Am I way too easy? please help me.

**jo90** · 03-02-2009 05:54 PM

Alright, first I'd like to say I'm brand new to this site and I have yet to read any of the other threads. So I'm sorry if something similar has already been posted.

I would also like to say I'm eighteen years of age and I have never had a ' serious relationship' before. Yes, I've dated, but never anything long-term.

As to why I'm posting, I have just recently started 'dating' (I'm not sure one would even call it that) this guy Adam who's nineteen (I changed his name for the post) and Adam and I get along very well, we have most everything in common and nothing is forced when I'm with him, such as talking, body language, etc.

The first night we went out on a date everything went better then I hoped for, we went to a movie, we talked and just had fun. I didn't want to be too easy so I didn't kiss him that night, I simply hugged him instead. So after that night Adam text messaged me the next day saying he had fun and we need to see each other again very soon. I agreed and a couple of days later we went out for a an hour or two just driving around (which we both love to do). After we drove for a while he took me to his home where I met his step-mother, for all of two second before he brought me up to his room.

This is where the confusion starts, we start talking about this and that, then the next thing I know we're on his bed doing everything we can not to tear at each others clothes off while we make out. I couldn't stop kissing and touching him; it was insane, I've never felt that way before. I love kissing him, and the spark I feel with him is very intense. I just barely managed to say 'no' to him when he tried to put his hand down my pants. He understood and didn't question me, he didn't try to do it again, which I was grateful for. But I did go down on him... twice.

I never thought I would do something like that with a guy I hardly knew, but I did, and after when he was driving me home he kept talking about the kind of house he wants and the life he wants to build with the right girl. So, that leads me to think he wants a long-term relationship with me. He even said 'if this keeps going, I hope it never stops.' He was referring to us.

Here's what through me for a loop, he didn't call or message me for three days. So then I felt cheap and used, not to mention very angry. Once he did finally get back to me, I wanted to see how he would feel about meeting my family, he was more then up for it. (The reason I wanted Adam to meet my family was in hopes it might slow us down a little.) The next day he came over met my mother, my father and my older brother. He was great; they liked him, he liked them. After we left my place I commented on how well he did and he replies 'I have a lot of experience meeting girls' parents' which to me is like saying 'Hi, I'm a player.'

I let that thought slide not wanting to cause drama, we drove around for a while talking, joking and laughing. Then he took me to his house saying his dad wanted to meet me, I said that would be great. Once we got to his place, and after I met his dad for about five seconds he dragged me up to his room. See a pattern here? I did, but I didn't say anything. My mind was on the fence; part of me wanting to say 'lets take it slow' and the other part wanting him to take my virginity.

That night the second part won, and I felt cheap; not because of him but because of me. I felt like I let myself down somehow and he looked equally upset about it happening so fast, he said to me 'I wanted to wait for that to happen and make it worth something.'

I don't know how to explain it, but we just couldn't say no to each other. I know how that sounds, but it's the cold truth. About a week later it happened once more; the same scenes played out as before.

Adam talks to me every four or five days, I try to have a conversation with him but he will out of no where stop talking saying he has to go or just never reply to a message. I know he has a life that has nothing to do with me, but I'm just scared I made myself way too easy and now I'm seen as a booty call in his eyes. Even though he keeps talking like I'm going to meet all his friends and be around him all the time.

Am I being paranoid or am I right about being too easy?

I'm so confused, if anyone can help me out or give me some advice that would be so wonderful.

Thank you for taking the time to read my crazy ranting/strange confession.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-02-2009 07:06 PM

I don't think you were too easy, you followed your heart and emotions and let it take you where it did. His behavior of only contacting you every now and then and then picking you up and having sex is a pattern that you probably want to put a stop to if you want more than that from the relationship.

Try getting him to take you on a couple dates that don't end up at his place, make him have to put in a little bit of effort. Think of something you'd like to do, some sort of activity - dinner, another movie, a walk, miniature golf, bowling, a live music event or going out with other friends together.

You guys have made the connection in the bedroom, now is the time to see if you can develop chemistry and get along outside of it as well. If he is not willing to put in the effort to see you outside of trips to his house, you might want to reconsider going along with that unless that is what you want as well.

Don't think you blew it because you gave in, he gave in too, you both did and it isn't a bad thing at all. If he's is a normal decent guy, that wont matter one bit as you are both sexual beings and what you did was natural.

Some guys don't do telephone calls and messages very well, so don't take that as a sign of him not wanting to be with you, but once you guys develop more of a relationship you can let him know that being in contact with him more than just on the days you are going to see him is important to you and makes you happy. He will be able to accomadate that when he knows how much it means to you if he cares.

Just relax and don't freak out and don't sit and kick yourself for decisions already made, just move forward and start expecting more from him if its more that you want. A lot of guys have the tendency to only meet the bare minimum expectations you set and if you set none they wont feel the need to try.

**sourpuss** · 03-02-2009 07:06 PM

Ok, first off, don't be hard on yourself. You're an adult and you've met someone you are very physically (and otherwise) attracted to. Young gals put way too much emphasis on the importance of every physical incident with a guy. You are extremely attracted to him, you guys have chemistry in the bedroom, you have a great time talking and so you've went with how you felt a few times. No shame in that at all.

Now, if he turns out to not be taking this serious and it's just a physical relationship to him, then you're going to have to chalk it up to a lesson learned in life. You can either decide not to rush into anything in the future or you can take it for what it is worth and appreciate the great chemistry and physical experience that you had with this person.

Of course you don't want to be the girl who jumps into bed with every guy that shows her attention or she feels a connection with. But don't beat yourself up over enjoying yourself either.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-02-2009 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by sourpuss

Ok, first off, don't be hard on yourself. You're an adult and you've met someone you are very physically (and otherwise) attracted to. Young gals put way too much emphasis on the importance of every physical incident with a guy. You are extremely attracted to him, you guys have chemistry in the bedroom, you have a great time talking and so you've went with how you felt a few times. No shame in that at all.

Now, if he turns out to not be taking this serious and it's just a physical relationship to him, then you're going to have to chalk it up to a lesson learned in life. You can either decide not to rush into anything in the future or you can take it for what it is worth and appreciate the great chemistry and physical experience that you had with this person.

Of course you don't want to be the girl who jumps into bed with every guy that shows her attention or she feels a connection with. But don't beat yourself up over enjoying yourself either.

jinx you owe me a soda

**jo90** · 03-02-2009 08:20 PM

Thank you both so much!

Both of your advice was just what I needed to hear!

I think I will try and get him to go out and do something, I remember him saying something about liking bowling. So thank you for reminding me of that. I am not a big fan of bowling but it would be a step in the right direction, at least.

Also, thank you for not placing the guilt-trip on me, or any kind of shame about giving in too early, I can honestly say I'm very happy I found this site.

I forgot to ask this in my first post, does it mean anything if the person your with never say your name? I mean to say at all, Adam only calls me 'babe', 'baby' or 'hun' is that strange or just what guys do? Because I have never been with a guy that didn't use my name.

Odd question I know, but I'm new at all of this and I have no one else to talk to!

**sourpuss** · 03-02-2009 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

jinx you owe me a soda

Haha! I know! That was too funny.

**sourpuss** · 03-02-2009 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by jo90

Thank you both so much!

Both of your advice was just what I needed to hear!

I think I will try and get him to go out and do something, I remember him saying something about liking bowling. So thank you for reminding me of that. I am not a big fan of bowling but it would be a step in the right direction, at least.

Also, thank you for not placing the guilt-trip on me, or any kind of shame about giving in too early, I can honestly say I'm very happy I found this site.

I forgot to ask this in my first post, does it mean anything if the person your with never say your name? I mean to say at all, Adam only calls me 'babe', 'baby' or 'hun' is that strange or just what guys do? Because I have never been with a guy that didn't use my name.

Odd question I know, but I'm new at all of this and I have no one else to talk to!

Does he know your name? I've in all honesty forgot a person's name that I should know, that I am friends with and see on a regular basis. It has happened. But to be sleeping with someone....ehhh, not so sure about that. But it's possible he doesn't know your name. Does he use other people's names when talking to them? Or is he a perpetual nick-namer?

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-03-2009 12:46 AM

Someone juggling a few females might use affectionate terms to avoid mix ups, but I really wouldn't put any worry into that until you get to know him a little better. You guys are just dating now, and haven't brought up the conversation of only be with each other yet so you wouldn't have a cause for being upset (although it probably would hurt if he was seeing other girls, I know).

It might just be in his nature to use those terms, maybe it makes him feel like he is being reassuring to you that he likes you. We tend to overanalyze everything a guy does and doesn't do when we are first dating and not everything has a meaning, they generally don't think so deeply about those little details like we do.

**jo90** · 03-03-2009 01:09 AM

Hmm, good points from both of you. At first I thought he was naming me like that because he had more then just me to be keeping around. But the thing is we first met on Myspace (strange I know) and it says 'Jo' right there.

Wait, he did use my name once before, talking to his friend Jack on the phone, telling Jack he can't come over because 'Jo is with me right now' but he has yet to use it in the bedroom or any time after that, mind you he said that on the first and so far only real date we have had.

He also told me he was really bad at remembering names, but that was only because he had forgotten my older brothers name. So I got that.

I know I'm over-analyzing every thing, I just like this guy (and with me that's a first) so I'm trying not to mess things up. You know, 'being the perfect girl'?

Sorry for being in 'question everything mode' but at the moment I have no one I can go to with any of this and I bow down to any and all that help me in any way.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-03-2009 01:56 AM

I am guilty of over-analyzing things to a point myself but I've adopted a way of thinking that has trully set me free in so many ways. And that is that I can worry and make myself sick with all the what if's in the world and that won't change a thing. Not. A. Single. Thing.

I've decided that I will be happy with how good my boyfriend makes me feel and quit worrying about what might happen if he meets someone else, if he falls out of love/interest, because those are things I am powerless to stop.

I can only be myself, love him, listen to him and treat him like a good man deserves to be treated. If that ends up not being enough, there is no more that I can do.

I think of all my good qualities, all the things about myself that makes him LUCKY to have me in his life

And tell myself , hey self.. you are quite the catch, if he decides your not who he wants to be with - your life will go on, and it will. If he realizes how special you are he will stay, and he will be himself, love you, listen to you and treat you like a good woman deserves to be treated. So have fun, enjoy it and don't sweat that which you can do nothing about anyway!

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