Is not being outgoing a flaw? - Page 2

**ItsASecret** · 05-18-2009, 12:20 AM

I too can relate to this. There is nothing more frightening to me than being the center of attention. Personally every bit of my uncomfortability stems from low self esteem. I know that I am not as 'hot' as the girls in the bar, not as pretty as the average girl in the mall wearing a sun dress and flip flops, and not physically attractive like most women at my age (early 20's) are. However my boyfriend still continually says he loves me so I approach situations in a logical sense, I do what I can with what I have. If I am at the bar with my boyfriend and his buddies he will know I want the (insert word here) out of there but I will smile, laugh, and engage in the situation to the best of my abilities. I do these things to at least give it a shot and not shoot everything about it down. I do not drink to the point of being drunk, I do not dance, and I am not social so he knows what my boundaries are. I trust him to know what my limits are and if he makes fun of me or tries to push me into something that he knows I am not okay with I will literally walk out of whatever we are doing just to prove the point that it takes a lot for me to be in the situation to begin with. With being social, everything I do I do it for him, not so much for me because if I start to think about the situation I will want to leave even more.

What you should do is just talk to him about how you feel in situations. Let him know the type of situation you would could see yourself in, and set limits and boundaries. You shouldn't have to become the center of attention nor should you feel embarrassed so let him know exactly what you think. When he comes at you with the "stupid irrational fears" tell him you can understand his opinion on it but that yours differs and you would like for him to respect your side of things even if he disagrees. Not every woman fits into that idealistic outgoing character that most men desire and he should accept that.

dontwantthistoend · 06-26-2009, 10:46 AM

i have the same problem as far as interacting with new people. my boyfriend keeps telling me to just let go, open up, and be more social but not because he is trying to change me, he wants me to be happy and spend time with me.

try taking small steps- play cranium one week, the next week try to make a new friend at work or something.

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05-18-2009, 12:20 AM	#11
ItsASecret Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 276	I too can relate to this. There is nothing more frightening to me than being the center of attention. Personally every bit of my uncomfortability stems from low self esteem. I know that I am not as 'hot' as the girls in the bar, not as pretty as the average girl in the mall wearing a sun dress and flip flops, and not physically attractive like most women at my age (early 20's) are. However my boyfriend still continually says he loves me so I approach situations in a logical sense, I do what I can with what I have. If I am at the bar with my boyfriend and his buddies he will know I want the (insert word here) out of there but I will smile, laugh, and engage in the situation to the best of my abilities. I do these things to at least give it a shot and not shoot everything about it down. I do not drink to the point of being drunk, I do not dance, and I am not social so he knows what my boundaries are. I trust him to know what my limits are and if he makes fun of me or tries to push me into something that he knows I am not okay with I will literally walk out of whatever we are doing just to prove the point that it takes a lot for me to be in the situation to begin with. With being social, everything I do I do it for him, not so much for me because if I start to think about the situation I will want to leave even more. What you should do is just talk to him about how you feel in situations. Let him know the type of situation you would could see yourself in, and set limits and boundaries. You shouldn't have to become the center of attention nor should you feel embarrassed so let him know exactly what you think. When he comes at you with the "stupid irrational fears" tell him you can understand his opinion on it but that yours differs and you would like for him to respect your side of things even if he disagrees. Not every woman fits into that idealistic outgoing character that most men desire and he should accept that.

06-26-2009, 10:46 AM	#12
dontwantthistoend Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chicago Posts: 7	i have the same problem as far as interacting with new people. my boyfriend keeps telling me to just let go, open up, and be more social but not because he is trying to change me, he wants me to be happy and spend time with me. try taking small steps- play cranium one week, the next week try to make a new friend at work or something.