A letter--constructive criticism?

ohmanthatscrazy · 08-05-2009, 02:39 AM

I posted a while ago about a guy I was interested in whom everyone agreed wasn't good for me. I still haven't completely let it go, and I haven't completely broken off ties with him. I wrote a letter to him just to explain everything I didn't really get to say. I haven't sent it, but I was wondering if anyone would read it and tell me if I should or shouldn't send it, or if there are any parts I should take out to make it shorter.

Sorry it's long, but any help would be much appreciated.

[Let me start out by saying that I really like you, but you should know that. Maybe you were right when you asked if I just wanted you just to have you. I mean, I like the way I feel when I'm with you, the way you hold me, the way you look at me. And you're obviously intelligent and confident and arrogant, and I like you for it. The first part is basically just liking you for the way you make ME feel, so that's not entirely about you. You're right, I've never been in a serious relationship, but I am aware that that's not the best reason to be with someone, no matter how much I'll miss the connection I felt like we had. Then again, it could just be one-sided. I know you said before that you liked me, and I'm forced to believe that maybe an inkling of that was true considering you were still around after 7 months of going in frustrating circles. However, It's contradictory since from the time we started talking, you've always had something about me for which to complain. I'm not saying that most of your complaints weren't valid, but I'm forced to wonder why you would even pursue something further with someone you had that many problems with.

And it's so frustrating that you won't accept that I've put so much time and energy into trying to figure out how I can be with you. Something I probably shouldn't have done to begin with. For whatever reason, I believed you were worth it and I sucked it up and took your criticizm and continued to try to change. I'm not saying changes weren't in order, either. And I'm actually glad that you opened up my eyes to see that I was seriously lacking in growing up. I'm actually glad that you pushed me, even though I know you've said before it's not your job. But that's just it. You don't do things for someone because it's your job, you do them because you want to. If you didn't feel like I was worth wasting your time to help, then that honestly just means you didn't like me enough to.

At a certain point I felt like you had already made up your mind about me, even though you continued to let me talk you out of it, if only for a few days. But I also feel like you were ignoring all of my attempts to please you, even though you said you were glad for my effort. You also are so inconsistent with how you feel about me, and I'm forced to wonder why. To this day I honestly can say I don't know if you truly liked me.

And I'm honestly somewhat scared of you. I began to hesitate on everything I said because you might have taken it the wrong way or pushed the discussion to an argument, which you often did. It made me not want to contact you. And that's another thing, you often said that I was too distant and didn't contact you enough, and you said that always pushed you away...then later you said that the fact that I was obsessive always drives you away. Those are completely opposite from each other. Make up your mind.

And let me guess, you think I'm childish for writing this letter to you right? Or childish for preconceiving what you'll think? You've become predictable to me, that's why.

I wrote most of this a while ago, I was just never sure if I should send it. At this point I'm going to just go with the cliche that I have nothing much to lose. I realize as weeks and months go by, the further you're probably moving on.

I wish we could have made this work. You said before that people can't make something work just because they want it to, there has to be other factors to bring it together. But I honestly believe that with willingness and compromise, this type of want could be possible to fulfill. But if you've lost interest and you're not willing to accept that I'm taking steps in the right direction,and I can't gain 5 years on my age/experience level and that I'm not perfect, then I suppose there's nothing I can do.

I just wanted you to know this.]

**miss.sin.t.uh** · 08-05-2009, 03:10 AM

its rather long.
im not sure about the history of this.
and as far as the letter goes, sounds good
but just dont say anything you might regret.

ask yourself what are you expecting from him after sending him this letter?
sounds like you want him to realize things and make up his mind
and change for you or try again with you.

He might not reply to you or might not say what you want to hear.
so be ready for it.
And just know that sometimes things are better left unsaid

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-05-2009, 05:21 AM

Can i ?

For other posters..

You met in December, he always texted you, would speak to you on the phone, kept putting you down especially about your sexuality but your a virgin...

He tried again in May but still put you down and again mentioned your sexuality and nothing you tried to change about other areas, suited him.

There is something there between you, that being his arrogance and insistance and by putting you down, you try to please, continually but he continues...

He let you go... He then contacted you again.

He was hopeful that he broke through got you to see, and that he was the one..

He never calls you.

He only texts cause you have nothing to say that is important to HIM.

This rocks you and so you keep trying.

You send that and I will personally kill you ( only joking)

I don't know how to say this but I hope you listen.

He wants to be your first.

He is trying to break you.

If he does, he will walk.

You have nothing to fear...

Please understand you have chosen your virginity not for some guy to talk down at you so that you break eventually and give in, because he is choosing his words to break you so that HE WINS.

Once he conquers he walks.

This is not what you planned.

So you owe this man nothing other than to come to the conclusion that he is using every trick in the book to make you give it up.

I hope you can see this..

I speak from age.

And I remember your original thread, in addition I went back and read your threads to be sure what I was answering.

Please do not send that email.

If you want to send one, you need to say, "for some time, i considered because you caught my attention and you made me feel hot and good and sexy and more importantly that you wanted a relationship, I have come to the realisation that you want my virginity and for that Mr, I say ha...

I wish you well on your journey.

That's it.

CW

**GlitterAndStuds** · 08-05-2009, 07:12 AM

This letter sounds VERY similar to one that I sent to a guy a couple of years ago. I was so crazy about him, but it was kind of the same thing. He would play with my head and make me think he wanted to be with me, when really, he just wanted to keep me around for some type of security. He just wanted to make sure I was always thinking about him and never moved on, and we went in circles for 2 YEARS! Which is way too long to focus on someone like that.

Anyway, I ended up e-mailing him (I couldn't bring myself to say it all to his face) saying that I was done and got everything I felt out there. But if the guy you're talking about is anything like this guy, he will probably not respond to you if you send it. Granted, I felt good for getting it all off my chest and he knew what I was thinking, but it irritated me that he didn't at least have the courtesy to respond. And honestly, a part of me thought what missintuh said before - that he might think he's losing me and reconsider and have a sudden change of heart. Didn't happen.

So I guess I'm saying, do what you want but think really hard about it. If his mind is made up, then it's made up, and I honestly don't think the letter will make a huge difference. But he will at least know how he's been making you feel.

lizzy_09 · 08-05-2009, 08:12 PM

I agree with CHANDLERS WISH and GlitterAndStuds. He has shown you all those signs that he's not that interested but does indeed enjoy the attention you give him. Whether you send him the letter or not, it still amounts to the same thing, HE IS NOT INTERESTED and it will just add more pain and heartaches for you.

What you should be addressing right now is ways to get him off your mind and heart.

**Sandra_does** · 08-05-2009, 09:43 PM

I don't have to read your letter because your question speaks for itself...YOU refuse
to let go and just do not seem to understand it's over... Why then lower your dignity by thinking you can bring him back with a number of words...? If you have to beg for a man then you will never stop begging even after you get him, count on that... Do not let your emotions rule your life...love is blinding and it's moreso for a girl than a guy...!

His mind has been made up and he has moved on. Now it's your turn to do the very same thing...MOVE ON, GIRL...! How many times to you want to be a loser before you have no dignity and self-esteem left...?

No man is worth chasing after if he but once turns his back to you... If you believe differently then you will be a popular girl in WH Forums for years to come...

Please do what is right for you as a woman...move on and look for a better model...!

Sandra_does...

08-05-2009, 02:39 AM	#1
ohmanthatscrazy Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 16	A letter--constructive criticism? I posted a while ago about a guy I was interested in whom everyone agreed wasn't good for me. I still haven't completely let it go, and I haven't completely broken off ties with him. I wrote a letter to him just to explain everything I didn't really get to say. I haven't sent it, but I was wondering if anyone would read it and tell me if I should or shouldn't send it, or if there are any parts I should take out to make it shorter. Sorry it's long, but any help would be much appreciated. [Let me start out by saying that I really like you, but you should know that. Maybe you were right when you asked if I just wanted you just to have you. I mean, I like the way I feel when I'm with you, the way you hold me, the way you look at me. And you're obviously intelligent and confident and arrogant, and I like you for it. The first part is basically just liking you for the way you make ME feel, so that's not entirely about you. You're right, I've never been in a serious relationship, but I am aware that that's not the best reason to be with someone, no matter how much I'll miss the connection I felt like we had. Then again, it could just be one-sided. I know you said before that you liked me, and I'm forced to believe that maybe an inkling of that was true considering you were still around after 7 months of going in frustrating circles. However, It's contradictory since from the time we started talking, you've always had something about me for which to complain. I'm not saying that most of your complaints weren't valid, but I'm forced to wonder why you would even pursue something further with someone you had that many problems with. And it's so frustrating that you won't accept that I've put so much time and energy into trying to figure out how I can be with you. Something I probably shouldn't have done to begin with. For whatever reason, I believed you were worth it and I sucked it up and took your criticizm and continued to try to change. I'm not saying changes weren't in order, either. And I'm actually glad that you opened up my eyes to see that I was seriously lacking in growing up. I'm actually glad that you pushed me, even though I know you've said before it's not your job. But that's just it. You don't do things for someone because it's your job, you do them because you want to. If you didn't feel like I was worth wasting your time to help, then that honestly just means you didn't like me enough to. At a certain point I felt like you had already made up your mind about me, even though you continued to let me talk you out of it, if only for a few days. But I also feel like you were ignoring all of my attempts to please you, even though you said you were glad for my effort. You also are so inconsistent with how you feel about me, and I'm forced to wonder why. To this day I honestly can say I don't know if you truly liked me. And I'm honestly somewhat scared of you. I began to hesitate on everything I said because you might have taken it the wrong way or pushed the discussion to an argument, which you often did. It made me not want to contact you. And that's another thing, you often said that I was too distant and didn't contact you enough, and you said that always pushed you away...then later you said that the fact that I was obsessive always drives you away. Those are completely opposite from each other. Make up your mind. And let me guess, you think I'm childish for writing this letter to you right? Or childish for preconceiving what you'll think? You've become predictable to me, that's why. I wrote most of this a while ago, I was just never sure if I should send it. At this point I'm going to just go with the cliche that I have nothing much to lose. I realize as weeks and months go by, the further you're probably moving on. I wish we could have made this work. You said before that people can't make something work just because they want it to, there has to be other factors to bring it together. But I honestly believe that with willingness and compromise, this type of want could be possible to fulfill. But if you've lost interest and you're not willing to accept that I'm taking steps in the right direction,and I can't gain 5 years on my age/experience level and that I'm not perfect, then I suppose there's nothing I can do. I just wanted you to know this.]

08-05-2009, 05:21 AM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	Can i ? For other posters.. You met in December, he always texted you, would speak to you on the phone, kept putting you down especially about your sexuality but your a virgin... He tried again in May but still put you down and again mentioned your sexuality and nothing you tried to change about other areas, suited him. There is something there between you, that being his arrogance and insistance and by putting you down, you try to please, continually but he continues... He let you go... He then contacted you again. He was hopeful that he broke through got you to see, and that he was the one.. He never calls you. He only texts cause you have nothing to say that is important to HIM. This rocks you and so you keep trying. You send that and I will personally kill you ( only joking) I don't know how to say this but I hope you listen. He wants to be your first. He is trying to break you. If he does, he will walk. You have nothing to fear... Please understand you have chosen your virginity not for some guy to talk down at you so that you break eventually and give in, because he is choosing his words to break you so that HE WINS. Once he conquers he walks. This is not what you planned. So you owe this man nothing other than to come to the conclusion that he is using every trick in the book to make you give it up. I hope you can see this.. I speak from age. And I remember your original thread, in addition I went back and read your threads to be sure what I was answering. Please do not send that email. If you want to send one, you need to say, "for some time, i considered because you caught my attention and you made me feel hot and good and sexy and more importantly that you wanted a relationship, I have come to the realisation that you want my virginity and for that Mr, I say ha... I wish you well on your journey. That's it. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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08-05-2009, 03:10 AM	#2
miss.sin.t.uh VIP Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 50	its rather long. im not sure about the history of this. and as far as the letter goes, sounds good but just dont say anything you might regret. ask yourself what are you expecting from him after sending him this letter? sounds like you want him to realize things and make up his mind and change for you or try again with you. He might not reply to you or might not say what you want to hear. so be ready for it. And just know that sometimes things are better left unsaid

08-05-2009, 07:12 AM	#4
GlitterAndStuds Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Snake Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 749 Blog Entries: 1	This letter sounds VERY similar to one that I sent to a guy a couple of years ago. I was so crazy about him, but it was kind of the same thing. He would play with my head and make me think he wanted to be with me, when really, he just wanted to keep me around for some type of security. He just wanted to make sure I was always thinking about him and never moved on, and we went in circles for 2 YEARS! Which is way too long to focus on someone like that. Anyway, I ended up e-mailing him (I couldn't bring myself to say it all to his face) saying that I was done and got everything I felt out there. But if the guy you're talking about is anything like this guy, he will probably not respond to you if you send it. Granted, I felt good for getting it all off my chest and he knew what I was thinking, but it irritated me that he didn't at least have the courtesy to respond. And honestly, a part of me thought what missintuh said before - that he might think he's losing me and reconsider and have a sudden change of heart. Didn't happen. So I guess I'm saying, do what you want but think really hard about it. If his mind is made up, then it's made up, and I honestly don't think the letter will make a huge difference. But he will at least know how he's been making you feel.

08-05-2009, 08:12 PM	#5
lizzy_09 Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Philippines Posts: 22	I agree with CHANDLERS WISH and GlitterAndStuds. He has shown you all those signs that he's not that interested but does indeed enjoy the attention you give him. Whether you send him the letter or not, it still amounts to the same thing, HE IS NOT INTERESTED and it will just add more pain and heartaches for you. What you should be addressing right now is ways to get him off your mind and heart.

08-05-2009, 09:43 PM	#6
Sandra_does VIP Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 74	I don't have to read your letter because your question speaks for itself...YOU refuse to let go and just do not seem to understand it's over... Why then lower your dignity by thinking you can bring him back with a number of words...? If you have to beg for a man then you will never stop begging even after you get him, count on that... Do not let your emotions rule your life...love is blinding and it's moreso for a girl than a guy...! His mind has been made up and he has moved on. Now it's your turn to do the very same thing...MOVE ON, GIRL...! How many times to you want to be a loser before you have no dignity and self-esteem left...? No man is worth chasing after if he but once turns his back to you... If you believe differently then you will be a popular girl in WH Forums for years to come... Please do what is right for you as a woman...move on and look for a better model...! Sandra_does...