Thread: How to tell someone you're not interested.....

Help! I'm really not good at this. Ok, this is kind of a long story so bare with me here.

There is a guy (John) at the fitness club who is often there at the same time as me. He's pretty friendly with the guy who works the front desk who also happens to be A: a very good friend of mine, B: a team mate of mine in the boxing club C: someone I used to date. John knows all three of those things.

Anyway, the three of us often chat when we all happen to be there at the same time. He used to kickbox, so we talk boxing most of the time. Well, this summer I went to Guatemala for a vacation and when I came back he kept saying "Oh sometime soon we need to go grab a beer, I want to hear all about Guate" He always said this in front of my friend/boyfriend/complictedness guy, so I assumed he just meant it as just a beer and to chat about my trip. So I always said, "Yeah sure, sounds cool." and left it at that.

Well just before Christmas my friend left for two weeks so I was usually at the gym by myself. Same small talk etc but one day he came out to my car as I was leaving and totally put me on the spot and said, "Hey just give me your number and I'll call you so we can go get a beer" I HATE that. I hate being on the spot and I hate confrontation, so I gave it to him. He called, that night I think and left a message. It was right before Christmas so I ignored it and didn't call back. I ran into him at the store a week later with a friend of mine and he asked me out for a beer again right in front of her so I didn't feel like I could say no, not interested. I gave the usual, yeah after the holidays calm down I'll give you a call. Then he cornered us in the parking lot and asked again!

Sorry, this is getting really long. Anyway, I didn't like that he was trying to make it seem like it was only friendly and not like a date. I never know what to say because I don't want to assume he's asking me on a date, turn him down and then have him use that and be defensive and turn it around. I've actually had that happen where I said I only was interested in being friends and the guy threw it in my face that he wasn't asking 'as in a date' when he clearly was.

Sooo, sorry, this is long. Yesterday I went to the gym, (under the advice from my ex that John was out of town and it was safe to go there) I hop on the treadmill and put my headphones on and BAM! here he is out of no where leaning up against the treadmill! The room is very small mind you and there are several people there working out and he blurts out loudly "So do you want to go have a beer with me? Are you interested?" What the am I supposed to say to that?! In front of all those people. So I said, "well, I'm really busy (which is totally true) can you give me your email and when I get home I'll check when I have time this coming week."

Well, I get a call from him today asking me to go snowboarding tomorrow!

So do I just email him and say, "Look, I'm flattered but not interested in dating anyone at the moment" with the risk that he'll claim it's just a beer as friends. Or do I just do my usual passive-aggressive-coward route and avoid him until he goes away? haha. Which, he obviously won't because it's been two months and he's still at it.

Help!