kittycat

I have been with my bf for almost five years now and am wondering if i should just move on and do my own thing or if i should wait around hoping that he will propose? we have been living together for about 3 and 1/2 years now, he used to talk about wanting to marry me but for the past 6-7 months every time that i mention any thing in the area of rings or marriage i get brushed off. i am not sure if he is happy with his cow nd free milk or if he just doesnt want to marry me. Let me fill you in, i am from a very colorful family(that is puting things nicely), and he comes from a really well educated family that is really religious. my family is neither of the two. he as told me and his mother that if we got married and had a wedding that it would be a disaster for the two families to get together. his family would be completely gisgusted by mine, is what he said. that hurts my feelings and he knows that but it doesn't stop him from saying things like that. all of my friends tell me that i should move out and let him know how it feels like to be with out me. i just don't know what to do , i need some out side advice please. I love this man with everything inside of me, and i don't want to get hurt. let me know if any of this even makes sense.thank you

magamay

This sounds somewhat like my fiance and his ex wife (for there second wedding, after she divorced him and came back). She did everything she could to put off there second wedding then when he went and visited his brother in another state she left him. honestly i dont think you should leave him just yet but take a step back and look at your relationship from a more objective view.
also think of were you want to be in X amount of years, with him are you going to get to that? It may be that you could leave him and he'd realize that your what he wants and needs, or he could, and i hate to say it, move on to the next fish. either way you might very well end up better off. after my fiances ex left him he started coming into himself again and he went from the depressed person i first met, to the amazing man im marrying. But seriously think about what you want and were you want to be and it will get easier to make your decision

OhThereYouAre

What's the rush to get married? Why is it a race? If the relationship is otherwise good, why do you need a piece of paper issued by the government to legitamize your love for each other?

I will be blunt - in this day and age, there is *NO* incentive for a man to get married. The silly laws in place make it so. He cheats on you, you get half his stuff....you cheat on him, you still get half his stuff and the kids. Catch my drift?

You CANNOT time the important milestones in your life.

So he doesn't talk about marriage. Take a step back...watch him:

What do his actions say? Does he respect you? Does he treat you well? Is he passionate in bed? Is he a good person?

If you answered yes to any of those, it's worth sticking around. Is your life long dream to have a wonderful relationship, or is it to have a piece of paper marriage license?

Hopeless Dork

Whenever someone comes on here and talks about ending a very good relationship over a lack of proposal I have a very strong opinion on that, and that is marriage wont make the love any different, it won't prove they love you more if they do it (couples cheat and divorce all the time) and it doesn't prove they love you less if they don't (some couples live out long healthy happy relationships without ever signing a single peice of paper agreeing to).

HOWEVER... in your case, I think you have a different set of circumstances going on there. If he is ashamed of your family, he has some growing up to do. He got in a relationship with YOU and loves YOU and you are the only person he is required to love and get along with , but if he can't accept and at least be civil if not embrace and come to know your reletives.. that is pretty selfish.

You are your own person, obviously he see's that, you are not your family, but that doesn't mean that they don't get to be a part of your life if you want them to. If he has this dream of this picture perfect union between the two of your families that both of you know isn't going to happen, you have some talking to do.

Your family, colorful or bland is just as valid as his, educated, religious, etc. Whether or not the two of you get married he will have to come to accept this side of you , get a sense of humour about it all when he thinks of them meeting, its life, people are different, he should enjoy that and not be terrified of it.

__________________
-------------
Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

GlitterAndStuds

Just took the words right out of my mouth. While I like the idea of marriage *someday*, I agree that it's not something to rush. Things are less traditional these days. If things are going great between the two of you then there's no reason to rush. You've already been living together for a while, the only difference with getting married is having a piece of paper on top of that.

Basically, enjoy what's there NOW. If you keep worrying about what may or may not happen in the future, you're going to miss all the good stuff.

caterpillar79

But then, we stay in the relationship, HOPING that we are building onto something more. I know this sounds very FUTURISTIC and is contrast to the NOW. But the deal is, we cannot stop hopinga and wishfully thinking of the happy ever after - marriage we have set out scripts on - like I did! OUCH!

Now, marriage is almost like a BF-GF relationship, only, it is also a legal way of saying he's mine and I'm his and so is/are our properties, etc... But nothing is guaranteed in this world. Even married couples divorce, and so bf-gf's part ways. It is just hard to understand and I am still trying hard to put into terms the things that have recently happened to me.

As per experience, you may want to check on yourself if you are desperate about the marriage issue and you don't want to settle for his inaction. If such is the case, it would be wiser to move on. But if not, stay and keep giving the milk for free. It's all up to you. As for me, I learned not to give away the cow's milk for free.

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

Katsaly

If a guy used to talk to you about marriage, but doesn't anymore, there is probably something going on in his head. Unless he's hiding a ring and waiting for the right moment to surprise you, he's probably having serious doubts about wanting to stay with you. If he really wants to be with you, he should be able to handle a wedding (or be willing to elope!)

If getting married is important to you, you might need to talk to him about it. If he is really down on the idea, then you might need to start packing, because you shouldn't have to suffer through a lifetime of lost dreams just because he won't take one day to put a ring on your finger.

WildChild

There are many ways to commit to each other, if that is what you wish to do. What was marriage originally? It was a public announcement of commitment and an excuse to have a party. The two of you can plan what ever you wish to achieve this, a handfasting, jumping a broom, there are many old traditions. But first the two of you need to decide what it is you want.

OG612

FOREWARNING: I'M DRUNK. TAKE MY ADVICE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

If he's still your boyfriend after five years I say dump him. If you're looking for marriage and kids, and he's not down with that... eff him. You need to move on to what works best for you.

OG

__________________
Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting

baja

kitty, if marriage is important to you, you have a timeframe in-mind and you are bringing up the topic seriously then he needs to treat this as very important. To me, it is not excusable for him to brush you off after 3.5 years. He should totally recognize that you deserve an answer as to his intentions. It doesn't appear that he has someone else in mind, rather, it may be the family differences of which you speak.

I dated someone very seriously once for 3 years -- almost married her -- but in this case it was a reverse situation, she couldn't ultimately deal with the difference of my parents vs. hers. Some people have trouble breaking free from their parents view of reality and I suspect you will need to him "send a message" to get him out of neutral.

Hard to say if you're relationship will move forward or backward. For me it was backward into the ditch and over the cliff... start over... I wish you better luck!