i like a gay/bi guy and i need some help

imported_bonsy · 11-28-2006 10:45 PM

Hi, I'm recently separated and I met this adorable guy "mike" about a month ago. I've heard that he is gay, and to be quite honest, I've pretty much picked up on it. Actually, I think he's bi-sexual. But keep in mind MIke would never ever admit to it. I really don't have a problem with it, but I'm so sad. We've hung out several times and each time it was so much fun. I let him know early on that I am very attracted to him and enjoy his company. I can tell he was very attracted to me to and liked me too. The situation is this. It appears that he either has a boyfriend or lover who is very controlling. My sister had been friends with this guy "mike" for 4 years. She told me that "mike" has all of his friends meet his out of the closet best freind "john". SHe's even met him. I've never met John but I am friends with one of his exboyfreinds. The ex told me that he is very controlling of his partners and yes he in fact must approve of all of his partners friends. 3 times that I hung out with "mike" he called "john" and asked him to come hang out and meet me. John would not hang out with us. I think it's "mike"'s way of letting "john" know that nothing is going on. John did not want to meet me. Anyhow, mike continued to hang out with me, we even had sex, which was GREAT! A few days later there was a domestic situation that Mike was brought into because my ex-husband saw us hanging out and threatened Mike. I assured him I would never let anything happen to him, and I totally wigged out on my ex. Within the next few days, Mike called me and told me he could no longer talk to me. He is not a homewrecker and so on and so forth. I do understand that. And I feel so horrible it's not even funny. But I also think it has something to do with his friend JOhn. Recently I saw a posting he made on a site and he put down that he is Divorced and GAy. I'm so sad. He's such a doll. He won't take any calls from me and I don't know if it's that he has a lover, or he's upset that I"m in the middle of a divorce and thinks I'm out to use him. Sorry this posting is so long, there is just so much detail. Any help would be appreciated. I don't know what I could do to make this better and I don't know what he thinks.

imported_Nygirl5885 · 11-29-2006 09:15 AM

well this is a tough one. well from the beginning you knew that he was bisexual and he had a boyfriend. the more you found out about him it seems that the more curious you became. you technically are still married and still going through all the motions of the separation/divorce. all i can say is that if he is going to stop talking to you then let it be. ask yourself "who am i to change something he has had for 4 years?" has he mentioned to you that he wants to get out of that relationship? has he said that he wants something with you? you like or lust him? are you healed from your own situation?

i would say to you to not pressure him and see what happens. see if he calls you again. see if he looks for your friendship. everything great starts at a friendhsip. be there for him maybe he is going through something that you don't know about and doesn't want to get you involved. there are many factors to think about. but don't just jump into something so quick. he already cheated on his current man ... if something does happen to evolve with the two of you would you be able to trust him?

girl think a lot before you act so that you don't end up commiting mistakes that don't put yourself in a better situation. and don't make decions too often based on a moments emotion. because unfortunately the heart is the first that can decieve you.

good luck to you!!

**bowling mom** · 12-01-2006 07:36 PM

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with the last posting. My advice to you is RUN and run far because you will never win this mans heart. A guy who calls himself bi-sexual is a man in denial, and they will never totally commit to a women no matter how much they say they like them. I've seen it many times. Don't waste your time or heart on this one, there is a straight one out there who will love you and only you. Good luck

**Stealthkitty** · 12-01-2006 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by bowling mom

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with the last posting. My advice to you is RUN and run far because you will never win this mans heart. A guy who calls himself bi-sexual is a man in denial, and they will never totally commit to a women no matter how much they say they like them. I've seen it many times. Don't waste your time or heart on this one, there is a straight one out there who will love you and only you. Good luck

I agree. Sorry.

imported_kaylar · 12-01-2006 08:33 PM

He is Gay, he will never be your man.
He might 'fad' with you, but he'll be
with another man...

Just walk away.
Or run.

imported_bonsy · 12-11-2006 08:19 PM

hey girls, thanks for all of your info. i probably didnt specify myself in my original posting, but i actually did not want him as my boyfriend. i dont need one right now. i really just wanted him for sex. it's incredible. i really could care less that he has sex with men. but since my original posting, we've gone back to just hangin and stuff and it's great. my situation actually worked out on its own. usually that doesnt happen to me.
thanks again,

imported_kaylar · 12-11-2006 09:17 PM

Gay or so-called bi-sexual men are quite dangerous.
Firstly, they usually can put out all the most wonderful
traits, and then, when you're hooked, leave you in a
flash.

I can think of a lot of women who have broken their
own hearts because they think they can 'cure' him.

**Orallybi** · 12-22-2006 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by bonsy

hey girls, thanks for all of your info. i probably didnt specify myself in my original posting, but i actually did not want him as my boyfriend. i dont need one right now. i really just wanted him for sex. it's incredible. i really could care less that he has sex with men. but since my original posting, we've gone back to just hangin and stuff and it's great. my situation actually worked out on its own. usually that doesnt happen to me.
thanks again,

I prefer to have a relationship with a woman.. and if she's a bi woman
then we both share the same basic needs.. to enjoy sexuality

Some women love to be with a man who's bi... especially if he's orally bi
it turns her on and makes her very aroused... and he can be a better
lover for her since he knows what's it's like to do oral on a man
and he's more considerate. I have found that many couples have a
lady that wish her husband or partner was bi....

I think couples who can share like that are very happy.... as I have
seen couples and enjoyed them as well.

I'd love to meet a lady who likes a man to be orally bi .. cause that means
he's very oral.. and women tend to appreciate a man who is very oral...
and gives pleasures in special ways.

I believe bi women make better lovers if they have a deep love for being
with a guy and like to enjoy a woman ocassionally...

Often BI is misinterpreted to mean only 'same sex'... but it's real meaning
is 'both'

The best part about bi.. is when it's applied as 'recreational sexuality'
and the relationship is a primary male-female relationship...

Love to meet a lady who agrees.. as I'm sure there are women who are
bi and would like a man who also understands this about her....
Some men intimidate a bi women because they only think about having
2 women.. when it's special for a woman to trust and have a special man
in her life who understands and appreciates the beauty of her bisexuality
as well as her being interested in being the primary person in his life and
sharing his bisexuality.

**businessbee** · 06-02-2007 11:07 PM

...just think of what he does to other men...and what they do to him.
That's enough to turn me off!!

You're just into him for a rebound...

Find someone else, straight and all that other stuff we want in men

**NoDenialHere** · 06-23-2007 03:22 PM

Why can women be bisexual, but men HAVE to be gay?

There seems to be a huge disconnect in peoples minds. Bi-sexual does not equal gay. Yes, being gay includes homosexuality. But "gay" is more than who you like to have sex with. Gay involves the desire to love and love one of the same sex. Homosexual means you like to touch and be touched by only another of the same sex. Bisexual = like to be with anyone. When it comes down to it, oral sex is oral sex...does it matter if it is a guys tongue or a girls tongue? If you were blindfolded and someone was going down on you, you would enjoy it. Only when you know it is someone of the same sex, when you "think" about it instead of just feeling, does it suddenly become an issue.

Some of the most committed people in relationships I know are bisexual (men and women). My husband and I are bisexual and we have been married for over 15 years, have 3 kids and are totally in love. He is only "orally bi", i.e., he likes oral sex with guys, but only has intercourse with women. (Yes, we are swingers.) He is repulsed by the idea of anal sex (giving or receiving.) Just as I enjoy being with, but in no way would fall in love with a woman, he likes men but loves me. To us, sex is sex, love is love and they are 2 separate things. Haven't you ever had sex with someone that you knew there was no chance in **** you would ever (or would ever want to) fall in love with...you just enjoyed the sex?