MandyBee23

So my boyfriend told me that I am too dependent on him. Not for money, but other things. He didn’t say what exactly and I was too upset at the time to really think about asking. So now I am lost. I honestly don’t know what that means. Maybe I’m emotionally dependent on him? As you can tell I had no idea. I have noticed he has been going out more with out me (maybe he feels he needs some kind of freedom) and I have been good about letting him do his own thing (so far). Like last night he asked if I wanted to go to his friends with him so I said "no thats okay, I'll put dinner in the frige for you" and didn't see him for the rest of the night, btw we live together.

So here are my questions; Can someone explain how I could be dependent on him and maybe give some examples. Also, how do you keep from being dependent on someone?

I have always been in long term relationships, never have been single for long or really dated a lot of people. Thanks for the help!

CHANDLERS WISH

Think back, there has to be a reason why he said it.

He for sure, is a very independent person, you have said that before..

He also still has batchelor ways and likes to do his thing.

You my love, say you want to "screen him for marriage" haha, well you know what I mean, maybe all the checking and screening is driving him nuts?

He is what he is can you live with that?

If so, go with him when he asks, don't need to be anybody else other than who you are...

If you feel you have to say no so he can have space, you are doing it for him, not you or both together..

I can only say enjoy the relationship, no one knows if it's for today or tomorrow or both..

CW

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Hopeless Dork

Do you have a social circle of your own that you go do things with? He could mean too dependent on him for a social outlet. Like if you are staying home being bored when he goes out, that probably makes him feel guilty if he is your EVERYTHING. A lot of guys want to be the reason their girl gets out of bed in the morning but most DON'T.

They want you to have your own life , to appreciate time with them but to not be in NEED of it (thus dependent) all the time.

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caterpillar79

This is very accurate, Hopeless Dork! I battled with this problem a while back. This forum helped me through my thinking process. Way to go, girl power!

Sister, you have to get out and enjoy your "ME" time. You have to have your own events scheduled apart from your "together" time. Most men get more excited to see their better half after sometime being away, and have an interesting conversation about what each of you did (differently) for that day. The rule of the rubber band: the more you pull back, the greater the tension...and the faster your man will spring back to you. Have a life because you want it, not because you have to! This time, do yourself a favor, pamper yourself. The more you give yourself time, the more he'll wonder what have you been up to lately, and why you seem to be happy on your own. Then he'll do more to "get you back". Try it.

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rcoreyus

I sometimes feel this way about my wife. I think the best way I can put it is that I would like her to WANT me, not to NEED me. To me there is a basic difference.

If she NEEDs me, then I am sort of hostage - I need to stay with her because she couldn't go on without me, and she is with me because she can't live otherwise. Way too much pressure. She feels like a ball and chain that I can't escape (even if I don't want to escape)

If she WANTs me then we are in the relationship because we are both happy and enjoy each other. Then I don't feel chained, I fell that I am with her becuase it makes me happy (which it does).

I know this isn't really clear, but its the best I can put it in words.

happy ending

my ex needed me, i had to be the adult, pay the bills etc, but he didnt want me. he seemed to resent the fact he needed me. its good to be wanted but not needed, if you know what i mean.

WildChild

Oh yea, HE and R, I've been there too. There is a difference between being wanted and being needed, between being there for someone and being required to be there. This is why I am always, here and at home encouraging people (especially women) to get out on their own for at least a few years before living with someone or marrying. Sharing life is one thing, carrying someone else, finacially or emotionally is another.

happy ending

i felt as if i was carrying him. we both worked full time, yet he was free to go drinking with his friends every night, while i was supposed to do all the child care, cooking, cleaning pay bills etc, but when i left he said i wouldnt be able to survive with out him AS IF!! sorry mandeebee to get off the subject, i am sure this is not the case in your instance. i guess it just brought up a few bad memories. i was just concerned when you said you were good about letting him do his own things. it sounds like you need some things of your own. maybe you are relying on him too much for companionship etc,

MandyBee23

Thank you everyone for your replies! You all have been very helpfull and I see the truth in these comments. I have been doing things on my own lately and I have been feeling better about myself for doing it. I am having a hard time though not getting depressed when he is not around, or when I am off doing something with out him.

I was going to move back to my parents house (we weren't breaking up) and at the last minute he told me he didn't want me to go and that sometimes HE feels he is the one who NEEDS me. It made me feel really good to know that. And after he said it I really thought about it and it is true.

So I am just trying to be me for once, it is much harder than I though, I was just so used to living a certain way.

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caterpillar79

Wait, Mandy, why are you moving to your parents' house? Just curious...

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