Iseulda

OK - so what exactly do you want us to say?

You're happy. You're not even considering stopping the affair. What is it you want from us?

misshannah

An insight.

Like, imagine if I was a close friend...what would be your words of wisdom or advice?
What exactly is it that would always stop you from entering a relationship with someone married even if you are infact in love with him?

OGFL

hate to break it to you but a guy will cheat on a perfectly good relationship if he can get away with it .

amaranthine

This is the single-most ONLY reason you should break it off with him. You don't want people to judge you, but how is any decent person supposed to listen to that and not feel very, very strongly? How would you feel if you were that wife and your husband was cheating on you constantly, and that the girl he was cheating with could care less about you?
I'm nineteen years old, and I've had three relationships. One for a year, one for three years, and my current one, which is going on three months. The first relationship ended because of cheating. The second one ended because of verbal abuse. I do not tolerate cheating and abuse. Any woman who respects herself and those around her does not tolerate those kinds of behaviors. Why do you?

I'm just going to come out and say it. I think you're being an awful, selfish, foolish young person and you need to grow up. There is no happy ending for the situations you put yourself in with these married men. The second you find out a guy is married, you should back off. No second thought about it. But you're not. Why is that? Why can't you respect the time and effort someone has put into what has become a marriage?
In all honesty, I'm shocked your friends haven't stepped in and told you to straighten out, or even disowned you for acting this way. I would never let someone I cared about go down this road that you've chosen for yourself.

I think you're being extremely immature. You're happy right now, so you don't think about what could happen in the future with this risky, incredibly wrong relationship. You don't think about the wife, you don't think about what kind of man he must be to even THINK about cheating on his wife, and you certainly don't think about what doing this says about YOU.
You need to do some serious thinking and re-evaluate yourself. Continuing on the road you're on now will do nothing positive for you, but instead turn you into the kind of woman that people like me hate.

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misshannah

Than thats not a good marriage. If he wants to cheat it means he is not in love with his wife (at least not in the way he should be)...

Not saying that the wife is to blame. I'm aware that in 90% of men's infidelity it's his fault.

amaranthine

The fact that he's married would stop me. You need to learn how to respect that boundary. It seems right now that you currently have no respect for boundaries at all. You just take what you want. It's incredibly immature.

"But I'm in love with him" is NEVER a good enough reason to date a married man. NEVER.

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amaranthine

No... 100% of the time it's ALWAYS HIS FAULT. No one is holding a gun to his head and forcing him to cheat. It's HIS DECISION to do something wrong. No one else's.

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misshannah

It's ok, I appreciate honesty and opinion. Thats why I posted here in the first place.

First off - I don't tolerate verbal abuse definitely. He never said a bad word to me... I don't tolerate cheating if the relationship is exclusive. I'm currently seeing only him and I know that of course due to the fact that he is married he is in a way cheating on me. But somehow I have no problem with that because I also feel like I have the freedom to be someone else but I chose not to be...my choice.

And yes, ofcourse the position of a mistress is selfish, the same as the position of an adulterer. He was the one eho put time and effort into that relationship and into that marriage. That was him...and if he doesn't respect that then I can't have respect for that either, you know?

With the first guy I felt guitly I said that already... we both felt guilty. And I don't understand why the situation is so different with him than it is now?
Oh with him , it wasn't a bad ending. Not for me and I believe it wasn't for them...their marriage was actually on the rocks and both him and me believed that it was actually best for both of them.

Nope, my friends haven't said anything to me about it... in fact they've actually met him and like him.

And I do think about what kind of man he is when he's cheating on his wife... he's a great guy who made a mistake by marrying her. He told me once how much he was actually drowning in his marriage to her...how bad it was.

I'm not a heartless person. Currently I'm thinking with my heart, not my head and thats what gets me into these things....recklessness.

Hopeless Dork

I can understand how you can feel like if there wasn't already a problem with their marriage he wouldn't have sought you out and in a way I think that is true.

But how can that make you feel when your relationship is a bi-product of him going through a bad time in his marriage and not him just genuinly interested in being with you. He's able to seperate his life into 2 neat categories , you are part of his vacation from home. If he goes to another town, whats to "morally" stop him from setting up a third , a fourth or more 'home away from homes'. Its rather sociopathic behavior if you asked me. The whole split personality seperate lives thing.

I also think mistress' stuff their brain sometimes with so much denial of what is going on their lovers home, and feed into all the things they gas them up with. "I don't love her". Oh I'd bet dollars to donuts he tells her that he does, and makes her feel loved or she would be long gone. "We don't have sex". They say that to make you feel even more wanted and needed and to not make you jealous of the majority of the time when they are at home.

Trust that they are having sex, they are laying in each others arms at night, waking up to breakfast. Talking about their vacations and stock portfolios and dinner with the Robinsons next week etc. etc.

I think some men can carry on an affair because they know its their wife they love and feel like having a little extra something on the side is keeping them young and virile. Its selfish and they are really loving no one but themselves. And getting away with that and being rewarded for it. Not by the wife, who doesn't know. Guess what? If she knew he was sleeping with you - she wouldn't reward him. She'd likely leave him and take all of his stuff.

You, on the other hand, are fully aware of his selfish nature and you don't care, and that is totally fine too.

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

Hopeless Dork

In interest of full disclosure, I have never been married or had a husband that had an affair on me or something. My parents are still together (35 years) and I've never known my father to have an affair.

I have been the mistress when I was in my late teens and wasn't able to logic how I was just being used.

I am currently in a committed relationship with all of the highs and lows that come with any couple , 99% highs I might add I am so in love with him and couldn't imagine sharing him with a wife and seeing him only a couple times a month and being unable to go to his home and share his entire life, only bits of it he allows.

But I realise that my needs are not your needs and we all need different things to feel okay. If you are feeling okay that is really what is most important, especially if you are able to rationalise away any guilt you may have. Life is about experiences. Some lessons are to be learned for each and every one of us, constantly.

People can sit here and tell you they have seen this all before and that you are not a special snowflake and that he isn't going to leave his wife, your feelings are going to continue to grow and that you will be left empty handed in the end. Or worse. He leaves his wife, you win him over only to a few years down the road find yourself in her position. Or constantly living in the fear of becoming her. Your life is yours to live, your choices are yours to make and your lessons are your own to learn.

I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your journey

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein