KISH

Okay…so this guy and I are dating for about five years now. Everything was cool for months after our dating. We spent weekends, and some days in the week together. We would always have fun and enjoy each other’s company. That’s until I told him six months in that I was in love with him. His face was one of total shock. Afterward, he seemed withdrawn for a few weeks, so I let him be for a couple of months. During the time that he was withdrawn, we hardly spoke, and I rarely went over to see him. I guess when he realized that I didn’t want to be bothered either he began calling me again. And so…we began this pattern of on an off dating.

During one of his fiascoes I stopped talking to him for a whole year. Somehow, we got back together. Again. In seeing each other this time around, he (or should I say we) were both consensual to unprotected sex, which led us to talk about the possibility of having kids together (he has none). . I know him enough to know that he doesn’t do things just for the sake of doing them. He works in law enforcement and knows the consequences of risks taken. So when he opted not to use protection, know that he understood that I could become pregnant.
To my surprise, he wants us to have kids

On the other hand, my issue with him is that he’s selfish and childish at times. He wants to answer my calls when he wants to and so forth. It has gone on for so long, that I am now at my wits end with him. I have asked him on occasion if he doesn’t think we should give it all up and go our separate ways. Of course he refuses. And yes…we’re in another season of withdrawal. He is almost 40 years old, and to me doesn’t seem like he knows what in the world he wants. I know that men are scared of commitment for numerous reasons from being burned to not wanting a woman to invade their space. I explained to him that if I find out that he has someone else, I would put my big girl panties on and leave, but he denies having anyone else. Any opinions as to why he may be acting this way?

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~ LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY HOW MANY BREATHS WE TAKE...BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY! ~

Tina Lee

First thought is that he's got the best of both worlds right now.

When he wants to be in a serious relationship with someone he really cares about -- he's got you.

When he wants time for himself, then he has that too. What guy wouldn't love that lifestyle?

You can tell how a person is going to act in the future, by how they act in the past. It'll be the same relationship, just add a baby or two!! Do you feel that you can take on his childish behavior, while raising his kids?

If this is something that you're really considering, I would definately sit him down, and talk this completely through. He would have to know that he can't run back and forth. Children need their father at all hours of the day, not just when he has time.

This is just my opinion, but I might really think twice before I jump into this situation. Please be careful!!!

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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

happy ending

i agree with tina lee, he is not father material, he has things the way he wants them, but you cant be a father when you feel like it, not a good one anyway. why would you want to do this to yourself and your children.

WildChild

Certainly you need to be using BC. You need all this resolved before you think of having a baby. That would only complicate things at this time. He sounds like one of those men who wants you most after you've left - not a good thing in a LTR. Why does he want to stay together? Why do you?

caterpillar79

He really has commitment issues... OMG! at age 40? He's so backwards. Sorry to be blunt!

Sit him down, talk, lay out your cards. If you ARE or are NOT satisfied with his answers, or how your conversation goes, then at least, you have a baseline with your next move. You deserve someone who is man enough to stick it out through thick or thin if you are to bring up and raise a child in this world.

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

desperate for help

i would just like to say that although what he is doing is somewhat wrong you also need to understand that when in law enforcement(speaking from my life)the things you see and deal with can leave most of us an unstable and emotional mess the best thing i can say is that most services will provide free consuling for him and he should definetly take advantage of that i have found that to be a big help for me

dr.mansview

i think you answered your own question..see italics above..

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a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

dr.mansview

sorry you were already in italics..see underlined above..note to self..get more sleep..

__________________
a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

caterpillar79

Sweet, I understand what you're trying to say..."I would put my big girl panties on and leave"...don't say it if you don't mean it, OK? Can you really take it? Seriously?

He seem to have a lot of insecurities to work on. Plus the stress he has everyday on the job. He sounds manipulating to me. If you are willing to put up with him all your life, go on. But like I always say, proceed with caution.

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

CHANDLERS WISH

Quote:

So when he opted not to use protection, know that he understood that I could become pregnant. To my surprise, he wants us to have kids

Think back on that...... You leave, he comes back, you talk serious and protection, he says, it's okay.

Did he ever say, I want "our baby", or was it more like " I hate condoms and what will be will be?".... I am in law enforcement, a kid is ok and I can afford it.

Not trying to through a spanner in your works but your not giving enough information here pertaining to how he acts with you, how he treats you, if it's you he can't get over, rather, he's free and can do what he wants, hense the answers you are getting.

CW

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It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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