Any good men out there?

**Karma3** · 02-19-2009 09:22 PM

Reading all of these threads containing cheating BF's/Husbands....is there any good men out there? Seriously, I don't want to come off nieve, because I did have male friends growing up who had reputations, and you always new how they would end up. Then, when maturing and meeting new friends, the stories that you hear about guys they know who are in marriages and are screwing around, or who had one night stands at a bar one night out with all the guys.....my mouth drops because some of these guys I just can't picture doing things like that (some attend church on Sunday mornings with their wives). I guess that just goes to show how smooth guys can be. This also is a scary thought, because if you do meet someone new and you fall in love with them, they could too end up to be the "smooth" guy, it just seems to be a vicious cycle. So I can only imagine reading these threads from girls who are in horrible relationships, or their BF's cheated and they don't know what to do. The comments advised all the time is, leave him and find someone else out there that will love you and treat you right......but is there REALLY any good guys out there that just never dreams, thinks, or fantasizes about being naughty or is even tempted?? How well do you EVER seem to know somebody....it is a very scary thing!

**Kung Fu Kitty** · 02-19-2009 09:32 PM

anybody who doesnt dream/fantasize or is tempted isnt real.we all do it.cheating is not a new thing either...just people have been more open mouthed about it in the past 40 years or so.if a man cheated in the 1940's the woman put up and shut up about it..nowadays,it gets talked about.a "good guy" is just as likely to cheat as a "bad guy"
sometimes they set out to do it,sometimes it just happens.you can either end the relationship,or try to move past it.but the chances of finding a mate nowadays that is 100% faithful are not good.also the person you move on with could be worse.alot of the time people will marry so they wont be alone,then get bored and try to have to other side of the fence as well.(men and women) so if your looking for the perfect fairy tale relationship... give up,you will never find it. people stuff up,its up to you to decide if you can forgive or not.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-19-2009 09:39 PM

Seriously, the more you read, the more you see it and so the more you find it outside as well.. Just like anything.

If, you weren't reading those threads, then the few that have stated this to you, outside in your "world" verses the amount that don't and that are happy, would make you see it differently.

There are good men out there, absolutely...

The problem is that people "settle" into a relationship without knowing their partners properly before doing so,

Or, one will not compromise on situations such as sex

Or, there is no communication between the parties, and consequently it fails.

Everything takes (2), not one....

And, yes, there is for sure a percentage of men, that simply don't give a bother, and will just go out and cheat behind someone's back, because they can... Again, that's their personality so are they the "bad boy" that women know to stay clear of but don't?

Lots of reasons.

Point being, no, off course they don't all cheat and if you have that viewpoint, you won't be able to have a successful relationship in life either, because you will also suspect, and therefore, cause rifs.

What will be will be.

CW

**rcoreyus** · 02-20-2009 12:04 AM

OK, this is an anonymous site so I guess it isn't bragging if no one knows who I am (is it??), and you don't need to believe me but...

I think I am a good man. After >20 years of marriage, and several years of dating I've never cheated - despite lots of motivation and opportunity.

I've never intentionally cause my wife harm, mental or physical.

I rarely complain. I never ever belittle her in person or to her friends.

In many cases (and often without her knowing) I've gone out of my way to make her happy.

I do my share of work around the house. I've never been out of a job, and my jobs have been high status and pay well.

She is beautiful, but I didn't marry her for her looks. I'm no Adonis, but I'm not horrible looking, or over weight, or un-hygenic.

I am loving and affectionate.

So - where did she "find" me? At the time I was young, shy, poor, and a sloppy dresser (hard to avoid if you can't afford nice clothes). She was friendly, and then loving. I fell in love with her.

Why did I write this - not to toot my own horn (really), but to let the original poster know that there are men who will be loving an loyal for their entire lives. I think I have friends who are better people than I am - but of course is it impossible to tell from outside .

My advice is to get to know people before you date them. Don't base your interest on obvious physical things - appearance, money, etc. Find out what sort of person they are before you are blinded by romantic feelings.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-20-2009 12:11 AM

I found a good man :-) I didn't think men like him exsisted, and since he does I know there has got to be others out there. I think that saying the squeeky wheel gets the oil can apply to how me pick our mates sometimes. While that quiet guy in the corner might be everything we need and more we pass them up for some loud obnoxious jerk that gives us nothing but headaches.

I think nice guys do get the short end of the stick way too much. We need to cherish those nice guys and oh I do cherish mine :-) I think we women need to be a lot more open to guys that aren't aggressive jerks. While those tend to be the ones ballsy enough to ask us out, we could put a freeze on them and create a nice guy revolution!! I am doing my part!!! hehe.

**bubbles** · 02-20-2009 12:19 AM

very true..... there are good men out there. I know that hearing stories of cheating spouses is scary, but thats not something to scare you into believing that there are not people whom truly want a one person relationship. The thought of someone you love cheating is a horrible feeling, but the reality is if they do or not. Men I beleive are visual and may fantisize but that doesnt make them bad, just human. Its not just men, women do that too. Relationships are commitments that take work and discipline, and are worth it.

**WildChild** · 02-20-2009 07:53 AM

There are lots of good men in the world, just as there are lots of good women. We live societies that seem to be addicted to the negative, people seem to be eager to share and spread bad news, gloom and doom. So we don't talk about the good ones! If 50% of marriages fail, then 50% succeed. If 40% of people cheat (don't know why that number jumps to mind but let's use it) then 60% don't. You don't hear about the people who make it work, who love each other and support each other and treat each other lovingly and with care.

Are there any reality shows on Good relationships? Good health? Good positive people working together to help each other succeed? I don't know, I watch very little TV but what I have seen has looked really negative. It's all seems to conflict based, only one can win so all the rest must lose. A healthier scenario would be finding a way that everyone wins. We don't foster that. I just read that in Mn they are trying to make spanking in school legal. Violence engenders more. I won't write an essay on how everytime we declare "war" on something - like drugs, the problem gets worse but negative solutions rarely achieve positive results.

Work on focusing on the positive. As you get better at it, you will attract more positive people and more positive news. Be a Pollyanna, play the Glad game, we need more of it in the world. Look for what is working, instead of what isn't. If you are a negative woman, you won't attract a positive man. If you expect to be screwed around on, you probably will be. I'm not saying be blind to reality but focus on the positive.

**2morrow** · 02-20-2009 08:18 AM

Yes, there are absolutely awesome, good, honest men out there. Don't give up, you will find one. But unfortunately, there are many who are nasty, and wouldn't think twice about cheating. In my line of work, I see many many men, who wouldn't blink about having a one nighter, a fling, whatever you want to call it. Yes, most are married, most are businessmen, who travel alot. I have been hit on more than you can count, and I am not bragging. I am just telling you, that the reality is there. One fellow, was only married 3 months, he kept putting his arms around me, rubbing my back, what do you think he wanted ! His marriage ain't gonna last, and I feel sorry for the wife.

I could tell you lots of stories, I don't mean to depress you in anyway but don't give up hope, there are great men out there.

**rcoreyus** · 02-20-2009 04:03 PM

One interesting thing about this thread - most posts seem to view "cheating" as the most important indicator of good / bad. Is that the most important issue to most people?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-20-2009 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

One interesting thing about this thread - most posts seem to view "cheating" as the most important indicator of good / bad. Is that the most important issue to most people?

Well, I think that's because that's the basis of the OP's thread..

But, personally I have been lucky it hasn't happened to me, (once when I was 17) so don't think that counts.

I think more laterally I guess, maybe because I am older? But, to me good, is "communication", bad is "non-communication"...

I definately was looking for someone who I could converse with on every level, therefore, laugh, share, explain, discuss, and therefore, all my conversations can be "discussed" including sexually, sort of makes a relationship an understanding one, of whom I am in-side, as well as out-side and whom he is in-side as well as out-side..

I don't believe there is any other safer bet, as to whether a relationship has a good chance of surviving or not..

If he doesn't want to listen, to know, then he doesn't want to grow......and so it will never grow.

CW

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