Did I do the right thing? - Page 2

**ThexMrs** · 08-03-2009, 04:32 PM

Tim wrote me back and I'm very surprised at his response. Here it is:

"Well that was a very frank and sincere email baby. Where do I start?!

You're right, I do care about you. Very much. I would never hurt you so your heart is safe with me if you ever choose to give it to me. I'm glad that you admitted that you do not always treat me right. I'm not wanting to rub it in or make myself out to be perfect (because I'm not), but it does hurt me when you moan at me for very small (and sometimes hypocritical) things. But I've built a bridge and got over it!

I'm still not convinced about this Marty fella. But I'm not there so I can't comment too much. But if he really loved you I still think he would have treated you right. Because what he did to you weren't the actions of somebody who loves you. But we shall just have to beg to differ on that one.

To be completely honest with you, I too do not really know what love is. I haven't really seen it explicitly myself, I mean my parents get on fine, but in my eyes they are quite boring and they certainly aren't massively expressive about their love for one another, which is fine, but it has never helped me see what love is.

I don't feel massively loved either. And again, being really honest, I think all I want right now is to share love with someone. But I'm 27, and never come close to a proper relationship, never mind a loving and lasting relationship and I don't see things changing in the near future at all. I'm convinced that I am going to remain single and die single. It does prey on my mind, but at the same time I do like my own space, so I can't win.

I can't believe I only get 10% of your heart! What's all that about babe! It should surely be at least 11.5%! I'd love you way better than anyone else on this planet, I hope you know that.

I don't know if this would make you feel better, but I do sometimes think about suicide. Sometimes I think about it far too frequently. I just don't seem to enjoy life. Everything seems to be such an effort. Nothing in life ever seems to go right and all the happiness seems all too often to go to the people who least deserve it and have no respect for anyone around them. I know it's not a science, but I would like to think that I treat people well and would never harm anybody, so it would be nice to be happy in return, but the world doesn't work like that. I've had truly awful things to get over in life and from time to time I just think I've had enough. I know you've had tragedies in your life and it can't be easy for you, but you have to fight on. I can understand your perspective when you say things would be easier, but its not the right way to go about things. It may not feel like it, but if suicide really was an option, I don't think you really appreciate how much people really do care for you.

But I know that you know that suicide isn't the answer and it sounds like you have thought things through and know what needs to be done to get your life back on track. Although you did miss out one vitally important bit - when you've finished uni, you and me need to be together. Just how did you miss that bit!?

I don't want you out of my life. I want you 2,000% in my life but I must admit, I want you in my life properly. But I don't really know if it is ever going to happen. I certainly have the desire and motivation but I don't think you have. Certainly not at the moment, which is perfectly understandable, but I don't think you have it in you long term either to want to be with me. I've never sensed or heard that from you.

More love than you could ever imagine,

Tim.

08-03-2009, 04:32 PM	#11
ThexMrs Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 3,482 Blog Entries: 13	He emailed me back! Tim wrote me back and I'm very surprised at his response. Here it is: "Well that was a very frank and sincere email baby. Where do I start?! You're right, I do care about you. Very much. I would never hurt you so your heart is safe with me if you ever choose to give it to me. I'm glad that you admitted that you do not always treat me right. I'm not wanting to rub it in or make myself out to be perfect (because I'm not), but it does hurt me when you moan at me for very small (and sometimes hypocritical) things. But I've built a bridge and got over it! I'm still not convinced about this Marty fella. But I'm not there so I can't comment too much. But if he really loved you I still think he would have treated you right. Because what he did to you weren't the actions of somebody who loves you. But we shall just have to beg to differ on that one. To be completely honest with you, I too do not really know what love is. I haven't really seen it explicitly myself, I mean my parents get on fine, but in my eyes they are quite boring and they certainly aren't massively expressive about their love for one another, which is fine, but it has never helped me see what love is. I don't feel massively loved either. And again, being really honest, I think all I want right now is to share love with someone. But I'm 27, and never come close to a proper relationship, never mind a loving and lasting relationship and I don't see things changing in the near future at all. I'm convinced that I am going to remain single and die single. It does prey on my mind, but at the same time I do like my own space, so I can't win. I can't believe I only get 10% of your heart! What's all that about babe! It should surely be at least 11.5%! I'd love you way better than anyone else on this planet, I hope you know that. I don't know if this would make you feel better, but I do sometimes think about suicide. Sometimes I think about it far too frequently. I just don't seem to enjoy life. Everything seems to be such an effort. Nothing in life ever seems to go right and all the happiness seems all too often to go to the people who least deserve it and have no respect for anyone around them. I know it's not a science, but I would like to think that I treat people well and would never harm anybody, so it would be nice to be happy in return, but the world doesn't work like that. I've had truly awful things to get over in life and from time to time I just think I've had enough. I know you've had tragedies in your life and it can't be easy for you, but you have to fight on. I can understand your perspective when you say things would be easier, but its not the right way to go about things. It may not feel like it, but if suicide really was an option, I don't think you really appreciate how much people really do care for you. But I know that you know that suicide isn't the answer and it sounds like you have thought things through and know what needs to be done to get your life back on track. Although you did miss out one vitally important bit - when you've finished uni, you and me need to be together. Just how did you miss that bit!? I don't want you out of my life. I want you 2,000% in my life but I must admit, I want you in my life properly. But I don't really know if it is ever going to happen. I certainly have the desire and motivation but I don't think you have. Certainly not at the moment, which is perfectly understandable, but I don't think you have it in you long term either to want to be with me. I've never sensed or heard that from you. More love than you could ever imagine, Tim. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

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