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BD, you are a wise woman. I shall try this, even though it scares the bejeezees out of me to be confrontational like that.
Ahh..been there done that. It's SOOO hard to reject people like that..especially when they're being vague with their intentions. It's like, you KNOW he's not just wanting to be your friend. How many people do you just approach in the gym and ask them to go out because you want to be their friend? Ehhh....not many for me. My thoughts...sometimes when guys are being vague in order to get what they want, you need to be respectfully blunt. Don't shoot him back with some vague answer "I've just got so much going on right now..."....because then he keeps hope...and he may very well approach you again in a month and say "can we go out now?" or perhaps see you out with friends "oh, I thought you were too busy to go out with friends" type thing.
I'd be honest...teach this man to be honest by giving him honesty (i.e. you're smarter than to think he continously approaches you in this way JUST to be your friend...) so tell him... "I'm really just not interested in doing this.." if he questions you, answer.....be honest. If he says "I just wanted to grab a beer as friends"....reply "None of my friends have ever approached me like this....and this situation lends itself to something I truly don't want from you." U don't have to say it exactly like that.....but shoot, don't be afraid to speak for what you want and for what you don't want. You can do it in a nice respectful way.....and then maybe you two can casually speak without being on eggshells at the gym!! :-)
BD, you are a wise woman. I shall try this, even though it scares the bejeezees out of me to be confrontational like that.
i've had to do this a few times so after the first i have learned to say "i'm sorry, but i am not interested in going to get a beer with you." and if he presses the issue, tell him that you don't have to give him a reason. try to be honest the first time with telling him your not interested. even if he corners you in public. honestly, if he corners you in public just say no and then he would be the one making the scene and not you.
Its a terrible feeling to have to hurt someone elses feelings simply because "ur just not that into them"... Which makes us lie about what we are doing when and why... I am the same way... to blow someone off is hard, but it ultimately has to be done, exspecially when they are so darn flippin persistant. What makes it so hard to say you are not interested? Fear of what? They may not like me anymore? Im mean or a bad person? We as humans dont like it when someone doesnt like us, so we cant be honest with our words in fear of the other person offended.... means your a good person.
Bubbles
I emailed him and apologized for giving the impression that I may have been interested and added that he put me on the spot and didn't feel comfortable discussing it at the gym in front of people. He was cool about it...but added that he was 'safe' which leads me to think that he's been told before that he's too pushy.
But I feel 1000x better now that I have that off my chest.
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