simpleG

Omg, I really dont know what else to do with my bf. we've been together for 2 yrs. I cook for him, i've taken care of him when he has gotten sick, I care for him, love him, everyday i see him, well he's my neighber.. and i love spending everyday w him but when we have an argument he always tells me, "U just want to be with me everyday, and its not nessesary.. i dont want us to get bored eachother!!!" well he keeps coming everyday and loves when i treat him good, we have our times of fun & laughs, but lately when he comes, he comes after work and fells asleep then he tells me hes going to go shower and he dosn't come back because he felt asleep again. and now he went to play soccer w his friends. i feel he tries to do other things so that he can spend time away from me... But i dont know if im right or wrong, if i over react or if thats just his way of thinking, that we should try to get away from each other so that we dont get bored of eachother...He's mexican and i thought he would be really romantic and loveable, but i know he cares about me but im not sure if he loves me too! well its a very long story but i guess i just wanted to let this out, and hear some kind of advice about this issue..im not hurt but i guess i was surprise of what he said to me of spending too much time together..i thought he really loved spending time w me too cause he doesn't have any family here w him...

dr.mansview

sounds like after 2 years he is getting bored..take his advice and spend more time apart then see if the spark is there when u do see each other..

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WildChild

Doesn't sound good. What does he do for you? Does he have a green card? Does he have a wife and kids in Mexico? A lot of them do you know, that's why they came to work in another country, so they can send money back to support their families( at least that is the case in my state). I don't know why you think being Mexican or any other nationality would ensure romantacism? I think is coming more from you than him?

Your last sentence set off my alarm bells though, you thought he loved spending time with you because he has no family here. This sounds like you may be setting yourself up, like your self esteem is low and you thought someone without connections would be lonely enough to want to be with you, if you did enough for him. This isn't healthy, you are worth more than that. By all means be a good neighbor but give yourself more value than this. He has said it pretty plainly in words and actions.

CHANDLERS WISH

Don't judge a book by it's cover, that's the first thing I want to get across to you just because he's Mexican, does not mean that all that romance is going to flow and he will treat you right, they say that about French to... You need to see a MAN for THE man, just as they will with us as WOMEN...

Your acting like a wife and he is saying "back off" I am still an independent person and need my space, give me space.

He's also "using" you allowing you to "feed" him why not? And then lying to you by saying he needs a shower and then fell asleep, there he went back and had his SPACE...

Back off.... He's treating you wrongly in reality.

Quit cooking for him and tending to him daily your not his Mother and your not his Wife and you NOT his SLAVE....

He'll soon see what he's missing and that he can't be a total batchelor if he expects to be in a relationship.

CW

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Sandra_does

AMEN to that, Chandler...!

simpleG

/ U know its not that i feel lonely or have a low self esteem, because i have all my friends close to me i mean im going to college i meet new people everyday, im a happy and outgoing person, i have my family, brothers, sisters, parents close to me, i have a great family.... and i have never felt that i have low selfesteem, im not concided, im average! i may not be the most popular girl but i have my friends, and live a great life. i have seen him cry for his family and i cry w him because it hurts to see him down, thats why i try to make him laugh, and thats why i spend my time w him.! And no he does not have any children or is married or left anybody waiting for him in mexico, and i know because i talk to his mother and shes a very straight out person. He does send money to Mexico for his old folks: his parents! And yes i thought Mexican men were romantic!which he is romantic but in his own way, I guess i just wanted himm to be romantic like on TV and shitt, but hey we all have our ways.... and i understand that. hes Honestly a nice guy, thats why i felt in love w him, he dedicates d same love song every time we hear it, but i guess i felt confuse of what he told me, that he does't want for us to get bored of each other, cause we are together everyday, he said that he wants to give me my time and him his time, so that we can miss eachother and want to see us like d begining of our relationship, w d same sparkles.. u know all this is making sence now that im riding to u, than before i felt all confuse. my last sentence , i tried to say that because he has no family here in the US, i didnt want him to feel lonely,sad, and bored here!!!!and he even said it, thats why we see eachother everyday. But yeah i guess i will stop lil by lil feding him and tending him the way i am, i guess i am acting like a wife, but ill act more like a regular girlfriend, maybe that will bring us closer!!!!! If he had his space and i had mine, i guess its better if we only spend time only on weekends, rather than all week....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!well, what u think, u think im doing the right thing? or am i over reacting?

CHANDLERS WISH

Sweet that was an excellent reply seriously...

Well I think though you are going to the "extreme" you have explained alot of why we thought he was "using" but he maybe saying that he needs space more so.. That he enjoys his own company, he likes living alone but being with you as well.

It's a two way street. So, if it is him saying "space" then he "can't" come over for dinner every night that makes sense doesn't it?

Weekend's only is not enough really, how about 4 out of 7? or 3 out of 7 sometimes and 4 other times.

You also need your space and to not have to cook every night and to get out yourself and be with your mates, because you were acting like a wife and so had no life, maybe he is smart enough to see this?

So, be a girlfriend, "date" once a fortnight at least, not always having him for dinner, get out with your friends, hobbies like he does, or soak in a bath, read a book with candles, your time... No cooking.

Yep sounds like a plan......

Sounds also like your happy and so is he if only he didn't feel married and if only you didn't give your all but give some me time to you as well.

Good luck.

CW

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Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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OhThereYouAre

LOL - when did latinos get the stereotype of being romantic? What do they say about Indian men, lol?

And FYI the shite on TV, for the most part, isn't real.

Give him some space. You may be smothering him.

If he doesn't like it, you'll find *him* clinging to you.

Good luck.

caterpillar79

Stop giving. You give too much of yourself and he'll take you for granted. There are women who find security in a relationship by self-sacrifice, by giving too much - this will deplete your emotional resources and would ironically result to "pushing him away" - the very outcome that we so deeply fear.

I've seen this and have done this myself...so, don't assume that by giving more of you, he'll give more of him. It'll be the exact opposite. Love yourself more, and he'll realize your true value. Keep your distance and he'll spring back like a rubberband - the more tension, the faster he'll come.

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imabobcat

Up for you. You got me there.