Originally Posted by trixies

over a year ago went out 4 times with a guy that was married. told me his wife had affairs and they were still legally married but not together. Our dates were all at bars, him buying me drinks and us kissing all night. The 4th night we went back to his house(wife out of town) and we had sex. he emailed me a few times the week after we had sex, told me he wanted to see me but never asked me out to meet him. then all contact stopped.

During the last year I run into him every now and then at bars. Sometimes he just says hi and ignores me, sometimes he talks for a little while, and sometimes I get a free drink and he asks me over. I've had sex with him about 4 times in the last year.

He is divorced now, lives alone. every time I run into him he is always alone at the bar and he hardly talks to anyone, except me. not sure if he has many friends. He is way different from others i have dated. I'm used to the jerk, no money, selfish, hot bod guys. This guy has money, is very educated, proper, nerdy, etc.

When we were dating if you can even call it that, he opened car doors for me, acted completely into me, etc.

I am 39, divorced from a horrible marriage, have kids, i also have low self esteem and depression. he is 46, more mature, stable than me.

I've been reading lots of books on relationships and have come to the conclusion that i slept with him too soon and he has no respect for me and that there is no way to get it back. "What do you think?? there is more to the story but this is just the basics.

We had sex the last time in November 2008. After that i told myself that I wasn'/t going over his house anymore. After november I stopped going out after that for awhile. so the next time I ran into him wasn't until April 2009. That night in April he kissed me at the bar and said" have you been hiding, I haven't seen you in awhile" then me like a drunken idiot told him that I wanted to make out with him. He acted like he didn;t hear me and then said he had to leave the bar and left!

Then in May 2009 I was at a bar that I thought he would be at. He wasn't there (his ex wife was though, with her new boyfriend) and me and my friend called him to come to the bar. So he came to the bar. I was waiting for him to ask me over to his house so I could say "NO" but he didn't ask. he just said "let's go back to my place." he told me to follow him to his house in my car. I started following him and then i turned around and went home!! I was so proud of myself. INstead of calling me he called my friend to find out what was wrong. She told him she didn't know why I did that and she also told him that if he wants to see me he probalby needs to be more proactive. he said he knows but he just came out of a bad marriage. Blah blah blah!

So last week I ran into him again. we talked for a minute but then he went away. I could see he was watching me at the bar from across the room but he never came back to talk to me. He was by himself again and didn't talk to anyone! I have a feeling I will be running into him this weekend. Part of me wants to go have sex but I'm trying to show him that I don't want to be like that anymore! any suggestions. Am I too late? Did i ruin the whole thing in the beginning?

Originally Posted by happy ending

ok if i am too blunt i am sorry, but this guy is a jerk who enjoys messing with your mind. He toys with you to make sure you are still interested, and knows if all else fails he has you to fall back on. You sound intelligent and beautiful, is this what you have in mind for a relationship. While you remain at his beck and call, i dont think its good for either of you. It takes two of you to play this game, take your ball and go home.