shadow.95

Okay, basically, I don't know what to do about this particular guy. My "friend" and I both liked him about 6 months ago, and we have a dance at school that we have to have partners for and practice dancing (I'm 18). We, unfortunately, both have pretty much the same taste in guys and have fought over other guys before (we are not that close), but then this guy came along that we both really liked. I asked him to our school dance (the girls have to ask the guys on this occasion) and he said yes and seemed genuinely excited about it. We got to know each other better, and I know that at one point he really liked me, but also her at the same time, and because I knew that he liked me I started acting like a complete fool and messed up my chances with him.

Eventually he asked my 'friend' out, after completely leading me on, and they have been going out ever since. However, then our dance practice started. I know that I probably would have had a much better chance with him if it wasn't for the way I acted (as happens with many crushes of mine, I end up completely focusing on that guy and trying to do and change everything about me to please him). We have had quite a few dance practices now, but I know that both of us can feel this sexual tension going on, and I always catch him looking at me at other times as well. I know that there are also other guys out there who I think are interested in me, but I'm worried that if I made a move I could mess things up with one of them as well.

But I also can't get this guy out of my head. The girl he is going out with now trusts me, and always complains and tells me things that she does to manipulate him. I think there is a chance that they may break up soon, and then he will probably consider me again, and if I don't mess things up, and act natural, he may ask me out. But I don't know what to do.

I reckon I am close to being in love with this guy, even though he is already taken, but when he and his girlfriend started going out, he was a complete jerk and led me on, humiliating me in front of my friends. But I know that if we went out, it could turn into something amazing. I would then, however, have to face the wrath of this girl and our other friends.

Please, someone advise me on what they think I should do. Because I have no idea...

Ahryin

You might not want to hear this...but MOVE on! You are 18yrs old and have a long life ahead of you. I understand the situation is complicated but thats more of a reason to move on. If it's meant to be it will be. Concentrate on yourself, your gifts your talents and your future. You will look back on this and laugh when you get older

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Hopeless Dork

"he was a complete jerk and led me on, humiliating me in front of my friends. But I know that if we went out, it could turn into something amazing. "

Re-read your words there. I hate to paint jerky guys as jerks for life but... it is what it is almost all of the time. Unless he had some grand epiphany and saw the world a whole new way in the short time since your dance classes started - I'm afraid not much has changed.

Before you were available, into him... and he treated you like dirt. Now he has a gf, can't have you -- your acting aloof, he's paying more attention. Even if they did break up and he got with you. You have to know he will be looking over his shoulder for the next best thing... the next challenge or thrill. Your feelings will matter as little as they did when he led you on and humiliated you the last time.

The only difference is that your heart will be more invested, so it will hurt more when he does that. If a SHOWS you how he really is, and you recognize it.... please believe it to be so. Don't think you have some fairy dust you can sprinkle to make him turn into some amazing caring guy - only he can decide to do that.

I think you are putting him on some kind of pedestal instead of seeing him for what he is. A guy that led you on, humiliated you and can still make googlie eyes at you and create a blush instead of a dirty eye roll look. Don't be a whipping dog for someone to play with. Move on, like ahryin said.

Give your attention to a guy more worthy of it, and spare yourself some heartache.

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

Ahryin

I agree! I didn't even think about that aspect of it. He was a jerk to you and now he looks at you and instead of blowing him off you are blushing. Thats a turn on for him and a boost to his already undeserved ego! He is an asterisk for real! If anything you should feel sorry for his girl!

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Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

WildChild

I like that, "he's an asterisk" good one.

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Ahryin

LOL...thank you, thank you...I aime's to please

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Everything I'm not makes me Everything I am

shadow.95

lol. yes i think you are both right unfortunately; i have confided in a few friends and they said exactly the same thing. it is so hard though. his girlfriend always talks about their sex life to me and they make out all the time right in front of me. It is so stupid that I haven't moved on yet, because I know some much nicer guys who I think are interested in me. But I always seem to be attracted to the wrong guy. And then if they show interest too, I mess up, they reject me and my self-esteem lowers even more. Woah, I sound so desperate. But it is hard at my age I think.

And ahyrin, by saying "You will look back on this and laugh when you get older", I know you are right. I think that knowing this will all get better at some point helps a little. The problem is now though, and I know I need to fix this soon, so I can stop wasting my time on this guy.

CHANDLERS WISH

Your girlfriend, as you stated "aren't close" in-fact you have a competition going on between you, with guys.. She knows how to be a beatch and win, your soft and loving and do the "I can please you" and make them realise there is no competition and so they go for the one they can't have.. Make sense?

She, haha a girlfriend? Is not, a girlfriend, girlfriend, think about it... She talks about their sex life, the guy YOU liked. They make out in front of you, "her instigation" I bet...

Ditch her.

She will continue to compete and show you she wins, you lose, and your self confidence will get worse....

All "girls" want the bad boys, the bad boys only want what intitually they can't have and then they want the lady that doesn't give a shirt, they also like the bad girls.

Nice guys want someone like you but you can't get past wanting the bad boy, lol. See the problem?

You mess up cause your not sure of you, you lack confidence, this girl knows that, that is why she is throwing it in your face.

You can be a good girl and a bad girl and that's actually the key...

All you have to do is "believe".. (should have seen what I wrote first).... ...

Yes, your 18 so it is hard. Don't be like her... She will lose this guy... But, on the same accord realise your worth that is your problem, you think that you don't and can't get them so you go on defence and show your weaknesses..

Study , google, self esteme, loving who you are, all those things and read and read and read and learn..

Then show them all you are a beautiful person, you are you, but also you are smart...

This guy? Put you down? Na... Seeya...

Go get your hair done as well, add streaks, something to make you more confident and feel sexy and beautiful..

Then as you go through your process of change? Watch him aim at you. Do me a favour, there are 100 hims out there. Say, na, sorry you missed the boat.

Watch that get around. And your success in dating.

But, like school, it's time to study and see and realise and believe.



CW

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Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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miss.sin.t.uh

so i had a few things i wanted to say but after reading CW advice HOLY CRaAP, theres nothing left to say lol. It even helped me with my problems lol.

esther bby

[well hun i noe how u feel cuz ive been tru the same thing ur still 2 young 4 love and if u really like him go 4 it becuz what can go rong if he likes u bak??? get 2 noe him more then make a move if hes nat ready then u can wait and still be frends well and u noe ur really like him??den juxx stay calm and everything will go juxx fine im real young 2 im only 15 and ur probably juxx horney lol but ive met chicks wit the same problem but probably go after a while so dont sweat it!!!member take care and take my advice