amaranthine

I'm not a very outgoing person. I've always had trouble meeting new people. I'm awkward in social situations where I don't know most of the people I'm with (ex. boyfriend's friends). I'm uncomfortable being put on the spot, as in acting things out, or singing.
This bothers my boyfriend. He says I'm not reacting to these situations correctly, that I'm being illogical. For example, we were playing Cranium with some of his friends one day, and I wasn't feeling comfortable acting out the performer cards. I told him it was because I feel stupid doing things like that, and it makes me feel worse in the situation. He gets mad at me for worrying about what he considers "stupid irrational fears".
He says that worrying that he or his friends will judge me is dumb, because their opinions aren't going to change over looking dumb acting things out. I understand that, but I simply don't like doing it. I don't see why I should have to suddenly like doing things I never liked doing before just because he thinks my reasons for not doing them are stupid.

What do you think?

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rcoreyus

Being reserved is a personality trait, not a flaw. If you want to be more outgoing, you can work on it. There are a lot of situations where being outgoing is to your advantage, but that doesn't mean it is something you need to do. Long ago I was very shy, and have gradually become more outgoing. I find it makes me happier, but that may not apply to everyone.

Hopeless Dork

I use to be just like you, I was so afraid of looking rediculous that I preferred to sit in the corner and observe and watch other people having fun. The thought of standing up in front of people freaked me out to panic attack proportions.

He should be understanding and accept where you are at right now with social situations as it may be that you always feel that way. I hope for your sake though that you let go and learn to laugh at yourself and be a participator in life rather than just the audience member.

I spent so much time worrying what people would think of me that I let that inhibit my chance at fun. I'd watch girls sing horrible , HORRIBLE karoke while everyone cheered on , everyone having a good time and wonder why I couldnt just let go. Finally, and it was really an overnight thing , I just decided to stop watching and start doing. Anything. Dancing in front of people, singing, asking loud questions. I didn't let my inabilities and insecurity stop me from at least trying.. if even to make a fool of myself.

I am enjoying life so much more, and I think the people in my life are enjoying ME more too now that I am comfortable with me. I already know I am gonna spill a drink on myself, I know I am probably going to laugh so hard I might snort, I know I am going to start a conversation and lose track of what I initially wanted to say and ramble into oblivion trying to save face. And I don't care.

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

CHANDLERS WISH

Your boyfriend is probably trying to "loosen you up" so that you can enjoy what they do, but is that not trying to "change you?"...

You don't have to like Drama and Singing, it's obviously not your make up...

I think you are correct, he should accept you for who you are.. It's very different to smile at you and say come on babe, give it a go, another thing to "get mad" at you for it.

That's his frustration of what "he" wants......

As Corey said, if "you want to" become more outgoing, then that's up to you.

And I agree with Hopeless Dork, it's great to laugh at yourself and lighten yourself up a little, but that doesn't mean you have to be on "stage", rather know that silly things we do sometimes, are well funny.....

CW

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caterpillar79

Try to be more open to new things. I am absolutely, positively an introvert and I's rather sulk in a corner and be in my own world. I would smile, but timidly and talk when asked a question. I was never the kind of person who opens up conversations nor want to prolong them. I am referred to by my BF as weird and geek - I don't care (I'm glad he loves that in me! lol!). But what I have is openness to things I haven't tried.

Maybe, you are just very very shy. You have to try to open up and be not afraid to be laughed at. It might be because of some childhood experiences that made you this way, or it's just the way you're wired - period!

I can't elaborate so much, but I recommend you read: Introvert POWER by Laurie Helgoe, PhD. She is a psychologist, and in this book she described the different ways people are introverted, and explains how we can make this our strengths. This might help you. I am in the process of reading it. (It actually is my reading assignment - a gift from my BF). LOL! Take care, sweetie!

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kms

Being introverted IS an in-born personality trait that we can't change or control, at least according to psychologists and social science researchers. However, being introverted doesn't mean feeling uncomfortable with yourself or having the inability to express yourself, and shouldn't be used as a cover for our own insecurities or weaknesses. Being introverted simply means that you are comfortable with silence, that you need to think over and understand something fully before being able to talk about it (vs extroverts who need to talk things out in order to understand them). And no, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Philosophically speaking, many positive things have been said about those who are comfortable with silence and who don't talk much... and typically (being an introvert myself), people really listen and take notice when you say something, since it's something that may not happen as often and is therefore more meaningful.

Yet, feeling uncomfortable with yourself isn't related to being introverted - but is more related to your self-esteem and other issues that may be going on. It would certainly be worth exploring what reasons are causing you feel uncomfortable acting something out in front of others. Just as an example, even though I'm pretty introverted, I'm fine with acting out things in front of others because I find it easier to put on a show than reveal my true self. You may want to really sit down and think about all the things that you are uncomfortable with, and analyze what might be truly causing your discomfort. Is it because you don't have a very good opinion of yourself? Is it because you want to mask certain (perceived) weaknesses, and these activities highlight them? Once you figure this out, you can begin to address the real issues. And also just to add, practice makes perfect. If you aren't used to acting things out or doing certain things, it will be weird and uncomfortable. But don't give up: just keep trying and it will get easier and easier.

WildChild

It's unfortunate that your bf isn't more supportive. This can be a difficult thing to overcome when you feel pressured. Try visualizing yourself doing things that you aren't comfortable with. Some of us never get comfortable with some things, I sing along with the radio in my car and can really get into it but I wouldn't enjoy doing karoke. Just not me. You may be limiting yourself but only you can change that and other;s pressuring you probably won't help it. Talk to him about it and then work on little changes? See how it feels?

amaranthine

Thanks to everyone for your advice and comments! It's really given some insight.

The other day my bf and I were sitting outside in the grass, and he just turns to me and tells me to go run around a tree and then come back. I think this is an odd request, so I ask why, and he just says, "because, just do it." I don't really feel like doing it, it seems pointless and silly, so I say no. To which, he says, "there's no reason not to, you shouldn't care about someone watching you." So I think about it, and after a moment I get up and do it. Directly after this, he asks me to chase a bunny that happened to be eating near the flagpole, and then told me to jump around in a circle. I protested all of these things, and honestly only attempted them for a short period of time. I felt kinda stupid, but I know what he's trying to do...
It's just difficult. I have a mental block or something that makes it hard to stand up and even consider doing something where someone is watching me.

But perhaps it'll get better. I rather not feel uncomfortable at every turn.

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Haven

I just read Hopeless Dork's success story and it's perfect. You'll have a lot more fun if you're willing to get silly and wild every once in a while.

The only thing I can add is to start small if you need to, like singing-in-the-shower-when-no-one's-around small. Getting comfortable with yourself and relaxing your inhibitions is something you have to do on your own terms. When your boyfriend asked you to run around the park, he didn't know he was putting you under a lot of pressure.

WildChild

You might want to read up on HSPs - Highly Sensitive People. Learning more about it really helped me. About 10% of all sentient populations are HSPs and they are vital to a groups survival but we can tend to be selfconscious because we are so hyper aware.