromise. If rules are not followed, be ready to effect the consequences. This is a tough call, and I really feel for you. I felt that...I've been there. But don't allow yourself to be the underdog. You are a woman...and you deserve to be happy. Assert yourself. Be strong.

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OhThereYouAre

Thank you for the ego boost!

Truth of the matter is, I'm also a pretty lucky guy to have her.

If I may I want to shed more light on the topic - it may make you and the O/P feel better.

From a young age, both men and women pick up gender roles from their parents and from society. Unfortunately, it seems that all the crude and perverted practices seem to end up in the "manly things to do" bucket. In my opinion, I don't think paying to look at sub par girls is very manly. Going out and meeting the prom queen and having her accompany you home is.

So be careful when judging his reasons for going...it may be out of plain old peer pressure, or maybe it makes him feel like a man because it's apparently a "manly" thing to do. I know the few times i've been to strip clubs I went without wanting to simply comforming to my buddies.

Hope this helps!

WildChild

You are right and the "peer pressure" stuff can get insane. A male freind (who divorced his wife for her infidelity) told me he had a bachelor party and the stripper was really unattractive. But, he said, he had to do her because it was his bachelor party. What kind of thinking is that? What was that setting the stage for?

caterpillar79

Oh, an update and a sort of encouragement for the OP and other women who are in the same boat...

After I told my SO that if we are to keep US together, stronger, we have to focus on our relationship ang not waste energies outside of it. I explicitly expressed that I equate going to strip joints (while we are a couple) as cheating. And if he wants, he can go, but I will have to be out of the picture. I didn't threaten him, I just told him that that is how I want to be treated - with respect (that's how I see it, you know). And he told me that it is not worth losing me for such. He added that if I don't like it, then he won't. I believe him, I trust him, and he knows it. All it takes now is for him to keep his word, and I know that he can do it. But should he ask for us to go together just for the fun of it...I still might (that is how I can compromise)...provided, he won't get a lap dance - because I will give him once we get home!

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caterpillar79

Out of the picture means we are to break up.

I think I can't handle the thought of him getting hard over other women....but when I am there with him, we make out a lot so...I think it kind of compensates...don't know...but I am 100% sure he's showing me off to other men (losers) there in that place...that he's got a hot GF with him.

OP, have you sorted this out so far?

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