sm0kx

Hello. It's not been too long since I wrote this thread here: http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...-opinions.html

Details are in the thread I linked, it is somewhat skimmable. May be difficult to comment here without doing so I apologise for not being concise on the situation.

This isn't the only site I posted and found some really good unbiased advice, but it has been a while and nothing has changed! Note: He is still stuck out there, yet to re-apply for a visa since being deported because he lacks funds and the economy isn't great. He hasn't removed me from either FB account nor changed the blank relationship status from December, or deleted me anywhere else [except msn or skype -_-] and seems to be keeping busy from what I can see, but no we've had no contact. I've noticed atypical (moody-ish) lyrics on his statuses/msn, and the odd irritability still visible. He's really not himself, and I think he knows as much. I decided to go no-contact because it would be more genuine if he initiates contact, and everyone agrees. So I simply won't.

If he were planning to, he especially had an excuse to delete me a while ago when a crazy so-called friend of mine (who added him last year) was somewhat mean to him on one of his FB statuses. She has told me she never talks to him, though he informed me back in December that my friends [referring to this girl and our only mutual friend] were "putting their pressure on what we have between us". He should be smart enough to know I wouldn't put her up to anything, so I hope she hasn't betrayed my trust by speaking to him although I already told her not to and she blatantly did there ; it certainly won't help me.

- It was bad enough when I withdrew phone intimacy (eventually deciding if we weren't "proper" why give that bonus) and my "ex" contacted me, and despite telling my boy I'd not reply, I eventually did. Then around Valentines day I wrote one of those silly emotional complain-y email "letters" to my boy who in response said to me those 'feedbacks' only push him away... etc. He seemed to sharply pull away after a few additional arguments over IM and then when finding out I'd replied to the ex, who I am over. The rest is in that link, but anyway...


I guess there is no pre-defined time for someone to start talking to you again after such built-up chaos, right? I also think maybe he won't do so until/unless he's back here in the UK. We weren't good at talking online with the pressures of a relationship to maintain and issues that really can't be dealt with even over a telephone line. There were a lot of miscommunications and it's such a complex situation, and he's likely the most stubborn man I've ever known. Seemed to cloud how good we are together, and (as he said) stifled the affection he held towards me.


Was thinking of sending money to him [somehow anon] towards getting home, which I should have perhaps [openly] done while we were still together. A friend talked sense into me. He would no doubt find it irritating and it might spark his odd testosterone thing/aversion-to-help (Gotta love men with mother issues eh?) ; and that he's most likely separating himself from the situation right now. She's very smart with these things, and thinks I'm not being logical. e.g. "He would have spoken to me by now..." -me. "Not necessarily. People are different. Just because you would have by now doesn't mean he'd have." but I don't even know.

I've left a brief admission of understanding my behaviour/etc on a site he knows I "ramble" and post regularly on, but he's yet to check it since my ex's returning there mid Jan. :S


So I'm not sure why I am posting this but I miss him terribly. Can't think how he'd even approach me. If he does speak to me sooner/later, I'm trying to get my head straight so I won't be too angry or too weak to say the right things. My communication skills aren't great in the heat of a moment, too aggressive if I'm scorned and too meek if I'm worried. So think of me as having adhd.

I'm also aware that I come across as clingy/etc, but really, when you have all these plans with someone and are both really into each other, situations like this are understandably stressful. We kinda got dealt a bad hand.

A friend told me this: "Give him time to get his head out of his . If he loves you as much as he said and showed then he WILL eventually come around. Best advice I can give is - give him time to miss you. Don't try to make him miss you, but just go a while without talking. He will eventually come around."

dr.mansview

your friends advice was good..a wise man (or woman) once said.."if you love someone let them go, if they come back to you they're yours..if they don't, then they never were.."

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a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

sm0kx

Sorry to bump this.
He hasn't gotten in touch still, but I was surprised to notice he'd logged into a forum site he knows I am regular on. At least twice over a few days last week, having not logged in since the beginning of the year even before our fallout. This means he's probably seen my blog where a few months back I left an entry explaining my odd behaviour. But nothing has come of it. :S It wasn't negative like other ones I used to write.

It strikes me as odd that he's logging in! I don't get it. I wondered what anyone thought of it. Maybe it's meaningless though - I know. Just strikes me as a good thing.
(It's just a bit frustrating that he gave silent treatment for almost a week, a few times, early this year, after "fights". Then these months of silence and suddenly he is snooping on the site he joined last year because of my being a regular on there, knowing full well it's where I tend to put thoughts/etc. I feel slightly spied on, it's odd. I did hope he would log on but I really miss him.)

At least he has a job now but other than that he seems untouched by all this. Guess it'd be hard to tell either way. He's such a practical person.
Argh. I know I'm overthinking this. Just still missing him and irked by all this silly fallout and silence bs.

CHANDLERS WISH

It is" if you love someone set them free, if they come back then they are yours, if they don't they never were"..

I have said this many a time.. xx

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if truth were to be told

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you must believe!

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CHANDLERS WISH

I filed for Divorce, same thing, all of a sudden things left in my letterbox, or text messages want me to? But we are tied into business so when I ask it seems no reply.. a continual power?

No man, no man likes to lose....

They will always be curious and try to win...

What do you want out of this?

CW

__________________
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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sm0kx

Well I guess I hope it's a sign he's still thinking of me and will talk to me once he's back home. Or just that he misses me too.

We have such a huge history together as I described in my linked thread.

dr.mansview

you are right CW..it is 'set them free" not "let them go"..i knew that..brain was not yet awake i assume..

__________________
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

OhThereYouAre

I'm a male, by the way.

Stories like this never cease to amaze me.
You need to move on.

He hasn't talked to you in months? That means that he doesn't really care.

Don't kid yourself into thinking that things he does online are signs to you. If he wanted to continue the relationship he would tell you, not send smoke signals and hope you get the message.

The more you cling to this guy and E-stalk him, the more you are going to push him away.

Seriously...I know its hard, but let him go and move on. By sticking around you are just inviting abuse into the mix, for he will use you as long as you make yourself usable.

sm0kx

It was seriously weird him going onto that site though, several times for the first time since early year. He doesn't even use it, never has. I haven't said anything to him all this time, and yes it's been just over three months since he emailed me, but I just left him on the lists he didn't remove me from and that's that.

I guess you're right, and I agree he would probably just say something [despite the fact once something is in his head it's immovable], but this just really sucks. Didn't think he was capable of being so cold. Really miss him, but I guess that's one-way now.

OhThereYouAre

He isn't being cold....he's just moving on with his life...as you should do.

I'd erase all record of him you have and quit checking up on him....the more you cling to his memory, the harder it will be to let him go.