Susanne1

My Boyfriend and I were friends for around 6 months before we started dating. This for me I thought was amazing as I would already know his quirks and skeletons, such as his bi-sexualty, crushes on mutual mates, experiences with lots of different situations. This never bothered me, infact I was so happy and proud to be with someone who was open minded.
Things are changing. We have been together now for 8 months and have made plans to travel to newzealand together. Slowly my insecurities are creeping in and the very things I once felt proud of are making me feel uncomfortable, jealous and totally unconfident. He is very understanding and caring and knows some of how I am feeling, how ever I can't help feeling a little betrayed by him when I have heard him having conversations to contradict the feelings he has had about these situations.
I think I have lots respect for him and know my behaviour is just causing him to be less open with me which just makes the situation worse.
I am trying to be more understanding with him and he is being paitent with me but I am so confused with my feelings and why when we were first going out I felt fine about his past.
Any advice anyone??, if you need more info just ask, anything would be great.

CHANDLERS WISH

You probably found it quite fascinating to start with and then in obtaining this fascinating person as a boyfriend, you probably felt you won the prize, and you were very open minded about all, it didn't bother you.

Now, you've fallen in love, before you were in lust.

With love, we want commitment, one on one, and now you feel threatened and don't like it anymore.

You chose to be with this person for who he was and accepted it, so it's difficult to now turn back the clock and what you are after, isn't going to happen as his personality is/was as it is...

You have to decide if you can continue in this type of relationship and if not, you'll have to re-consider the relationship.

CW

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baja

If you're seeing enough that concerns you after only 8 months, then I think you should seriously consider finding someone with less issues & baggage. The fact that he is bi complicates things to a whole new level. All I can say is that there are so many more fish in the sea, why chase one that is swimming in a direction that you know is not best for you?

Na-Na

It really might be that's you're starting to fall in love. Insecurities pop up then. I'm going through a bit of that myself, right now. Are they things you really and truly think he would do, or things that just worry you because it'd completely shatter you if they happened. A bit more detail would be helpful. If you're feeling more than insecure, if you're truly worried about these things, it might be best to take a step back and figure out if this relationship is going to continue working for you.

Joy

He is being honest you say..... but a bit more conservative with the truth since you started having these feelings of doubt.

I can relate to how you feel he said one thing to you but acting differently about his true feelings to others so then you wonder which was the truth? That would be confusing.

what do you think is out of your league of open mindedness?

Susanne1

Na Na, Joy,these are things i am deeply worried about and if they did happen I know it would totally shatter me....
for instance, flirting, i know its natural, i do it. we as humans do it to gain some sort of common ground with others, right? but where do you draw the line?, is there such a thing with this?..... knowing already you are sexually attracted to a person and perhaps visa versa, would you encourage this?.... if my boyfriend has told me he has had sexual attractions to our friends I find it hard to see how far he takes it..... I just get more and more uncomfortable and quiet.
I have had feelings like this before in relationships, but they have surfaced a lot sooner that this which is making me believe its something more special. I have known I have loved him for about 6 months.

Chandlers Wish, Baja, Yes its true I choose to be with this person and by far its been the most understanding of relationships I have ever been with. We have all of the same dreams at the moment and I believe this is why i am finding the possibility of us not being right for each other hard.
It seemed that all was well untill a month ago when we were put under some serious stress, it was then that these insecurities seemed to flood out.... before I had managed to feel confident in myself and the belief I had in him.
Could it be possible that i have lost confidence in myself?, if so how does this normally affect relationships?

CW, Lovely quote is it one of yours?
Thanks for all of your advice its helping lots!

CHANDLERS WISH

There are still boundaries within a relationship.

I'm gaining the impression that he has overstepped a few of those boundries ever so slightly but enough for female intuition to kick in and therefore, a little less trust and fear.

I would say be very straight forward with him about those boundries and tell him, because once they start pushing that little bit more, they then feel they can do more and then it would be stated that it's your fault because you "let him" which wouldn't be the case, if that makes sense.

On the same accord, it sounds as if he is completely happy with his relationship with you and you can feel that within in, as I said though watch for the pushing of those boundries and nip it in the bud.

To answer your last paragraph, can you perhaps elaborate on what occured a month ago?

I would think that a lack of confidence irrespective, does create in-securities which does create usually, fights or "you don't love me" comments etc, which can change a relationship for sure..

But "trust" keeps confidence and maybe he has to win that back again a little, pending on what boundries he is pushing to far for you..

Yessum, that would be my own quote, glad you like it, I believe in it.

CW

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Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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Lostwithoutyou081280

I used to be part of the Help I'm a mistress thread, and now that i've moved on i'm sharing the same insequrities. I have no idea why i feel this way, is it because i'm afraid to get hurt? Or i cannot accept a good thing because i'm so used to the pain?

Why is it that my perfect understanding caring boyfriend is someone i get mad at, and upset with for no reason?

I find myself yelling and screaming at him. Making him hurt and emotional. I find myself pitting him, and my self... what can i do to make it so this doesn't ruin our relationship?

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baja

Lost, what mainly comes to mind is simply the "golden rule".