Thread: Any good men out there?

I just found a really great guy, where? online actually...a good dating site( not those sex ones) and he is very shy, doesnt go out and booze it up, he is so sweet, honest. really a good guy so far. i've noticed that i'm testing our relationship (not really knowing it at the time) but i see how he is with the little stuff (little arguments) of course he has little flaws, we all do. but i'm lucky.

The prior history of my BF is not real happy and basically we're together by accident. From family members, his close long time friends, and bits from him I know his past.

Before we were together he hadn't dated anyone or even asked anyone in nearly 10 years. No real parent upbringing and just sort of figured out life and how to be on his own. He is the guy that every female said at least once "he's to nice" because they wanted a challange, a "bad boy" or some other type that nobody wants to live with forever when they do get one.

Assuming even half of what I've been told is true, he was probably crapped on, used, or taking advantage of as much as many man has. Unlike most men who get hit hard in a bad way, he never did the rebound "get even" thing, never looked for 1 nighters (I'm positive he never had one) or did any of the other junk people normally do if treated the way he was.

Men I dated before always acted perfect at the start and turned into what they really are after awhile. He was the first man who ever said in a very early conversation "I'm not perfect, don't pretend to be, and am just who and what I am." He is NOT a fan of men and has no male friends, never has. His closest friends in life have been totally platonic females because they talked about more than 1 thing, liked to shop (he does BIG TIME and is good at it) and generally didn't spend all day talking and trying to just get laid. And he isn't into typical guy stuff (hunting, fishing, pro sports, NASCAR, etc) that in my area are all men are into.

He was dumped by some women because he's SO SLOW with doing anything physical, they either thought he was gay or not interested, or whatever. Simple fact is he just isn't a pig. He demands and expects nothing from anyone, ever. Before him I can't remember a guy who didn't expect to get laid on date #2 (or tried on #1). He's the kind who ASKED on date 4 or 5 if we could hold hands. I scratched my head a lot the first few months trying to figure him out because in a lot of ways he's not typical or uncommon (best word I have).

When he seemed comfortable enough to ask after a few dates (only coffee meets and mid-day lunch meets by his choice) I couldn't help but ask why he didn't date in so long (just for sex I'd have exploded by then). He just got fed up with having to prove what he wasn't first before he could show anything he was, found that offensive, so decided it wasn't worth the hassle. A lot of women asked him within 5 minutes how much he made, that made him feel like a John with a hooker. Ask him now and he'll say "I'm an average looking guy, am not rich, and am grateful for what I am and am not." He's the most intelligent man I've ever known and not the slightest bit arrogant, as well as the most sensitive and caring person of either gender I've ever met. Walk into a stragners house with animals, the pets all sit with on on him (they know). But if he doesn't know you, he's EXTREME quiet and very shy. You'd never know him because he's the guy by himself in a club who doesn't hit on you or stare at you.

Not to sound ego filled, but I dealt with a total different kind of men my whole life. I'm 5' 7", 40D boobs, hourglass figure. I couldn't go anywhere for a drink or be with friends just to hear music without 10 guys hitting on me, staring at my chest when they talked, the whole "lounge lizard" or " sex puppy" thing. Subtle sex comments or questions, the typical moron stuff. Lots of flash, I have this, that, I'm important, etc.

One of the first things my guy asked me in our first conversation (that I had to start) is do I like cats or other pets. I do. Then he showed me the photos in his wallet of his cats. Not typical male for me. Another thing he asked me was if I liked books. Again not typical for me, men I dated read porn or the sports page (our apartment has about 2,000 books, so likes was modest).

I had a bracelet my mother owned on, he told me who made it. I took it off and the 1940s maker he named (and the logo he described) was on the back. He said he just "liked to learn" about old things, collectibles, and other stuff so knew "a bit" about some things (he knows more about gems and jewelry than an average jeweler + other stuff). He was modest, never crude or rude. And never stared at my darn chest (how refreshing).

Every 1st date I ever had the guy wanted me to pay my part of the check, didn't matter if a 1 time or if going to meet again. This guy feels if a woman pays anything it makes him feel like a "giggelo" (spelling?). He told me that on our first meet and that it didn't matter if I ever met him again or not (regards the pay thing). In a little over 3 years I haven't bought a cup of coffee when we go out. If his money is short, he'd rather do something that's free than have me pay (I earn more than him).

A lot of "Joe Cool" types open your car door for a date or 2, then once they get laid forget it. Doesn't matter if it's his sister, his mother, an old platonic friend, or me. If he's driving you don't open your door. It's NORMAL to him. Going to the mall and it's cold, raining, or a long walk. You get dropped off at the door and he walks. This is all new stuff for me when it goes past the "I'm perfect for 2 weeks" stage most men do. After a few months I said something and all he could say is "it really doesn't take any more energy to be nice than it does to be an a**"

It took forever to get kissed by him before he finally ASKED PERMISSION. We had no sex till I bluntly seduced him and that was MILES longer into dating then I ever experienced.

He's not flashy, doesn't brag about anything (he has plenty of reasons to), doesn't intrude on anyone, doesn't act like a know-it-all. If you think different in a group conversation than he does, he stands up for you to think what you want.

I was married to a moron who demanded stuff in bed I didn't want or like. Now I'm asked if the slightest thing is ok. And now I'm not with a pervert so anything he wants is fine. He's materially the most generous person I've ever met and at the same time he sucks to buy for because he doesn't want anything or feels he doesn't need anything. I just buy what I want now. If I ask him what he wants for birthday, Christmas, or some similar holiday, all he's ever said is "just be with me." I've had men ask me for anything from a giant TV to a stereo for Christmas. God, when he says all he wants is "just be with me" I want to rip his clothes off right there

He was invited to my cousin's bachelor party. Not real comfortable for him with strangers but he felt it was a right thing to do and deal with my family. An hour after I dropped him off he called and wanted me to please come and get him. My family is generally blue collar and for the party they hired a couple strippers. Unknown to me, my BF had never been in a strip club, and never saw a stripper. He was pretty unglued. To him why would anyone want to look at somebody naked and get excited if you don't belong to them ? Why WANT to look at some stranger female naked when you have one of your own to look at? If he had stayed he felt he would be cheating on me. This is the typical guy bachelor party in my family. I laid awake for hours absorbing the reality of that night.

Maybe I needed to be 30 to really "get it." You don't want the brainless superficial "hottie" male model in love with himself, or the guy with family bucks, or the biker, etc. The "keepers" are the ones nobody notices and walks past. And even though it's hard to tell if true or false, you don't want the ones who pretend "worship" you for a week and are gone.

This guy worships me every day. Yea, we have grumbles sometimes but never anything major and it's rare. I look in his eyes and I have no doubt I am everything that matters to him, every single day. When he sees me naked his initial face expression still looks like a 15 year old would on a date with a Playboy centerfold. Besides the want, he shows appreciate, priveledged to be with me, and I have zero doubt in my mind that is he incapable of wanting anyone else. And I never was in a relationship before where my partner wanted so TOTALLY much to please me every time we had sex.

That fact I make him feel desired, wanted, and do for him in bed is just a "side bonus" for all the other stuff we have and do. He's just a plain jeans and color T-shirt guy but buys me clothes to die for. Now I LOVE occassionally going to the same clubs or bars where the same morons still are "prowling." Now when they do their "hit on" thing I just say "F**K OFF, I'm waiting for my guy." I'm dressed to die for and when my "plain average" guy gets there I wrap my arms around him and bury my tongue in his throat then give him total adoring attention. I wonder if the idiots watching with their jaws open learn anything or if they just scratch their heads and think "I'm so cool, why him?"

My only regret is not being lucky or smart enough to find him sooner. We don't waste days or time, life is to short. But it bugs me sometimes I could have had even more time with him already. But I'm grateful to have him now. He's my best buddy, most important of all, and I am his. But also being lovers I have the fun of "messing" with him sexually and blowing his mind is my favorite bobby