Yeah, I consider that cheating. But ladies, (sorry, but I have to say this) I see the guys that go to strip clubs LOSERS. Why? They just go there, get hard and what? Go home, masturbate on their own - a bunch of losers, aren't they? Maybe, strippers are thinking, come and give me your money...then, "go home, loser!"
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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Yes you are absoultly right, to be honest I never thought of it from a womans point of view. Like I mentioned before, I went when I was single so there was no one to give me a hard time about it, so it never registered with me..Thanks..Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork
Probably about 6 months ago I got really fed up with it and told him I was leaving, right away he said he would compromise but he didn’t say he would stop going. At that time he told me he needed a place to whined down sometimes with the guys and or by himself, and his answer to the compromise was he wouldn't go so much and I was "aloud" to go out if I wanted. I just don't get why he needs to whined down at a strip club.
I agree with everyones point of view on it being cheating. Back when I told him I was going to leave him I had asked him if he was getting lap dances and he said no...and something along the lines of its a waste of money and I asked him another time and he said “why would I do that so you can leave me?” (this was a while ago) But I can't help to think a girl could give him one on the house and he would take it. I am starting to think a lot of the things I am feeling are my own insecurities. But I do need to talk to him about how he rubs it in my face and what not. I just don't want to bring it up out of no where or while he is doing it in front of his friends, I don't want to come off as being the bi*** girlfriend. I guess I don't know how to handle it other than getting upset.
oh and we live together, no kids yet.
I agree with you that any guy who goes to a strip club is a loser. But my boyfriend (way before me) has had a couple of girlfriends that were strippers and he has taken strippers home before. It's so gross I hate thinking about it. He has told me it's just as easy to take a girl home from the strip club as it is from any club.Yeah, I consider that cheating. But ladies, (sorry, but I have to say this) I see the guys that go to strip clubs LOSERS. Why? They just go there, get hard and what? Go home, masturbate on their own - a bunch of losers, aren't they? Maybe, strippers are thinking, come and give me your money...then, "go home, loser!"
But why would he tell me things like that if he planned on doing it to me?? right??
Mandy the more you talk about the things he says to you, the more I think he is the one who is insecure. He seems to WANT to try to take you down some notches and make himself seem like he's more important or attractive to other women than he thinks YOU think.
Know what I mean? Why why why would a guy that frequents strip clubs, tell his gf that hes taken strippers home before? To make her feel BETTER about him going? Either he is not the brightest bulb, likes drama or is trying to make you insecure... because he himself is feeling insecure.
Maybe he thinks you are out of his league and is constantly trying to prove to you he is worthy but is going about it bootaybackwards.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Just wanted to add:
I have friends that are dancers, and they are just girls... just like us... they are insecure too, have emotional issues and are looking for love as much as anyone else is. Most avoid trying to find it from patrons because many lack respect for patrons... and don't WANT the kind of guy that comes in pays for what they do.
But sure there is the possibility that they feel an attraction to a guy, they are people too (the dancers) and err in caution and go home with one here or there. Its not typical, and usually the relationships don't mix well as jealousy going both ways comes into play over them being a customer.
My close dancer friend has told me NOT to date guys that frequent clubs, even though she met her husband while dancing for him (she knew him before he came into the club and just reconnected there). And she also told me, when I told her I wouldn't get mad about a guy going to a BDay party or something rare there... she said BDAY parties are the WORST. That the dancers really "show out" for special events like these and do give lots of gratutous lap dances etc.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
Hopeless Dork,
I see what you mean, my best friend has told me in the past just what you have said to me (pretty exact actually). She says that I think he is attractive of course but she doesn't nor does she see many other girls thinking so. He is always feeling the need to tell me how women want him so bad and I guess because I hear it so much I was really starting to think it. I think him trying to make me insecure is really working. and not that you can really compare a guys attractiveness to a girl but if you could I'd be the hotter one lol. And now that I think about it when we first started dating he used to tell me how cocky I was and ever since then I have been getting lower and lower. He has even told me that I have turned more heads than any girl he has ever been with. It is really starting to make sense now. I would have never found any of this out if I hadn't posted this, I am so glad I did! Thank you everyone!
So I guess I should try to act like it doesn't bother me right? That’s what my original plan was, it is just really really hard to do.
I think the way you are reacting is exactly what he intended. If he thought you were "cocky" before... it probably worried him, and you being hotter than he thinks he could pull.. probably makes him afraid of losing you. A lot of guys in this situation will point out flaws, and try to make the girl feel low about herself when there is no reason.
They hope that by lowering her self esteem , it decreases the chances of her thinking she deserves better... Since he called you cocky, he knows you already know you have the looks, so what can he do to make you insecure? Oh yes, show how much of a catch he is to other females... but wait ! When you guys are walking down the street.. girls arent flagging him down or checking him out in the obvious ways guys are doing to you so how how how can he do this? STRIPPERS... thats how
I don't know how to handle it, ignoring it might make him push further to try to get your attention and worry up. I'd not let it bother you on the inside, and not act crazy to him about it either.. but keep it somewhere in the middle.... playful jealous perhaps?
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
LOL yeah I don't think I have ever seen a girl yell how hot he is (or even check him out) in front of me like men do to me right in front of him. I never thought about that. Good call.
He does sometimes get into moods where he feels like he has to point out everything physically "wrong" with me, and I tend to get upset which I know is what he wants. My boyfriend really isn't a horrible person, I think everyone has to deal with something in there relationship mine just probably happens to be a little worse than others. Or atleast thats what it seems.
I was afriad that by acting like I didn't care at all it would just make him do it more, but I guess if I stay in the middle, act a little jealous he will know I still care and I won't be a psycho girlfriend. Sounds like a plan.
Is this really how you wanted to be treated though? If I were you, I'd think long and hard about whether or not this is the type of guy you want to be with. If it's not, then move on and don't waste any more time. Trust me. I wasted all of my 20's in a relationship that was doomed to fail. It's not worth trying to make it work if it's not someone you're 100% sure you're willing to be with forever. Life is extremely short.
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