prawnprincess

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We have only been long-distance for 2 months, and we have about 2 years to go. Also, we've both had a lot going on lately with our careers. He is more of a spontaneous person, while I am a scheduler and planner. It is driving me crazy because he doesn't call regularly (meaning he calls every few days), and, when he does call, often he cannot talk very long or someone is trying to talk to him in the background. He is a great guy and of course he tells me how much he loves me, but I always become unsure after a few days of not talking. I don't question his fidelity, but I just crave more attention and reassurance that I'm a priority in his life. For the most part I only suffer privately and try to stay a low-maintenance girlfriend. I try to be flexible and reassuring because he really does have a hard job. I've been establishing myself in my new location- career, hobbies, finances, education on the side- but everything pales in comparison to the thing I really care about, which is so hard to get a hold of! What is reasonable to expect?

Joy

well I don't think it be too much to ask when he calls that its totally one on one...... that he takes 10 mins locks himself away and not be distracted by others.

I don't know what he does for a job but i'm sure you guys can invest in some web cam's they come built in to most laptops now.... that way you can have a video face to face. Plus you'd be happier cause well you'd both have to plan to be infront of your pc's

long distance is hard when you want more attention ;(

OhThereYouAre

Let him know in a non-confrontational way.

If he truly loves you, he'll accomodate your wishes as long as they are reasonable.

Ahryin

You haven't said what it is he does...if its military you have to be careful because he might just NOT be able to...though I agree with Oh There (as if i've ever disagreed with him..so weird) Communication is the Key..you don't have to be whiney about it, or nagging. Its new for both of you so it is very possible he just doesn't realize he is not giving you as much attention as you may need. I've stated on this forum before I work for a very prestigeous financial firm. When we first start a project there is NO such thing as sleep...my co-workers become my family, kids, best friends and worse enemies. I have to fight to see my own real life children! I remember when we first started the project i'm working on now I would take over 200 phone calls a day never mind meetings upon meetings upon meetings and so many emails I just wanted to find whoever invented emails and make them suffer a horrible prolonged death!
By the time I got home (if I got home because the dreaded words..this is going to be an all nighter would frequently pop into exsistence) I didn't want to see a phone let alone pick one up! Not when I have an office phone, a company issued cell phone, a personal cell phone, a walkie talkie ( I guess they are afraid I might escape!) and a traveling headset! My SO now lives 30 minutes from me and I was lucky if I saw him once every two weeks.
I asked if he was military because my Uncle is in the Navy and goes away sometimes 6 months at a time and is only able to speak to his wife maybe 2 or 3 times a month if that. Military wives go through that a lot. I know from her that if you have built your foundation together to be strong you will make it and it will get easier.
She started a diary and would photo copy some pages and send to him. I liked her idea because they started exchanging love letters like in the old days. So instead of phone calls she looked forward to letters which he was able to write inbetween shifts etc. LOL I remember once he just wrote "I love you" all over the paper like 30 times and on another piece of paper he wrote I could never find enough time to actually write you a letter so I just wrote down the only words that matter. She kept that with here everywhere she went. ( I only know because one day I asked her how she did it) Mind you they have kids so he also missed out on my nephew's imagine how kids feel...

__________________
Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

caterpillar79

You know him better than anybody does. Go with your gut feeling...but TRUST that he is still the man that you love and always will be.

Sometimes, the more me "demand" the more we drive him away. Set a goal that both of you could focus on. Agree on when to chat, how to do it, etc. Webcam and iMs are truly amazing tools to keep the lovin' communication going, so do that.
Goodluck.

__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

Kakie

i feel for you, i used to be in a long distance relationship and it was the hardest thing ever. people totally underestimate how much commitment it takes.. especially since my boyfriend was away at college and so partying all the time.. i'd suggest trying to come to an arrangement that you'll talk on the phone say every other day or something. maybe before bed. when hes alone in his room with no distractions or anything else.. also we found it helpful to text/sms each other quite a bit throughout the day, little short messages really helped.. have you told him you need more contact with him? because its all very well and good keeping silent and trying to be low maintenance but if he doesnt realise something isn't right for you then nothing will ever change and you'll slowly get driven mad. good luck

__________________
"Life’s a game but its not fair
I break the rules so I don’t care
So I keep doing my own thing
Walking tall against the rain
Victory’s within the mile
Almost there don’t give up now"

prawnprincess

Thank you guys for all of your helpful comments. The good news is that I did let him know I needed more solid communication, and that's going great. He is such an amazing guy. The bad news is killing me right now, though. The bad news is that lately I've been getting really sad and frustrated because all I want is to be together with him in the same place, but I'm stuck in a place far from home and far from him with two years left on my contract. I try to stay busy but I cry a lot.

stressed

My advice as someone who has been in a difficult distance relationship for 2 years: Try to live your life the best you can, even if you are apart. Don't wait by the phone and torture yourself because when you will be together you are going to regret spending those years crying instead of living. This is very important to remember. You won't be getting those years back, there's nothing you can do at the moment to bring him to you, so just try to spend every moment of your life as fulfilling for you as possible.

goodguy28

I feel your pain, I'm in a LDR as well. Something that my gf mentioned to me is the same as you describe(needing to hear from me more often), so I do call her when I'm getting into bed, and we talk for a while, almost every night. We also try to email/text throughout the day, makes each other seem less far away, and that definitely helps!

Alba23

gosh i feel for you...long distance is very very difficult.... and with my own experience, it gets worse with time...thats why my bf and i decided to comprise and we moved to be closer to one another... tought it out though.....its never an easy ride when distance plays a factor.