Thread: Why not say No?

Really just venting lol

My boyfriend is not a typical 21 year old guy. He doesn't like nightclubs, doesn't like going to bars, and says he doesn't like the taste of alcohol. Now when he told me this for the first time I was like oh my god wow I found a guy who is perfect because I want to avoid the party animal type guys.

Background: I am also not outgoing, and I really do not like to drink. With this I knew that finding a boyfriend at my age (20) would be extremely difficult. I have no girlfriends to even go out with, and even if I did I would want to find an excuse not to go to a bar or club for example because I feel so socially awkward being the quiet one who contributes barely anything to discussion...so yeah I figured I'm not going to find anyone to date unless I meet them in University.

Side note: My boyfriend who is also a very long time school friend, asked me on a random day to hang out (even though we hadn't really talked since 11th grade) and two months later of hanging out he asked to make our relationship 'official'.

Anyway, recently he told me he has a problem with saying "no" when he is out with his buddies. I am thinking, okay no problem he just means he wants to goof around with them right? No, not exactly. He says that he doesn't want to be the "party pooper" in the group because he is "a boring guy"-his exact words. I understand that, and I told him that. But one night he told me about a night he went to the club because his friends said they were going, remember he doesn't want to tell them that he hates going. So he said he was there and chick came up to him and asked him to dance, he said no thanks I have a girlfriend...or so he says, but she took him by the hand forced him to dance. My first thought was, well why didn't you continue to say no you have a girlfriend? He said he couldn't do something like that in front of his buddies who don't give a rats behind about commitment (all are single) when a hot chick is presenting herself. I was mad that he gave into it, but after second thought I put myself in his shoes and thought...okay a hotter chick, wearing almost nothing (cause its a nightclub) is wanting to bump and grind, of course he won't say no with his buddies nagging him on. So I ignored that tidbit, but it still does bother me.

Second incident, his buddies tell him to buy a flat of beer for just himself because they were going to have some fun later. I found he was doing that when he asked "how many beers are in a flat?"...we laughed cause we don't drink so we really didn't know. But I asked him why he was going to do that if a) he tells me he doesn't like to drink (and especially hates the taste of beer), and b) why not just a pack of Smirnoff instead of an entire flat of beer for just himself?....his answer was "you don't understand, its about pride" And I was like "what? You have always told me you hated to drink, and don't like being drunk". His reply to that was "the booze loosens me up so I can become less boring even though I still do not like being drunk"....I agreed with that because even if I do drink I open up more. But why would he still do it even though he tells me he is the type of guy that hates doing it?

I don't understand it, and I tell him that but he is beginning to get angry when we talk about this stuff. I asked him why he can't just say no if he is uncomfortable with the situations he is put in, and his only reply again was "its about pride". Because of the little arguments about him not being able to say no he has recently begun to go out more and more to "drink a little" with his buddies. Okay fine, but now he says he has a tolerance for alcohol and doesn't want me to come along with him on his outings even if his friends ask me to come along.

I'm sure I am just overreacting because this is my first relationship, but it still bothers me to think that the guy I thought he was is now slowly turning into the type of guy I wanted to avoid.